For my friend Ana

A Christmas Card arrived for me in the mail in December 2006. I opened it. I looked at it. I read it. I looked at it again and most days including today, I remember it. The card was mailed to me from Ana. This card arrived during a time when I was very alone. I did not mail her a Christmas Card, although I had agreed with her to do so earlier that month on her Blog, Bonitainpink.

    I am so sorry Anna.

    I didn’t have the strength to mail one to you. Christmas passed. And I feel bad. I have quietly visited your Blog four or five times, and am happy to see you are pregnant.

    I felt like I was on a *bad-hit-of-E for the greater part of December 2006 and this January of 2007 due to circumstances beyond my control both online and offline. Ana, I retreated. The Christmas Card you sent was one of five I received for Christmas last year. I was so happy to open it. It is pretty neat to know you exist in real life. That hit me. I miss you Anna.

    Please forgive me.

    love,
    Jessica

*The only way I am able to describe the cumulative effect experiences beyond my control, were having on my psyche during that period of time to today.
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2 thoughts on “For my friend Ana

  1. Awww Jessica… I’m sorry to hear you had a fallin’ again… I hope you are doing better and find the strength to get yourself better, sweetie. I know the LORD is watching over you and will protect you and keep you safe all the time. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

    I am totally not upset cause you didn’t sent me a card like you agreed to. It’s nice to get things in return but it’s not that’s not the important thing. This entry means a lot more. Thank you. I’ve been out of the loop lately too with my blog. The pregnancy is going great. We aw our baby moving today for the first time via ultrasound. I’m almost 11 weeks pregnant! =)

    *hugs*

  2. Hi Anna – so happy to hear your voice. I am doing better after this last “fallin'”.

    11 weeks pregnant. Awwww Anna that just gave me goosebumps. And you saw your baby moving… how wonderful. Baby more important than blog for sure.

    Thank you for responding. I had agreed in public and now apologize in the same way, publicly.

    I’ll be by to visit for sure. I am just beginning to use Google Reader to keep up to date with my friends who are online. You are in there.

    love,
    Jessica xo

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