When your thoughts are controlled by substances that are short term acting… that is, the effects do not fade gradually and are short lasting, you’ll want more all the time. You will need to buy more all the time. It is a commodity. It is renewable at the cost of your mental health.
Transitioning from one life experience to another can be among one of the strangest things I face every day. In the center of this transition lies the balance of one emotion to another. Contained within that is that little spark of thought. That thought needs to decide one way or the other every second we are alive on earth.
Getting stuck in the emotion can cause numbness, a state of non-being. Much of my waking hours I am in there, either moving faster than the central line or crawling a bit behind. Emotions come on intensely. They come in banging and knocking every second. They seem to be fighting with each other. Love, hate, happy, sad, fear and excitement. There are those brief instances of when the opposing emotion cuts the other out of existence. Subtle inside the brain is the change but outwardly I am awash with another emotion yet experiencing the same thing. A word from another, a soundâ€¦ ok that’s it, sound. Visuals also. And there are those times when I walk the line. I cannot separate myself from my work when I am not at work. Nor can I separate my life from my work. I believe the two need to co-exist. Ever notice how animals take shelter from rain. We humans need to do that to.
The Go list.
- brush teeth – personal hygiene.
- work – i.e. see #1 and #2.
Pepsi is about to fall off the list. White Sugar withdrawal is not for the faint of heart. Good Gawd! I began drinking slightly more Pepsi this week. Geebisssss. Not functioning efficiently. White sugar should be eliminated from whence it was incarnated. Sugar. These little insane white tiny grains, particles of lust verses lethargy will die in shame. Wow. I am also refraining from buying any products containing aspartame. Holy headaches I used to have – just from chewing a piece of gum. I don’t buy gum ever.
I began taking pacific salmon oil capsules 7 weeks ago. I am noticing a big difference. I am taking calcium and vitamin D. I think those things are overpowering my need for constant mental focus or adjustment. Sugar fucks with your emotions to a degree I didn’t realize until recently.
When things become too good I can’t believe it. When things become bad I want them badder. I don’t want to label these things into another grouping of words that ultimately I’ll research until I’m blue, hysterical or quietly cursing.
The good the bad and the ugly.
Is really not what I want to write about.
The good is my eco-footprint is down from 4.3 planets to 2.4 planets for living in Canada as one of it’s poorest citizens. Amusing eh? I couldn’t help but laugh at this. I had ticked off almost the lowest possible choice in every category next to the none choice.
People living on the street in Canada are most likely to get the lowest eco-footprint score I’m guessing. Ever wonder why it is, that people’s emotions begin overtaking and consuming their body? It’s because of this! I feel sick that I can’t live using only 1 earth. It’s possible though. And it isn’t only the governments responsibility, it is our own. I think a lot of this is partly due to money and the way people use it, spend it and give it to large corporations.
Things I have changed and am progressing towards the switchover amidst “train of thought”.
- Choosing to not purchase Brand Name.
- Choosing to barter and trade skills for another’s services, product or money on occasion. I log a record. I am not evading taxes.
- Working from home
This is exciting. This is mental freedom for me from media and advertising buy non-human entities. And it feels good. I am not breaking the law. I choose not to drive or own a car. I walk. I ride public transit less than 10 Kilometers a week. My air travel time per year is an average 10km per year. I buy 25% processed food, eat meat once or twice per week and am generally healthy physically. Cutting down the processed food was more difficult than all others. And if you own clothes that ARE a little small for you consider loosing that weight a brand name put on you. A “brand name”. I hate pepsi as much as I love it. The same for GHB and cigarettes. I hate GHB because it made me who I could be. The effect was mesmerizing as my I became myself. I was in sinc with everything around me. I functioned with all the nine to fiver’s efficiently. This is no fucking joke. I could work my ass off. But it killed me.
All these things need money to buy. All of them. Money I will not spend to make myself a crazy emotional mushroom cloud. Boom – happy. Boom sad. Boom! retarded. Boom! illiterate. Boom! How can white sugar be legal and above that not taxed appropriately. I find sugar worse getting off than GHB. Different yet close. There is a link to sugar and sedatives. There has to be. And a link between sedatives and cigarettes.