Lately it’s been difficult to hit that Publish button within the dashboard of this blog… as I’m questioning what to share and what not to share… what to say and what not to say… who to talk to and trust and who not to talk to and most of all questioning what it all means.
The bigger you get the harder you fall is hitting REALLY hard lately as my life becomes more and more public. It hits home instantly when you walk outside and while waiting for the bus or are having a sip of wine with a friend or are grocery shopping and are stopped or pointed at and someone says I know you from somewhere and then they ask your name and it registers with them that you are a blogger or worse if it’s a man they recognize you from a dating site (which is somewhat creepy) especially when said man who recognizes you is someone you don’t want to be in touch with in the first place.
I attended a large arts and crafts show this past weekend at Brunswick Square in Saint John from November 3rd to 5th (an didn’t even share it here on the blog due to being overwhelmed with prepration) selling my art and paper goods. It was an amazing show. I talked to many wonderful people during those three days and many of those same people recognized my art immediately from Etsy or Facebook or Twitter or from here on my blog. That in itself, is, very humbling.
I cried myself to sleep Friday night. I hadn’t truly cried in months and with a vengeance the teardrops fell. I also started my period (TMI I know!… deal with it) the following morning. You should have seen my swollen eyes when I awoke after four hours of sleep, haha, knowing it was going to be another 16 hour day standing on my feet and talking with the public. Ice cubes on the eyelids were in order. I pulled through though, and do prefer being half asleep, at times, as it shuts my damn brain down to be able to focus on you, rather than the inner workings of an over-active imagination.
The lines of privacy and publicity are being blurred at the moment as I celebrate my 38th birthday today, both online and offline, and if you’ll all bear with me while I sort this out in my head I’d be eternally grateful. I’ve been struggling with running away from it all and entering the workforce but after numerous rejection letters it certainly begins to wear on one’s confidence. But this past weekend gave me strength and renewed hope that I’m doing just what I”m meant to be doing.
Anyhow, I’m 38 now and that is okay. YAY! BTW, you can calculate your place in history here by using the nifty human calculator tool found on Population Action International’s What’s Your Number Calculator.
And that is me in the photo above holding a stack of freshly made 2012 Desk Calendars. You can get one (or two) here.