Everyone gets days and sometimes weeks where everything is thrown around and life literally becomes a never ending roller coaster ride… This is one of those times unedited and without links…
The roller-coaster began last week with an Etsy convo that I sent to MaryMary about a video and then a phone call that my boyfriend’s father was in the hospital. I’ve never met his family. We’ve only been together for one month but it feels like four months.
I don’t even know what to write or how to say it. I feel love. I feel overwhelmed with emotion. I even shut down completely on Thursday night as did the man I’m dating. We’ve both been so overwhelmed for different reasons that it’s actually been a blessing in disguise to have found each other amidst the madness of our lives.
Such busyness presented itself last week that it was all I could do to keep up and respond, ignore, accept, dismiss and move onwards in hopes that the decisions I made panned out in a most fruitful productive way without loosing myself during the process.
I crashed hard on Thursday night. Actually shut down and felt nothingness, while a numbness ebbed into my being. I felt nothing for myself. Nothing for anyone and Jeff was feeling the same thing for different reasons that he was dealing with.
Falling in love during stressful periods of one’s life is never easy nor is it even normal. How is it possible that I can sit here smiling when just five minutes ago I was crying for the man who’s father is perhaps dieing tonight in the hospital. And this afternoon I attended a most joyous celebration; a jack and jill shower for my cousin who is getting married in two weeks time. I drove Jeff to the hospital tonight and met his mom. I sat in the family room and just drew silly stupid fish and flowers that didn’t make sense.
On Friday night I went out to celebrate my good fortune with one my tenants, Andrew and Jeff. We drank and were merry. I do drink on occasion mind you but do steer clear of drugs. And sometimes that makes me feel weird thinking that there is this video that was made that talks of being sober. I’m not sober all of the time. I am 100% sober off of drugs but do drink no more than someone who was never an addict. Some people who were addicts can drink and be normal users of alcohol.
I still do not know what to write and how to say it. Life is busy. My folks have been vacationing for a few weeks now and I’ve been looking after their commitments and showing apartments that they rent out and my brother just sold his house and moved into his girlfriends and he is storing all his stuff in my basement and garage until they build their new house and life is just so damned busy but exciting and happy at the same time that it was all I could do yesterday but sleep and sleep and sleep some more and be quiet within myself and surround myself with stillness.
And here it is 2:28AM on Sunday night which normally would be early for me but lately I’ve needed to be on a daytime schedule because everyone else is demanding it right now which really has affected my emotional well being but in a good, or bad way?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
…and this is not a freak out. Do. NOT. take. this. as. a freak out and offer me your condolences.
On the contrary, this is me dealing with issues that we all face at some point or other during our lives. And there is an art show coming up and custom work that I need to finish.
Truth be told I just want to be having some sex and cuddling with my guy right now and not typing this but yet I keep typing.