Cooked – then I ate it.

Rediscovering that it was periods of time during schooling growing up, maybe… anxiety disorders arrise from lack of healthy interaction in pre-teen thru adolescent years. Adults who experience non-rational, mean, plain unkindness or lack of respect as a human being, as kids continue on

What is the feeling of abandonment. Does it feel like hell. Could it feel freeing for someone else? Have you ever waited for anger to rear it’s head. Sitting quietly, then almost violently it catches you, spins you around, then throws you oblivious-to-direction only to be caught again. *You know, learning this anger mangement release in healthy – I hate that word. What does healthy actually mean; are you healthy? Healthy is an ideal that does not exist. Healthy is only relevant to the one experiencing the feeling of Health. I think too many words these days have been adopted by mass media, twisted and burned into a fragmented, forced upon ideal we all had to digest raw. Fuck. When I got angry growing up most would just laugh. My reaction to anger as an adult, modestly has clothed itself into a smile. Why do I have to smile all the time. Yea-t now the laughter begins. As soon as anger envelops me it is torn smitherines by laughter or sheer silence.

Could this actually fucking be the discovery that a great way to deal with anger is to create with it any way you want.

Local Fact – Vancouver has been experiencing freak natural one hit wonders during the night while we sleep. The latest victom was no less, beloved Stanley Park. Um. Why are all you people giving money to Mr. Park, that just recieved a natural mother natural blow of wind, and high seas. His veins roads mind you are in great dis-repair and urgently need to be fixed. However what I don’t understand is the buying of more trees to fill the park. What if you just let the public go in and plant a tree if they want. As of tonight the park has earned 40K from private donation to replant trees. I like trees don’t get me wrong. My favorite tree in the park across from me was felled after the storm; chainsawed down by man to the ground. Wouldn’t a death by mother nature be a natural way to go from the living to the dead. This causes thoughts of carrots. Yanking carrots out of the ground, rapidly cutting, slicing off the beautiful green leafy stems, left to wither on the ground, only to be devoured in our mouthes with rock hard calcium deposits. Folks that was a murdered carrot, cooked and then, I ate it. Oh help me god!

Sometimes things happen that are awful in life. It can’t be that bad to remember them. This time around though the anger and I will subside.

*unedited ’cause it just makes sense.

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4 thoughts on “Cooked – then I ate it.

  1. Hi Jessica!!!

    Great post…and I too am surprised there was fundraising for Stanley Park, that’s hilarious!

    Did you know we used to put out forest fires? Then we figured out that a pine cone needs to hit the huge temperature of heat in order for it to become an active seed…forest fires allow regenration.

    So maybe a storm also allows for something we can’t see right now with our limitied views?

    I think a great deal of creativity and imagination comes born from anger.

    Nice people have a hard time reconsoling their anger, usually it builds up and then bursts out and then they feel guilty(I know I am one of those nice people who has guilt over anger) (Hee hee) Think of the music and lyrics of Joni Mitchell, Soundgarden, Pearljam, Bob Dylan Bruce Springsteen, Sarah McLaughlin these are writers whose anger was put into words and often transformed into powerful social and emotional commentaries!

    Much love to you Jessica…a quick hello from me,
    Candy

  2. Hi Candy

    I’m not sure how much they have raised since I wrote this (about a week ago) but it’s more than likely close to a million now. It just didn’t make since to me as I walk down the street and their are people starving to death in my neighborhood. And then for the evening news to go and announce that canadainas were expected to spend 3 billion dollars for Christmas gifts. OMG! then i hear we ‘ole Canadians spent 2 billion doallars on Boxing Day! I made me feel queasy thinking about all the atrocities in the world happening right now.

    I do have a hard time reconciling my anger. There was a naturalist they interviewed on the news. He began saying this is a natural process of life. A natural occurance. Forests need it. Well didn’t the announcer cut him off and smile oddly as he says “Well, that is an interesting perspective”. Then they began rolling all the money shots of people spending money in malls. Gross!

    Ahhhh… Sarah McLaughlin… beautiful. I grew up singing her music. Her and Joni Mitchell are as awe inspiring as they come.

    Much love and happiness to you Candi. Your comments here bring hope to me that I am not alone in the way I feel and see things in this world.

    xo

    /jessica

  3. Anger for me? Usually internalised and dealt with externally with silence and withdrawal. Healthy? What the hell is healthy?

    I usually hate to quote song lyrics in blog comments because I fear some sort of spamming feel about it all, especially if I end up being off the mark with my comment… but your bit about carrots made me think of a hidden song from Tool’s Undertow album. I hope you get a kick out of it. I think it shines a light on the whole natural cycle of things:

    And the angel of the lord came unto me,
    snatching me up from my place of slumber.
    And took me on high, and higher still
    until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself.
    And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest.
    And as we descended,
    cries of impending doom rose from the soil.
    One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear.
    And terror possesed me then.
    And I begged, “Angel of the Lord,
    what are these tortured screams?”
    And the angel said unto me,
    “These are the cries of the carrots,
    the cries of the carrots!
    You see, Reverend Maynard,
    tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust.”
    And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat
    like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared,
    “Hear me now, I have seen the light!
    They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul!
    Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!”
    Can I get an amen? (baaaaaaaa)
    Can I get a hallelujah? (baaaaaaaa)
    Thank you Jesus.
    This. Is. Necessary.
    This. Is. Necessary.
    Life. Feeds on life.
    Feeds on life.
    Feeds on life.
    Feeds on This. Is. Necessary.

  4. Scott - Wow.

    We are all atoms. We are all carrots. We are all one big ball of digestion and elimination. We recyle into forms unknown to us maybe in the beginning. In the end a thouisand years from know when the men from the future come digging they will find us in the form of the written word not on stone but in memory.

    Thank you for sharing the lyrics. Hidden songs were all the rage at one time. Now they are being unearthed and represented. Cheers to you and have a great NYE.

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