A New Brunswick Diary

Dear Diary,

Aug 12 – Moved to our new home in New Brunswick. It is so beautiful here. The northern woods are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow. I love it here.

Oct 14 – New Brunswick is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned colors – shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the country and saw some deer. They are so graceful…certainly they are the most beautiful animal on earth. I really love it here.

Nov 11 – Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. What a beautiful place.

Dec 12 – Snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard! We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snow plow came by, we got to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place – I love New Brunswick.

Dec 14 – More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again. It’s so great here.

Dec19 – More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snow plow.

Dec 22 – More of that white shit fell last night. I have blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling the driveway. ASSHOLE!

Dec 25 – Merry Fucking Christmas! More friggen snow. If I ever get my hands on that son‐of‐a‐bitch who drives that snow plow, I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the road to melt the bloody ice?

Dec 27 – More white shit last night. Been inside for 3 days – except for shoveling the driveway after that snow plow goes through. Can’t go anywhere – the cars stuck in a mountain of the white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10” of this crap again tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow 10″ is?

Dec 28 – The fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 34” of that white shit this time. At this rate, it won’t melt before next summer. The snow plow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway. I broke my last shovel over his bloody head.

Jan 4 – Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of my car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed all of them last November.

May 3 – Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all the fucking salt they put all over the road?

May 10 – Moved to Georgia. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God‐forsaken province of NEW BRUNSWICK.

author unknown…

My Dad handed this joke to me last night, typed on three worn sheets of paper. After reading it I couldn’t help but publish it to the blog! Haha! I did find many other adaptations of this joke that take place in other northern US and Canadian locals but could not find the original author of this joke. The photo above is the front of my house… enough said…

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8 thoughts on “A New Brunswick Diary

  1. I love this one, I have seen it before….very very funny. i almost have to agree with him sometimes….lol

  2. I agree to! LOL! Especially today! I was ready to publish it and then ran outside and snapped a pic of the front of my house… I have soooooo much shoveling to do today!

  3. Sounds like my ‘last’ winter in New England. We had a very long driveway and my just 18 year old was only 2 then…I had to pay a plow to do the driveway! Sometimes twice a day as I was trying to sell the house at the time…by myself. The day the house closed to the new owner, it all melted and flooded the basement! Never a dull moment…did not move to Georgia…moved to Alabama but now in Texas…hardly ever see any accumulation…just ice which shuts everything down.
    Guess this says I can relate. I don’t miss paying the plow and would not have the energy to shovel but do miss the quiet that comes with a new snow fall…that part is magic. Happy Holidays to you in your new home, it looks lovely, Kimberly

  4. This was hilarious! I’ve never seen it, but I can totally sympathize. I’m in Michigan, and we usually get tons of snow. I hate it. I had always planned on moving to Florida…hasn’t happened yet :-( The deer population is so high this year that the state is encouraging crossbow, and bow and arrow hunting. Yikes!

  5. Kimberly – my driveway is only long enough and big enough to fit one car. However I have a neighbor who seems fit to park his car on the other side of my house where there is room for two or three cards to park. He has indeed overstayed his welcome. I told him he could park there one night and after that we would work something out. Here is Saint John you are not allowed to park on the street between midnight and 7AM for snow removal to get through. Needless to say my neighbor is using up my kindness at the moment as a snowblower or plow can’t even clean the snow where he is parked cause he hasn’t moved his vehicle in 7 days!

  6. Thanks Lorrie and Tiffany!

    Someday I’ll move to Florida to! But then we’d have to deal with Hurricanes and tropical storms!

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