There are no words to describe how I’m feeling these last few days. The physical withdrawal from nicotine was easy. The mental withdrawal is not so easy.
I’m feeling drawn to use substitutes and am not eating enough. Oddly when most people quit smoking they begin eating more. I’m the opposite. I try to control something, e.v.e.r.y.thing…
The first few days I had this low grade anxiety which was tolerable. It’s turned into a massive tight chested fight for my dignity. My concentration is nil. Nada! I really don’t know where to turn. My ADD is rearing it’s ugly head badly and I’m depressed and anxious and tired of reading that it will pass and to do something else instead. I’m sleeping more than I’m awake right now.
And I never did seek treatment after being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This diagnosis was the final one as the GAD, PTSD, Addiction and OCD are all but symptoms of ADD in adult women. How’s that for a mouthful. And most of us aren’t diagnosed until our mid-thirties.
I have an appointment to see a councilor (not free) on Friday and I’m going to make an appointment with my family doc (free) and call West (not free) to get my medical files sent (not free) here.
And really, this struggle is ongoing for me. Most days are good but the last few months have been hard. And yes, I did buy a house but it’s a rent to own agreement. I’m not rich folks… my income is small. I just go without and I don’t know anymore what the reason is that I quit smoking. I regret it because it’s turned all the little molehills into mountains within my mind.
I’ve re-read that book “Easy Way to Quit Smoking” 5 times? It is super easy to quit but not for someone with Mental Health issues.
I feel like my brain is missing it’s jolt. ZAPP… now you can concentrate for an hour uninterrupted. Go be a productive human being Ms. Jessica Doyle.
I must be one of the few people who actually loves to smoke. Frack!