Monthly Archives: November 2006

CRASH went my computer after hitting the subscribe link on ReviewMe.com

I have chosen to write a paid post on my blog. The reason this post has been written is because I felt inspired to write a story about something that actually happened…

Beware of possible onslaught and creative aftermath of clicking the orange button.Unintended happenings seem to invade my computer at peak times of usage; that is, personal usage. I like to use my computer. I like to have multiple programs open all at once. Two nights ago while on reviewME reading a little more about this fair site, I clicked the RSS icon within my personal dashboard they provide for you. Rather than seeing a standard XML page or feedburner page my eyes met the standard Firefox download popup window. I chose to open with ___ but it didn’t give me an option of programs to choose from in the dropdown menu.

A couple of seconds later everything in usage froze. That all to familiar turning wheel of digital time-keeping began spinning. I moved it around the screen over Firefox. I thought ok, big file, please, change back to my pointer soon. I clicked F9 to choose another program I had open to work in. It didn’t work. I moved down to the dashboard and noticed the DreamWeaver program was opening. WTF. This XML file was opening DreamWeaver. NO. I don’t keep dreamweaver in my dashboard so I knew. I knew. I knew. I tried to force quit. All frozen. Then my laptop decided to begin the F9 process of shrinking all open working windows from all open programs. It shrunk them and they froze, then dissapeared. During the build, yes I say build for the screen flashed bright blue, then a dark grey blue shade from my desktop picture filled the screen. Little light blue boxes began appearing. One. Two, three… I recognized them. They were my working windows. I hadn’t seen the F9 process take so long before. Dayum.

This is the third snap. My screen stayed this way until I held the laptop's ignition down for 3 seconds. Poof.I waited, got impatient and clicked a light blue box. The box imploded into smaller boxes then began rebuilding itself pixel by pixel. I ran to grab the camera. Ha hahha. ha. Becoming obsessed with this reviewME.com XML.RSS.FEED instigator and pissed at Firefox for feeling it needed to launch such a blasted acronymous file instantaniously opening software. I snapped three pictures.

I sat down, looked forward to the screen and prayed to the digital god named Dorrah that I had, indeed, hopefully saved what I was working on. I had, after the shut-down and restart.

Thank you – Dorrah!

This is where the CRASH story began…

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Barefoot and picking carrots in the snow

01_snow_feet_jessicad.jpgThe world surrounding me is white, fluffy and icy. The trees are insulated against the approaching cold now. The ground had been warm before the snowstorm, causing ice sheets to form beneath the blanketed Lower Mainland. I have been laughing for two days strait, at the onslaught of a winter with snow. So fine to see the snow. This approaching February will mark four years since my arrival here from Saint John. I haven’t seen a snow-storm or crazy crazy weather like what we used receive back-east, until this past month of November began in Vancouver. I walked around outside in my bare-feet a few times this weekend picking *carrots to cook with supper. The 11 day long boil order for drinking water was lifted Sunday.

03_snow_deck_jessicad.jpg04_snow_deck_jessicad.jpgIt has been fun. I love Mother Nature. I get all excited when their is a storm to the point, where I can do nothing but stare at it, hypnotized by sound, movement and visual. The night sky was grey-violet, umber-orange with hints of a tarnished green reflected from electric man-made light.

The land is white and black with only a few shades of brown, a most-mossy green and cool grey in between, connecting three of four primal elements; air, water and earth. The element of fire could be the man-made light or life… or both?

Last night, I watched the news. I couldn’t believe it myself. I loath TV news broadcasts. More importantly, **Global News BC broadcast the how-to of living through a snow storm. It was a rather desperate production on their part, for they have forgotten perhaps, a quarter of the lower mainland originates from a more northerly climate and that we find this snow-fear hysterical. Seriously you will all.be.ok. It’s snow – Not falling polished spheres of white granite stones. I can’t believe there was such a mix-up in school closures and openings. OMG people. HAHA ha! Continue reading

Angry Banking Brain Blog Snowball! Poof!

I seem to go through periods of time that involve me, asking more questions than I can answer. Before finishing or beginning to answer a question, one needs to be able to calm down to look at the possible answers. It is a strange but illuminating experience to actually jump to the other side. All one can do is laugh or get angry. I think that’s why I like Mr. Angry. His humour, yes I say humour because it is. He doesn’t pretty it up except with a visual facial costume.

Mr. Angry News.When I first watched Mr. Angry’s videos I couldn’t actually get thru them. OMG how aw-ful; not the videos, but me. Really this just made me mad, because I couldn’t watch nor listen to anger. This emotion eludes me more than any other. Anger tends to be seen as abnormal or psychotic in society; generally speaking. Anger can be those things, but it can resemble other emotions such as humour, love or boredom. We need to recognize our anger as much as our happiness or we risk the full tide of emotion, we as humans are privelidge to experience.

