I usually don’t pay attention to any crazy-artist streaks within me, but I suppose from an outward standpoint it’s probably obvious. I have a tendency to swing between extreme emotions about everything I do, spending half the time loving a painting, and the other half hating it. But that’s normal, right? Creating is hard.

I also like to spontaneously change my work after it’s finished. One might say “destroy.” “Ruin.” “Cover up.” I say “improve.”

I have been known to quietly remove an unsold work from public view in order to change it in such a drastic way that it is essentially a brand new painting. First I’ll paint it white. Then I’ll paint it over.

This infuriates my husband. In his mind, the work now belongs to my fans and my audience, even if no one owns the physical painting. In my mind, the painting isn’t finished until it has a home, and as long as it’s hanging on my own wall, we’re calling it a “work in progress.”

It’s kind of like I realize, after the fact, after signing it and posting it online, that I have further ideas about how it should look, as though the painting was only half finished to begin with.

But this is really just a feeling. Sometimes I get antsy. If someone emails me and says “OMG I HAVE TO HAVE THAT PAINTING!” (which happens) then I no longer feel any desire to change anything about it. It feels done. I’m not in the business of destroying art that the public in general loves, nor am I trying to make any sort of statement about what the art means to me. It’s all just feelings. I certainly don’t want to remove a painting from existence if someone truly loves it.

When I look at the situation existing outside myself, I think I’d probably agree with my husband. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by covering up an art piece that someone admires but doesn’t have the means to own. I truly do understand this.

At the same time, I can’t look at the situation outside myself. I’m in it. The situation exists because I created it. The art is as I see it. Being spontaneously inspired and taking creative action is my prerogative. That’s where my skills lie; if I weren’t doing that, I’d still be delivering Chinese food or working at Disneyland.

This situation brings up an interesting question, one that I’m not sure I or anyone really has the answer to.

Where do you draw the line? At what point am I required to leave it alone?

I can’t imagine it being fair to anyone for an author to go in and change the story of a book he wrote after it’s been published and read. I even get irritated when I hear a different version of a song that I wasn’t expecting. And don’t get me started on George Lucas.

I’ve heard that it’s not the artist’s job to judge their own work, but to instead make the work and let others decide what it is. I can agree with that. I think the problem comes when I simply don’t feel I’m done making the work. Even if I’ve signed it. Even if I’ve said it was finished.

It’s not as simple as making another one. Each of my paintings take months and months to complete. I’ve spent a lot of my soul doing so. Starting over feels impossible. Working with what I’ve done thus far seems doable. In fact, it’s energizing. Therapeutic, even.

However, I don’t actually make the art for me alone. I am communicating something. My art is a reflection of how I see the universe, plain and simple. I want everyone else to receive that. But maybe sometimes I change my mind about what I’m actually saying. If I have the opportunity to better refine my voice, it’s hard not to take it.

Perhaps with maturity I will learn to appreciate the creative space I was originally in when I called the painting done the first time. That in itself must be documented in my ongoing career, if for no other reason than to show how I’ve grown as an artist.

What do you think? Is art ultimately a gift to the public or does it belong to the artist to change at will?

At what point does an artist’s work become emotionally adopted by humanity?

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

This past weekend I was talking with my dancer friend about a film she’d recently seen (Pina, a tribute to dancer and choreographer Pina Bausch) that she was very enamored with. She said I had to see it, that all artists would benefit from watching it, regardless of what art they created. I wasn’t opposed to the idea. Having read and benefitted from dancer Twyla Tharp’s universal perspective in her book The Creative Habit, I felt like I was down with the dancing crowd. I didn’t feel compelled to run out and see the movie, but sure. Why not.

To make her point, and because she had a captive audience, my friend whipped out her laptop to show me a few YouTube clips of the film. Okay, yes, it was pretty, and they definitely knew how to dance, and fine, they–OMG WHAT WAS THIS?! What were they doing?! The fluid movements and lovely down tempo beats! The sets! The costumes! IT WAS RAINING ON THE STAGE! The color and texture and framing and… holy crap, this was like watching a painting. I saw each scene much like I see the beginnings of ideas when I start a new piece. It was beautiful. I was downright inspired.

