Monthly Archives: June 2006

Lavender catnip bonsai

I have a lavender tree on my deck. *It began in Africa! LOL! Actually it began as a four inch plant bought from a local grocer last summer for 99¢. The plant has since grown into a small tree, bark and all. This evening I began weaving the branches and stems together to turn it into a bonsai tree.

Funny thing though while twisting and turning the branches in and around eachother my mind became peaceful. The scent of lavender combined with the scent of catnip; yes I turned the catnip plant into a bonsai also, caused me to relax. Both lavender and catnip are herbs renowned for their calming properties. My cat, Missy Two Shoes, literally gets high all day every day having access to her very own catnip bonsai. All the clippings from the catnip I tied together to form a ball which then was attached to string which I then attached to the deck. She is, a happy kitty.

*It began in Afrika! Chemical Brothers 2000

The wiegh in – the Diet

The past few weeks have been wonderfully full of excercise. I went to the beach twice in the past three days. One to Sasamat Lake and once down the 400 stairs to Wreck Beach and then back up 400 stairs. Since the weather has taken a turn for the better here in Vancouver I have in turn been excercising more. I have been working in my garden an average of 45 minutes upto two hours a day. I have been hula hooping every second day for 45 minutes. I have gone swimming twice and have been walking everywhere. While out on my deck I began doing leg lifts, crunches and situps. My stomach was so sore the following day. It has since healed ;)

The summer has a way of infecting weCanadians with bliss. We spend six monthes of the year in winter. When those rays start to shine we start to wine, dine and bare it all. I wonder if the summer has such a signicant effect on people living in other countries and climates? Eric and I have decided that we will be heading south for a few weeks during the 12 week grey rainy season here in Vancouver. He has been researching the country of Belize and also Mexico.

Now onto the nitty gritty measurments.

bust = 38 – down from 39 inches
waist = 32.5 – down from 33 inches
hips = 41.5 – down from 42 inches

Woot! I am proud of myself. This makes me feel very good. I wasn’t expecting a change when I measured but the numbers don’t lie. I do not have a scale therefore I am unable to post my weightloss progress ( will be able to next week though after a visit to the doctor). Take a look at everyone else’s progress here. Most of all I feel re-connected with mother earth through swimming in her oceans, feeling warmth on my back and getting dirty in garden only to do it all over again the next day. Well, tomorrow I have some contract work to complete… maybe Wednesday…

Vancouver Sun

How much more beautiful can Vancouver be than in the summer? Vancouver is renouned for being one of the mildest places to live in within Canada having warmer winters than most major cities such as Toronto or Montreal. The gorgeous summers here just make up for the dismal winters of grey, rain and more rain.

Lettuce up close and personalSageFusia and PansiesLeavesThe unkown flowerLeek Blossoms

This past weekend marked the beginning of summer for me. My senses feel alive! My garden is growing taking on a life all it’s own. And what better way to mark summer than to go swimming. Eric and I travelled to Sasamat Lake on Saturday to swim in the everclear water. I had never been their before. If you have kids this is the beach for you. If you are a teenager this is the beach for you. For anybody in their mid-twenties to late thirties without children I would recommend going elsewhere if you are looking for quiet. Other than the noise the scenery was beautiful and the water refreshing to swim in. The lake itself is surrounded by mountains, has two main beaches and docks placed all around it for you to walk on, swim or jump off of into the water.

IMGA0704untitled sunsetSnow PeasIMGA0735IMGA0736Asian Lilies and yellow dalias

Yesterday I spent the day on the deck pruning, tending, feeding and watering the garden. It’s amazing what four days of sun will do, for a container gardening growth. Whoah! Gone is the mould that was harassing the roses, fusias, marigolds and dalias. I uploaded close to 30 pictures I snapped yesterday as the sun set over vancouver. It still takes my breath away, to think that this is where I call home. I feel as though I live in a cottage perched high in the mountains surrounded by edibles, flowers and forest. Click on any of the photos above and you will be directed to the garden album. Enjoy :)

Fascinated through sensual observation

Recent picture of me ;)For a few days now, I have been observing life rather than a creating it. I am living. I am happy just taking time to observe, listen, smell, touch and feel all that is around me and within me.

This week is a transitional week for me from that of patient to participant. My time at Daytox and Dual Diagnosis has come to an end. It has been two weeks since finishing my Diazapam taper. I went to see my councillor one last time for an hour. I attended the Benzodiazapine support group for the last time. I’ve shed a skin of sorts. Do I consider myself cured? Saying cured seems so harsh; it is an ultimatum of sorts. Let’s say Jessica Doyle is in remission of addiction to sedatives as she is in remission to Crohn’s Disease. To say something is forever or that it will never happen again is setting the stage for it too, occur again. Some of you may disagree with this saying the only was to cure addiction is to abstain from all drugs and alchahol. I disagree. Am I going to run out and begin popping pills and dosing myself up to function… Hell no! Just like I didn’t eat popcorn after my surgery in ’98 for Crohn’s. LOL!

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And I say gosh darnit people do love me

Living with mental health problems and being so public about it through this website certainly gives me something to write about. I’m either laughing or crying most days. Every so often though, during a walk down in the valley I reach out in the most unheard of ways possible. How many people are so self centered that they would ask others to answer a questionnaire about themselves?

Hhrhum. cough, cough. me…cough

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Please respond to the following questions?

As human beings do we change over time? Do our inner most souls evolve into something newer sleeker or for that matter slowly rot away into nothingness? Well, I hope not into nothingness yet one never knows what could happen and there is no sense worrying about because there are people in this world who worry enough for the whole world yet are powerless to change it because, it is worry and worry just does not fix a God Damn thing.

Jessica - looking up.So I have some questions. These questions I will ask to everyone who reads my site. Everyone is welcome to answer but only through leaving a comment online. Please don’t send me an email. This site in NOT private. I have nothing to hide. All I want is some help in gaining an understanding of who I am – both the good and the bad. I feel like my life is cycling right now. I don’t want to pedal anymore. I’m asking you all for help please? You can post your comment anonymously if you like and copy and paste the following questions into the comment box. Your comment will come into moderation and I’ll put it live.

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Waking Up

Maybe a wake up call to my soul would put me back on track. I have to laugh for I don’t know what track to run on. Ha! Do you ever hysterically laugh when no one else is laughing? I do. Do you ever get angry when no one else is upset? I do. In between and all around me is beauty beyond compare. But why do I need to compare it in the first place? Was I tought to compare? Was I tought not to accept things the way they are?

Of late there has been a little girl inside my head. She wanders around touching things. She touched a blog. She types at her blog. She loves her blog. She is happy blogging although the word blog itself is rather kind of like a google or a whoppie do dah. She feels a part of something much larger than herself.

Sometimes she just wants to be fascinated with everything and not overwhlemed by everything.

In my anger I did not even title this post and have come back to write this as the title.

As a young child I retreated to my bedroom to under the blankets into my bubble. The bubble was my world where I could not get hurt, where I could look out and quietly ponder all that was reality without fear of attack because my ideas were not those of the norm. I just stepped out of that bubble moments ago again remembering, thinking, unable to focus on anything but drops of water creating rings as they landed on the inside of my eylids chrystaline clear. I am tired of being misunderstood.

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