When the questions start, they gently start accumulating in grandeur; not unlike a snowball one is rolling in the snow. This white ball can be too much to continue rolling; for size and/or weight may overcome physical strength or one could let it fly down a mountain side. Either way this big ball of human creation will meet it’s final destination. It’s going to melt regardless of whether it be at the bottom or atop the hill. Melt I say! I go through question period nearly everyday. I actively need to alleviate, release or calm these questions. In the past as it is present I more than likely create with these questions in search of an answer, except when I’m feeling anger.

These past few weeks whether by fate or sub-concious choice I am flip-flopping about. It got worse when I went for four days with no paxil. But the funny thing is this, after the initial shock withdrawal wore off, my head cleared as my drive returned. I could answer questions creatively with ease. I got a burst of emotion that had felt locked up for over two years now. On the fifth day I took the three pretty pink pills. Ahhh I don’t know about this. But I kind of feel like paxil has quieted my right brain too much. I have tonnes of drive and ideas, albeit the spark to continue, to see them through wains more often than not lately. I want to. I would like to. Tomorrow. These tomorrow’s are becoming repetative. I want to own MY brain again. The continuous dialogue is old now.

This anger within needs reckoning. Silent rage was my answer to anger for many years. You know the silent female who secretly freaks out when no one is looking.

I woke up late today. I had to go to the bank today. Both Eric and I are resentful of having chosen this bank. Some things are good and then there are the rotten apples. Fuck, even now I am angered, I want to withdraw and go lay down or cry but best of all, become numb. Dealing doesn’t seem to be an option in my brain. I want the anger to go away. To die. Poof! There will be no more problems of not being able to deposit cheques, work cheques, and recieve the money immediately without the ole “We’ll have to hold this for seven days crap”. We became quite inventive to get the money, we rightfully deserve and earned. I began depositing everything into my account through the bank machine. Ha! Biggest issue with this bank is this; they refuse to cash Eric’s pay-checques. Rarely a tickled teller, teases and stamps the paycheque just so. Eric has been working for the same company for TWO years now. It is high time this institution accept that fact also. He wouldn’t continue working for this company if the cheques were falsified. Thank you fearmongering hats-full-of-money-big-mouthed money-mongerers for making the post 9/11 everyday world a little harder to cope with.

You can call this creative process, inspiration. Many do. Most artists get off on this stuff, at least some of my friends do. I can only look on and wonder why my process is a melting pod rather than a launch pad. Once I’m launched I’m ok. It is that pod-pad transition aloofness causing delay. The liquid starter I was hooked on once, eliminated or reduced greatly this transition disorder. It was recreational. It turned the ignition. There was say, seven of so wonderful months of pure genious. I miss my GHB. Fuck that is hard to write. If there is anything I hate hate more, the struggle taking place in my brain between right and wrong, good or bad and so on and so forth. Does everyone have this battle going on? To some extent I’m assuming yes. I also believe none of us react the same way to a dilemma or arrive at an answer in the same way. It’s really hard to know you found an answer that worked very well for some time and KNOW you can’t risk answering the question that way anymore. I don’t miss addiction. I am a female addict. That is hard to write as well. What is harder even still, is that this post will be read.
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I am broken gobbly-gook or how I am learning what I can and can not do.

UPDATE – I’ve been having some programming along with some server issues. I believe all has been restored to a functioning order including the comment forms now. Behind the scenes, my blog has been coughing and spitting up ever since my upgrade to WordPress 2.05. I am adjusting the sidebar with widgets and that in itself has been trial and error. You may or may not see some changes over the next few days. I am really wishing I had a third column right now. To that end I am researching themes.

The below paragraphs were written on November 12, 2006.

My blog is broken. Or technorati is broken. My trackbacks or pings or whetever-you-call-them are not funtioning correctly. I only know if you link to me by chance for the most part. I’ve been trying to figure out what is wrong and why these links do not show up in my comments or dashboard… bleck! This has been going on ever since I upgraded to 2.02 and chnaged my theme to the current one. A while. No one’s fault. Just frustrated.

I’ll be upgrading to 2.05. :) Rather one of my friends will be upgrading me to 2.05.
UPDATE – upgrade was completed last night with some minor technical difficulties.

End rant.

Begin new rant.

I need and RSS reader. It has not been until lately that I have realized their value. Sh@t! I’m off to hunt one down.

