Being transparent could lead to blogging insanity – maybe – but maybe not

Jessica Doyle - insanity - DEC2006Currently I blog for both the Blog Herald (BH) and The Blogging Times (TBT) and of course, on my own site. I began blogging at BH after I emailed Matt Craven asking for a job as a contributor. Matt was one of the first bloggers I trusted in the blogosphere. Shortly after, I was contacted by TBT to write for them. Immediately, I thought about conflict of interest with BH. Almost three months of blogging for both sites have passed. :) Both Minic Rivera and Matt Craven have been nothing but cordial with me and my blogging insanity.

BH has recently been sold to the Bloggy-Network, however will be run independently from it, managed by Abe and Angelo of whom upon introduction were friendly. Some of my co-writers on BH have chosen to leave BH to pursue other interests. We were all offered to continue writing for BH before the news of the sale went public. I believe that that was nice. At the same time I was becoming very self conscious and keeping a lot to myself online. Many bloggers feel that transparency is key to successful blogging. Many others disagree. I’ve observed that bloggers are only transparent to what they can be transparent about in regards to their own personal blogging, not about their business blogging. Even then, nothing gets put up online until one person hits enter.

I am the only individual blogger, blogging on both TBT and BH of all other contributing bloggers to both sites. After writing some ideas on paper last night I realized where the dilemma lies for me with such contribution. To be honest I don’t actually see their being competition between the two sites. TBT is a little bit more colourful while BH is a little more tech talk. These are initial thoughts of mine. I’d like to expand on it later. A lot of my fear was only perceived, learned from the past. I carried that fear online with me. Like with any fear of you don’t face it, you will still be afraid.

I write about Canada occasionally, simply because it is my country of origin. I have that in common with other bloggers. More than that I write and create original artwork and posts that could be considered universal. I find the readers on my site are not limited to only one country. They are from numerous parts of the globe, not only English speaking parts. I love that! I love the fact that I can find, or other people can find me, simply because we share a common interest. The Internet allows for people to expand in all those areas we each have interest in anywhere and everywhere we choose. Where we are physically located is NOT IMPORTANT ONLINE. I can navigate to an artists blog or any blog for that matter and basically find my way around even when written in a different language. I can translate it if I want to or just look at the pictures or artwork and leave a comment. Country boundaries are falling down online fast. Yay!

Any hard feelings I had towards Matt when he emailed the contributors at the Herald have dissipated. That’s the thing folks anger disappears when released. I released, that’s for sure. My first thought –

“How the hell could he do this to me?”
“Why did he do this?”
“WTF”
“Did The Blogging Times buy the-Blog-Herald?”
“What did I do wrong…”

Truth is, Matt did not do anything wrong to me. AT ALL. He was doing things that were in his best interest I believe. You know what, that is business, not personal at all. On the personal end he did assure me and my fellow bloggers that our contract would be good with the new owners for a set amount of time. Seriously, he was thinking about us. In my books that is honesty. I had flipped out not knowing who the new owners were. I researched, I clicked and followed link trails and read read read some more. I’m done with that. It made me feel crazy. I stopped. It’s not about anyone else when it comes to a personal decision. It is about you. I need to make my own decisions. I need to make choices that will benefit me as much as the choice being made will benefit the other who is involved with that choice. None of my co-writers are involved with my decision process. I will keep that private when I speak to those I need to speak with and talk to them if needed also. I like you all and was just getting to you – Tony, Martin, Thord, Muhhamed, David and Darnell. Our paths may cross again. :)

I want to be a professional emotion creator. Yes, blogging is foremost my canvas to paint, entertain and get my brain out on blog, but more than that, I want to sustain myself independently, emotionally, collaboratively and financially online and offline, enabling trusting relationships with those who welcome me and I to them whether or not there is money or not, involved.

Jessica Doyle - normal - DEC2006My personal blog is just that, my personal blog. Ha! This is where I let it all out. This is my home base, where it all begins for me. What happens off this home base is all about choices. Some of those choices will be personal and some will be business. Some will be harder than others to make. My readers here, you are all welcome to follow around the link trail. It’s fun. I won’t disagree. But when you are the person who has made a choice to publicly blog online where ALL the world can see, one can wonder a little too much, about what the other blogger thinks of me leading to anxiety.

