And I say gosh darnit people do love me

Living with mental health problems and being so public about it through this website certainly gives me something to write about. I’m either laughing or crying most days. Every so often though, during a walk down in the valley I reach out in the most unheard of ways possible. How many people are so self centered that they would ask others to answer a questionnaire about themselves?

Hhrhum. cough, cough. me…cough

Maybe I do it because deep down I know I am loved and those people who love me will respond and man the answers make me laugh because they are telling me what I already know but unable to see sometimes. I am what I am and I like what I am. There are times when my mind becomes so clouded that nothing exists. There are times when my mind is busy, traffic is whirring back and forth creating an ongoing conversation that only I can digest and hear. When either of those two states of being are missing something quite wonderful happens another state of being comes over me and just lets me be me right here right now, unedited.

I watched Adaptation tonight for the umpteenth time. Nicholas Cage in the first five minutes of blackness in the movie just talking hits me in the gut every time. It is one long run-on sentence of dictated thought. It is a brilliant opener to the movie.

Thank you to all who who responded and sent an email or answered my questions online. It means the world to me. God, now I’m getting all teary eyed. The good tears you know. I love you guys.

So yah! Joshua I’ll return your email and maybe I’ll show you my bedroom again. Darren you witful reason rocks! Karen and Shyanne come for a visit to the Wild West – I miss you both! Ana so beautiful in pink. Junko an inspiration to me. Mom thank you for being my mom. Chester I am a pinging. Leah, OMG – the farting and I could never forget the power puff girls. And Eric because he put on cookie on my lap the other morning when I was freaking out “Ahhhh here’s a cookie” setting it down on my knee smiling then shrinking away. All I could do was smile and giggle and make a funny face and respond “I already ate two”. Eric doesn’t read my website so I’ll talk about him in the third person. This is rather funny to me because he is big man, my boyfriend, standing tall at 6’4″.

There is something beautiful happening in the world right now. It is becoming smaller. Just by asking some questions I received responses from people located all over the world. Knowing you are not alone and thus feeling it through interaction even though it is virtual is the stuff movies are made of. The online and offline world are meshing and will soon become one.

Becoming a blogger has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my life. I am not alone. Thank you.

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3 thoughts on “And I say gosh darnit people do love me

  1. Awww… thank you!
    You know, I’m one to open my heart out to anybody who lets me too. And if that person embraces that, then they’re a friend in my book! And the little time that I’ve known you, that’s you!

    Sometimes we need a little reminder that we are loved. That’s not wrong. It’s human. I know I need a reminder everyday too. LOL Specially from the hubby. And that’s just cause I’m a very affectionate and loving person and I like to get it back from the one I love. Just yesturday, my hubby couldn’t come home for Lunch and although I do understand he was in meetings and stuff, since he’s gone all day due to his job and muay thai training classes, well that’s our “us” time ya know? So I was a bit hurt… and when he came home, he asked, “Are you mad?” I was like, “No, just bummed that’s all. You stood me up!” lol Of course, I was just joking at the ‘you stood me up part’ but what I really wanted him to do was hug me, tell me that he loved me and kiss me. And you know what? He did just that. Without me asking. In that instant, I got over the yucky feeling I had.

    Love makes you feel better. It makes you forget problems.
    I can tell you got a lot of people that love you in your life.
    We must not forget that in our darkest moments although sometimes we can help it.

    I’m glad I became a blogger too. I’ve met great people online, [like yourself] and have met some not so wonderful people. But it’s like planting a garden right? Pull out the weeds and maintain the flowers that are blooming? You’re a flower in my garden. No doubt.

    Have a good day girly… and remember, you ARE loved!

    *hugs*
    Ana

  2. Knowing that I am very well loved, still, I sometimes feel very lonely, just like a dandelion fluff disconnected from its cup. I grow wherever the wind decide to bring me down, then I think.

    Is this where I want to be?

    Of course I grow here because I want the best flower in the situation that I am given.

    The situation that I am GIVEN?

    Thought I was built upon my choices.

    Then realise that it’s not only “upon”, it’s also “beyond”

    I am a fluff

    But

    What if our subconsciousness is the greatest element to move the air?

    I am also the wind of thoughts

    To pass through your face

    To inspire you

    Like you are to me

    I still don’t know why I am feeling lonely

    Am I making sense?

  3. Bonita thank you sweetie đŸ˜‰

    Junko you make more sense than you realize.

    Today I showered. I walked. I cooked. I gardened. I feel calmer or rather grounded in mind and spirit late tonight. It was really nice to read both of your comments and stories. They both make me smile and feel peace inside.

    Love is the only true emotion. It is the one that is parent to all others.

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