I love talking to other passionate artists. I love hearing them blather at length (as I do) about their individual loves and interests in art. I don’t even have to be familiar with their art to know why they do it. It’s a kinship. We speak a dialect of passion.

Not all artists are passionate. You can make art, but not be interested in it. I know a number of people who make art but have absolutely nothing interesting to say on the matter. They make art because someone told them they were good at art when they were in second grade and that’s the end of the story.

But, you can tell, by their art, that their heart isn’t in it. There’s no passion for it. They do it because they think they’re supposed to do it.

I would prefer if these people spent more time doing the things they were passionate about. Then we’d have something in common. Passion. You can’t contain true passion and it isn’t relegated to traditionally artistic things. I’ve met people who are truly and utterly passionate about working with children. This is their heart. Yet there’s an element of guilt they carry around because of an odd sense of failure as an artist. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Thank god there are people who are passionate about things other than art.

You can tell when someone is passionate about something, because it’s what they talk about. Lately I’ve taken to endlessly discussing (and writing about) martial arts, because I love it, I do it constantly, and I am unceasingly excited about it. It is a passion. My dancer friend understood this passion probably more than most. We discussed the similarities and differences between the two activities, agreeing that dancing, given its emphasis on balance, strength, pose, and coordination, would actually improve anyone’s ability to perform any sport.

I see a lot of symbiotic relationships in the art world. Music and pretty much any other medium can be combined for greater creativity, either in the process or end result. Performance art can show writers what words are come to life. Even something like gardening can unveil a new world of color and texture. We each have a smattering of interests that choreograph our lives. Those passions make us who we are. There are writer-dancers, fighter-painters, gardener-teachers, scientist-musicians, and floral-arranging-sculptors out there who each bring a different perspective to the world as we know it.

It’s a question of pursuit, each of us embracing our own passions, and our own lives. We don’t have to pursue the things we’re passionate about. We don’t have to pursue anything. But why wouldn’t we? Passion is where boundless energy and limitless peace originate.

Can you imagine living in a world where each of us wholeheartedly pursued the very things we loved most? I’d have trouble distinguishing between that and Paradise.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

I want to say upfront that this is just one story from my life, and not a commentary on the gallery system as a whole. My personal experience with “traditional” galleries has ranged from lackluster to unethical (and possibly illegal, but I’ll get to that in a second.) I do not believe they’re all like that. I’m very open-minded about galleries. I’ve simply had great success and enjoyment representing myself, and doing so is not a reaction to anything negative as much as it is a belief in doing something positive.

But anyway.

When I was starting out professionally, I heard from a number of people within the local art scene that I was ready for my own show. So I went out and got one. The gallery I’d found was up and coming, an offshoot of a more successful gallery nearby. The owner (we’ll call him Shawn) was an artist himself, and sold a great deal of work, all at higher end prices, with a pretty significant and growing following in the area. He liked my work, and immediately offered me a show. After securing a date, I heard from fellow artists that although his art “was a bit formulaic,” he seemed to be a fantastic businessman. The openings I attended in the months leading up to my show were lively events.

When I arrived at the gallery the morning of my own show to set up, I could sense a weird and unexpected attitude from Shawn. He was cold and unhelpful. He abruptly announced that I couldn’t use blacklights, a fairly integral part of my art, despite seeming enthusiastic about them a few weeks prior. He further informed me that I wouldn’t have access to half the space I was promised, because another artist was using it. When I firmly explained the necessity of the blacklights, he finally told me I could use a small room through a hall and in the back for this purpose.

I was determined to keep a good attitude about things.

The show itself ended up being quite successful. It was packed with people well into the night. Crowds gathered in the back room with the blacklights, oohing and aahing over the effect, and requesting that I switch out paintings around the gallery so that they could see every single piece under blacklight. Everyone was very encouraging about my future in art. I even sold a few of paintings, thousands of dollars worth. How great is that? My first show!

