The end of innocence or why we grow potatoes

Many anniversaries precariously show their face to me during this time of year when summer begins to end and everything alive turns crunchy beneath your feet as it withers and dies.

What am I trying to say? August 26, 2009 passed just as any other day yet it did mark four years sobriety and it was nine years ago that day that I moved out and left my ex-husband. September 5, 2009 still looms in the near future and with it comes the painful memory of my appendix rotting and doctors telling me there was no sign of Crohn’s and that it was just a bad case of gangrenous appendicitis. Right! Three weeks later in 1997 I was having 11 inches of bowel removed and weighed a ghastly 98 pounds. Sorry, but you doctors at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Halifax should never have sent me home to Fredericton. I wasn’t even eating solid food eight days post-op after you silly doctors cut and stapled my abdomen crooked.

If I had remained a wife, September 5th, would’ve marked my eleventh wedding anniversary.

Today… today…
I, saw him again
Today
Today…

So what do you do when memories cloud your judgment? I turned inwards and let it ride and grew some purple skinned potatoes with my mom.

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7 thoughts on “The end of innocence or why we grow potatoes

  1. I don’t know what to say hun, really dont..looks like you have been through some wars haven’t ya!? *glomp*

    This time of year is also hard for me. Two years ago at the start of this month Orla had Pneumonia (Pneumococcas in fact) and had to be revived from a febrile convulsion in Resuss, a terrible and terrifying time, though we moved into our new house a month later. A year ago was the last time I saw or spoke to my mother, and soon it will be two years ago since I last saw or spoke to my father, despite that they live about six miles away. We don’t get on any more, and now my cousin who I was so close to and now lives in my Fathers pocket, has now frozen me out…

    Next week my baby starts school. Everyone keeps telling me how excited I must be, for her yes..and in a way for me too..but all I see is a void. I don’t know a world without her.

    Anyway..back to you. I think your experiences have made you a very strong and driven person, and one who is able to count her blessings, which is very important. You are at a time in your life when good things are happening. Don’t be sad that you have as yet no partner, it’s not the be all and end all. But you know, I didn’t meet Luke until I was 37, married at 40 and had Orla at 42 nearly 43. So there now…

    *hugs and kisses*
    Lorrie
    p.s. Go look at my shiny new blog on my personal domain (this is my non arty and more writey site, and I have had this site the longest, since 2002).
    http://www.illusio.net

    *more hugs*

  2. Ahhh Lorrie… many hugs to you. Coninue drawing and creating that beautiful whimsical art you do through the difficult times and you’ll find perhaps a wee bit of solace.

    I’m OK… once I vent and write it out after spending some time thinking about it, the mood or emotion I was experiencing seems to dissipate into nothingness from whence it came.

    xoxox

  3. Seems that Autumn brings bad memories to you…
    Atleast you survived all the bad things and are strong and creative now here with us :) Thanks for sharing these stories and hugs to you!
    Estella

  4. My gosh, there’s a LOT to this post. Do you ever look back and see yourself in the third person, unable to understand what that person was thinking? Is it hard to relate to that person, and the decisions they made? Have you learned to expect and demand more for yourself? Have you learned what you want and — more importantly — what you don’t want?

    It sounds like it’s been a tough hand of cards you got dealt and that you had a lot of bumps and stumbles on your path… but it also sounds like you’re on a much more purposeful, fulfilling road now, and that you’re taking steps you want to take.

    Enjoy those delicious purple potatoes, and enjoy the upswing. You’re doing great.

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