Voting is now open for the 2006 Canadian Blog Awards.

cbajessica.jpgThis site is up for Best Personal Blog. If you feel I deserve it, please vote for me. If not, please vote for another blog. Really, this is the thing folks; go and vote. You do not need to be a blogger to vote. Mom, right now would be a great time to get your sisters involved… ;)

Nominations closed on Novemeber 12th for the CBA. Someone made #28 on my Brithday List come true. Thanks! It may not get me out of debt, but it sure did make me smile, and that for the record is beautiful. The first round of voting will end on November 23rd. Go and vote now; and tomorrow vote again because you are alowed to vote once a day, everyday, until the fat lady sings.

2006 Canadian Blog Award Categories
Best Blog • Best Conservative Blog • Best Progressive Blog • Best New Blog • Best Group Blog • Best Humour Blog • Best Photo/Art Blog • Best Entertainment Blog • Best Personal Blog • Best Media Blog • Best Business Blog • Best Religious Blog • Best Sports Blog • Best Blog Post • Best Blog Post Series • Best Activities Blog • Best Cultural Blog • Best Family Blog • Best Local Blog • Best Sci/Tech Blog

Click here to vote.

And a heads up to Trisha, from Trisha’s Musings for reminding me of such (voting), in a comment on this site. Thank you Trisha and best of luck!

Rain Updated!!!

UPDATE – We are under a boil order here in Vancouver. Don’t drink the water!!! All hell broke loose yesterday here! An exceptionally strong gust of wind injured 1000 people in various parts of the Lower Mainland, including two of my boyfriends co-workers. One was blown off the roof at the contruction site, losing partial memory after a nasty bang to the head and the other may be on permanent disability. He is in surgery today. Both his ankles have serious compound fractures. My thaughts and prayers are with you both.

More from the CBC – Windstorm

I think TheWeatherNetwork just chucked that little sunshine into Monday to be polite about the torrents of rain that are soon to come. UPDATE – and are falling!

The local Vancouver Weather forcast.

Vancouver has been known to be soggy.

We are more than just talking heads – we are meat

Went to see BodyWorlds last weekend at Science World.

The ribs appeared as sliced turkey adhered to bone.
Lungs black, steel white or thinly sliced
tar flecs a sisxteenth of an inch thick visible to the naked eye.
This plastination of human origin indeed were so,
these maniquins but a small fanciful taste
to this mid-autumn’s delusion.

Bound in glass were creatures rarer still
we peared, enchanted
a coloquial stew
of veins transcendent of colour perceived in this reality;
not of red, nor magenta or blood.

gaze of gawkers,
this stew has form
a lamb –

a baby lamb.

ducky.jpgI couldn’t believe my eyes; that, this was real. This lamb had once been a lamb alive. The turkey was attached to human male and/or female ribcages. The lungs were bodiless. Ethereal they lay there, as though granite polished to a matte, as not to relfect their history but share it – breaths still alive, escaped wispers into humankind. These corpse’s/maniquins were once breathing. They had soul, they had history. I saw their physical history. I even held one of our own livers in my hand. A human liver. It was no different than holding a smaller but similar looking turkey liver from Christmas Dinners past. We are meat. This wasn’t meat though. It was meat.

A full floor of the VAG (Vancouver Art Gallery) would have served this exhibit well. Even a quarter of a floor space would have been more adequate at displaying this vast collection of plasticized humans and other mammals.

Upon arrival home, I set about defrosting pork chops, that oddly appear as one display of human leg cross-section from Body-works. I got the heebie-geebies. The willies. The @#$%^. I felt bodiless for a moment or two. Eric walked over, looked down in the frying pan.

Gunther von Hagens’ BODY WORLDS exhibitions are currently showing in North America. “The human body is the last remaining nature in a man made environment,” he says. “I hope for the exhibitions to be places of enlightenment and contemplation, even of philosophical and religious self recognition, and open to interpretation regardless of the background and philosophy of life of the viewer.”

Just the Veins - from Justin's photostreamIt’s times like these that I want to reach a higher state of understanding the world around me. I think to the future about what will be? I think about Charlton Heston in Soylent Green. Green reconstituted rectangular pieces of human beings. You know what got me most was the 30 feet of human intestine layed flat filled with air and coloured, framed, glassed over and nailed to the black painted wall. 30 feet. I couldn’t help staring at the length I do not own anymore. 11 inches of illeum belongs to the earth again from me. It was weird to see what an illeum really looks like.

There is another organization one can donate one’s remains to, for plastination.

Third photo entitled Just the Veins from Justin’s Photostream. We are more than just talking heads – We are meat.