Boy I have a way of reacting rather than responding. Geese *slap* lol. If I can not get to a point where I am laughing about whatever it is, I realize I am not being honest, decisions become painful to make and it takes a toll on my well-being. Recently I discovered Mr. Danomyte’s World. He had pulled a quote from teh mipsellde sussecc with-a dab of gable post and blogged it. When I first read the quote I thought did I actually write that?

I don’t really know how to measure success other than the feeling or rather onset of happiness. It could be the emotion of trust. Maybe the inclination of mere worth on a global scale could be measured. Grand!

Working and creating online is as inspirational to me as my offline life can be to. I get frustrated. After that, I grow. These last few months have been, how to put it; most educational. Everything I expected didn’t happen. Everything I had no expectation of, has happened. Just like Dan entitled his post Life happens, when we least expect it.

As an aside, when you jump the gun or rock the cradle, after the initial onslaught, go do something else. Stop reading about what every blogger thinks after the gun fired, and the baby fell out. Scrub the kitchen. Move furniture in the studio. Call a friend. Walk to get food with this friend. Go to bed. Sleep. You’ll wake up with a fresh head knowing the shot was blank and the baby is ok.

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6 thoughts on “Being transparent could lead to blogging insanity – maybe – but maybe not

  1. Great set of ideas and surprisingly, I found I could relate to it even though it seemed to start out as a post about work. My eyes almost glazed over ha ha..and then the emotions you expressed pulled me in. Oddly, many people in our culture have proposed that emotions are somehow less than reason…and yet our emotions are a real common bond. They are safety mechanisms and ways to understand and have compassion. Isn’t it weird when you read your own words out of context? I feel similar, did I say that? Really?

    I posted a commnet under the lucidity post too, I don’t know if you go back and check older posts for comments…

    I’ve just popped by to say hi and see how you’re doing…wandering around the blogland…
    Cheers,
    Candy

  2. Hi Candy

    I tend to react emotionally first. Reason comes after the experience of emotion. Our society doesn’t want to see people crying or get angry at all. We are supposed to tissue it up, then swallow it down.

    I am really glad you found something you could relate to in this post. 😉 And yes, I do read all comments on my blog regardless of age or the date of the original post. The conversation can always pick up again taking different form or new direction from before.

    Isn’t it weird when you read your own words out of context? I feel similar, did I say that? Really?

    Kind of like a dejá vu.

    Cheers!

  3. Yes, we are supposed to repress so many emotional responses to situations. I have emergency training which I update every few years…and it’s true that it is best in an emergency to calm our emotions and analyze a situation for danger to others and ourselves before we set out to help another person in emergency. For me, that might be the only time that we should calm our minds and egos…is so we can help others. Tolerance is like this too. It is so dangerous when we don’t’ at the very least…learn about our emotions. half the time most of us have been trained through social conditioning or social constructs that some emotions are good, and some bad. Meanwhile often some learned emotional response prevents us from compassion and tolerance of others. Most hate crimes and racism can be traced to some repressed emotional impulse or conditioning…yet we are all feeling creatures and hearts.

    Also…we teach men to have some emotions and women to have others…this is a sickness I believe.

  4. Candy you are an enlightened soul. I went through an emotional upheaval when my current boyfriend became despressed for 6 months. Before that he was manic. The depression however, took me quite by surprise. He doesn’t remember many of the nights I took him to the hospital to get help with the sheer depth of his panic.

    I realized then that men and women do react differently however I do find the gap between male and female learned emotional responses closing.

    Meanwhile often some learned emotional response prevents us from compassion and tolerance of others.

    I saw first hand waht this does do human beings while in treatment for anxiety and addiction. One of the first things they do is to even us all out so we were equal regardless of background, race, or financial status.

    I must think on this more Candy. You have presented some very good ideas. Thank you.

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