In October of 2005 I began taking Diazapam, better known as Valium. Having become suicidal from my detox from GHB, diazapam relieved the 24/7 anxiety, lack of focus, fear and shame associated with most, if not all drug detoxification’s. Valium alleviated my symptoms. At 10mg’s a day I entered into another addiction. This one prescribed.
Seven months, nine tapered milligrams and countless crazy withdrawal effects later I, Jessica Doyle on June 12, 2006 will be free of Diazapam.
Memories have been surging up through the fog in my mind along with emotions almost too much to contain since quitting GHB on August 26, 2005. I have ceased trying to contain them. The memories are coming forth following a timeline. This timeline began long ago as a child. It progress’ as my [tag]sober[/tag] day count progress’. During treatment I recall talking to my councilor saying “I feel as though I’m 12 years old”, then “…17 years old”, “…27 years…” and re-living vividly, events, as though I was there, experiencing them again. As the memories good and bad push forward to the present, my past is accepted and put to rest.
Most addicts during detox revert back to the age when they emotionally stopped developing because it was at that point, they begin using substances to control their symptoms, whatever they may be. I used GHB for two and half years. Simply put, it controlled my symptoms to the extent where I could function in society as a student and later, an Art Director for a local Magazine.
At 32, there are about four or so years left to reckon with.
This is a much softer post in tone than I normally would write.
Today though, it just happened to be 29 degress Celcius
with the sun shining in Vancouver, BC.
I put on my bikini after walking home from group
and got my hands dirty, digging in dirt.
The garden is growing,
I’m as happy as pie!