Two and a Half Pink Pills

Today I take a pill for happiness
swallowing it down down down
inside of me it twirls

As for the happiness part, let’s just say it’s more of a stability thing. There are some of us with whom SSRI’s actually benefit. I beleive I am one of those people.

Yes, it is still a drug but compared to the illegal drugs I was consuming at a staggering rate attempting to self medicate until last August, I’ll accept taking two and half pink pills upon waking in the morning to 50 caps of G all day every day. There is one basic difference between legal and illegal drugs, only one; legal drugs are dosage consistent as is the half life in your body where illegal drugs are neither.

It’s staggering to think about all the research and money corporations, governments and consumers spend on new and improved medications when we all only need to look in our backyards to find the best drugs to research; the ones the addicts use.

Sometime in an addicts life there existed a plateau, where she was neither taking to much or two little of her drug of choice and functioning well, stable in her day to day life. She took GHB because it worked. She’s been free of it for 235 days. She still thinks of it. She can’t find words to describe what 50 caps of G a day felt like or what it did to her at this moment. She feels guilty. She feels ashamed. She asks herself how did it happen? She answers it was a fight between heaven and hell.

If drug researchers could find purgatory…

Think about that for a while.

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