Maybe keeping it straight isn’t how it is to be?

Mispec beach is located moments outside the city line on the Bay of Fundy. It is a frightfully cold salt water haven where pale ghostly Saint Johner’s go to swim, lay on the sand and sweat. As the end of summer approaches I thought I’d never make it to the beach as the fog and rain were heavy here most days. Saturday, I was there with a man named Andrew and his two boys.

It’s funny how children enter your life unexpectedly. First, my brother who is dating a woman (they are practically married now) who has three little girls aged three, six and nine; all blond and all very cute and intelligent. They were here this evening bringing my mom her 59th birthday gifts. I took them out in the backyard and we began picking carrots, wax beans and potatoes. Then we moved on to flower petals and fresh lavender while I explained to them how to make pot purri with it when they arrived back home. A few of my friends have children to, with whom I’ve been seeing more of lately and it’s not so bad. What the heck what I so scared of!

I was on a date that day at the beach with the man with two kids. I had panicked a few days earlier calling my brother “What do I do?!!!”, “His kids… Ahhhhhh”. My brother laughed and being the calm man that he is, says “Jessica, they are a package deal. Meet them sooner than later and decide from there.”

Andrew picked me up… two boys in the back seat aged six and eight. I sat in the car, buckled up and we were on our way.

And it comes down to this… I don’t have children of my own. After two long-term relationships ending and no children as a result I think I had begun to wonder whether it was possible to meet a man who wants children that I was attracted to. I don’t know where I’m going with this and maybe he is even reading this but this is my blog and my creative outlet for thought, idea and experimentation and he will understand because I write or I will go madly insane! I’m not saying Andrew is the one but he certainly is nice and sexy and stuff…hmmm and one never knows đŸ˜‰

This last month I’ve been around more kids than I have in the last five years. Really! And they are all under the age of ten who are bursting bubbles of energy and new inspiration.

Life can get bland pretty quick when all you do is repetitive mundane tasks while walking a straight line without veering off that path. I went on two dates last week with two different men. It happens all at once when you least expect it to. One man I will not see again as it brought me straight back to feeling empty, uncomfortable and wanting to use drugs to cope.

Andrew on the other hand, I hope to see again real soon…

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