Over the weekend I was asked to join in a triad of masturbation. A triangle of female heads only visable through a a pre-decided frame. I said yes. Then said no. It’s not what I want. But is this what I want? I desire. I crave not unlike any other for human interaction of the sexual kind. Why is it only in the mind that it persists? Why is not aparent physically? To jump out of ones skin every now and then is needed. It is needed to be able to fucking cum amongst others. Where does the attraction come in or does it resemble a long lost vestibule of carnage only our ancesters were really aware of. Cognitively they new to spread it around. Fuck!
There are voices. I hear voices of my own within my mind. You know, we all do it. We all talk to ourselves from time to time.
I can’t seem to figure out the relation between ship and harbour. Once you do it for someone else does it make it any less significant? Ya do it all the time say. Never doing it for yourself. How do you really do something to yourself? How do you do something to yourself. I think we do. When we only do to ourselves what we do to ourselves we become them. And maybe they don’t really undertsnd what is going on with you. Maybe they can’t see everything that is happening. Maybe all the opinions don’t really matter. Maybe they and them can go and shove it, while the maple leaves fall soggy to the pavement in the midst of entanglement they entwine, combine filtering clear to mirror one another. They are the same.
It’s easy to let reality slip away she thinks. It’s easy to fall and bleed into the ground. It’s easy for blood to trickle upwards in the imagination and easy for him not to see what is happening. This is dismal.
I don’t want to feel obligation. I don’t want to feel guilt. I don’t like experiencing the feeling envy. We all do sometimes, may not want to admit it but we do. Haven’t you ever jumped? Jumped but not landed? I wonder what it feels like to land? I miss many things. Many things of wonder. Many things of unamed pleasures. I feel angry. I feel fear. I feel rage at times even. That is when i don’t land after jumping. Some emotions never hit the ground. They can overwhelm your being.