Except that the gallery owner didn’t exactly speak to me all night, and according to those around me, he was rude to almost everyone. One of my earliest collectors had spoken with Shawn and left the conversation so upset she refused to purchase a painting through him, lest he be the recipient of her (and half of my) money. Wow. That’s not good. She asked me when my contract was up, and said she’d be in touch then.

Yikes.

We left the night on as best a note as possible, and I was just happy that for the most part, and for appearances’ sake, it was a downright successful opening for me. The hard part was over, I debuted well, I sold work, and now my art would hang in a gallery for the next month for more people to see.

Or so I thought.

As more of my friends, collectors, and new fans who weren’t able to make it to the show trickled into the gallery, I heard ongoing stories of rudeness. After 2 weeks, half the time I was contracted for, I received word from various people that my artwork was on the floor, in the back room, replaced by the owner’s work. They took pictures of this, in case I might need them.

I was understandably pissed. I had lost sales because of this. How many more were lost that I’ll never know about? How did this gallery’s disrespect for artists and art collectors reflect on me?

I emailed Shawn to express my frustration. I emphasized that the contract we both signed stated that my work would be hung for a certain period of time, that he broke this contract, and that sales were lost as a result.

He wrote back to inform me that my “behavior” was ruining any chance I had for another show in his gallery.

I told him he was mistaken if he believed I had any intention of working with him again.

He said to pick up my artwork the following day, and that he would decide whether or not to pay me for my sold work after he returned from a trip to Mexico.

I kid you not.

A friend offered consultation with her lawyer, which I gratefully accepted. The lawyer agreed that the facts of the situation weighed quite heavily in my favor. Contract Law is an amazing thing. Cut and dry. It would go on his business record for 7 years.

It would, however, be very expensive and time-consuming for me. Much more than was feasible at the time. The question, said the lawyer, really came down to what I wanted to do with my life regarding this. I had choices. Ultimately he recommended a certain course of action that would preserve both my money and my sanity.

The following day, a friend and I waited outside the gallery for Shawn’s assistant. We could see all my artwork through the window, stacked up on the ground against the walls, including the sold paintings. When the assistant showed up, he made us wait outside for a few minutes. We knew exactly what he was doing.

After being let in, I went immediately into the back room to collect the sold paintings first. Not so mysteriously, the highest priced one was now missing. My friend began loading artwork into her car while I followed a hunch through the back room and into Shawn’s bathroom, where I fished my painting out from behind a stack of boxes in the shower.

He hid my painting in the shower.

When everything was collected, I told the assistant I had removed my work from the gallery, including the sold paintings, and especially the one he had hidden in the shower. I wish you could have seen him flinch. He made excuses for Shawn, said he’d dealt with his “crazy behavior” for years. I told him I would forward him the email trail I had collected.

After Shawn briefly threatened to call the police on me for “stealing artwork,” (I told him he should definitely do that) the assistant (having now read the emails) called to say it had all been a misunderstanding, and that they absolutely wanted to pay me. Per the lawyer’s advice, I didn’t return the call or engage in any further discussion with them about the matter. Shawn called a day later, said he was stressed out due to business, and reacted poorly because he was upset that I hadn’t “enjoyed” my experience.

Yeah, right.

Eventually they stopped contacting me. About nine months later, this gallery closed. Later, he opened another one. Over the next few years, I heard many rumblings around this beloved art scene, in which Shawn was clearly not very well liked. Apparently many people have had negative experiences with him. I’m not at all surprised. For him, ultimately, art is just a business, and artists are cattle. He’s got his painting slinging deal down pretty good, and although it’s a bit sad for the unsuspecting collectors he reels in, I guess it’s worked out for him.

For me, I think I came out okay. I certainly learned something, and ultimately I made more money from the situation than I would have if everything had gone according to plan. My collectors were more than understanding, and fully supported me through this awkward process.

It’s not a situation I care to repeat, but I’m very proud that I stood up for myself. In the scheme of it all, a pathetic, egotistical gallery owner won’t be more than a blip in my personal history. At this point, it feels like a distant memory. I’m doing great things.

And I have a much bigger life ahead of me. It only gets better.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

It’s easy to forget that our creativity needs practice. We often take artistic abilities for granted, because it’s just “been there” since we were children. Most of us are artists because it comes naturally. Sure we might have to learn discipline about the business aspects, but the art! Hey, that’s the fun part! That’s eeeeasy.

Until you hit a block. Then you spend each day staring at an empty screen or a blank canvas, cursing at the white space, convinced your career is over. The crying. The despair. Or maybe that’s just me.

Last week during a particularly difficult Krav Maga class, a new guy (a cop actually), stopped participating in class and took to crawling on the asphalt outside the back door to cool off and keep from vomiting. At least he had a good attitude about it. The same thing happened to another new guy the week before.

I remember feeling that way during my first class. It was immediately apparent that I was not as fit as I thought I was. The only reason I didn’t bow out after 20 minutes, gasping for breath, is because I was too embarrassed to admit that (although I was young and thin) I was totally out of shape. I felt like I’d been in a car accident and had the flu for days afterwards. And this went on for weeks.

Part of the reason I feel so committed now is because I’m terrified of falling back into that woeful place again.

The same thing happens with my creativity. Sometimes I get blocked for so long that my ability seems almost atrophied. I can’t paint, I can’t write. All my ideas are listless, weak. I forget how to push myself through a process I should know how to do better than anything else in my life.

When I’m working consistently and have numerous paintings in process all around my studio, it seems so easy to remain in that space. More than that, my creativity blooms.

It requires more than staying inside my studio, however. I have to go outside myself to find additional input. Otherwise my creative mind will spin endlessly within itself, never absorbing anything new to work with. I imagine it to be like those NASA pictures of galaxies consuming other galaxies. We have to pick up stimulation out there in the universe to sustain ourselves.

I think that’s why I require so much traveling. It causes a “reset” of everything I know, forcing me to experience new places, new people, finding my way around, taking in new scenery. Plenty of information for downloading, processing, and turning into art.

Inspiration comes in many forms, and certainly differs for all of us, just as our art is (hopefully) a unique reflection of our individual choices. Sometimes we just need to take a walk and look at the trees. Sometimes a good book provides plenty of imagery and new life.

To keep ourselves creatively fit, we must find inspiration that works for us, and consistently commit to it. It’s part of our job. I think we have a tendency to feel guilty about this aspect of our work. It’s fun, therefore it’s not productive. Or something. We are a society that lives on distraction, and as artists, we often confuse inspiration with procrastination. They are not the same. Engaging in productive inspiration is absolutely necessary for our survival. If we don’t take data in, we have nothing to put back out.

It’s certainly a benefit of our chosen paths. We have excellent justification for doing the things we love. It’s a honor to do art. Of course it can be backbreaking, emotionally-straining, and mentally exhausting. Many of us, at some point or another, cannot withstand the internal pressure.

We just have to stay in shape. We need to be strong and capable to take advantage of the opportunities that come our way. If we’re not prepared, life will pass us by.

Hopefully it won’t find us clinging to the asphalt.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

L

ast weekend I went to a concert of someone I’ve technically known since I was five, and despite the fact that she’s fairly popular, I was woefully unfamiliar with her music and had never seen her perform (unless you count living room karaoke.) It ended up being pretty incredible to watch, not just because the music was awesome (which it was) but because I was witnessing this person that I’d interacted with in a casual way perform as she does best, in her element, in front of her fans, in the spotlight. She displayed a great command of experience and talent in exactly the moment she needed to.

As artists, we’re familiar with this situation to varying degrees. Any time we’re at our own shows, or even doing something as simple as releasing a painting for public view, we summon all necessary skill and confidence into a fixed period of time in which we allow ourselves to be stars, to lead the room in a chorus of our own making. We understand the necessity of doing so, at least in short bursts, especially when we’re promoting something specific.

But what happens the rest of the time? Why do we tend to put our public selves into stasis when we’re not attached to the art? We still have a duty to be artists, which is doing more than making art. We have a purpose to live artistic lives, with intention and passion. Our lives should be as interesting and inspiring as our art. Being an artist is an action, not a title.

We should, in theory, have endless insight to communicate about our lives, whether we write, speak, or photograph it. We have a responsibility to the universe to explore, to think, to interpret information and put it back out into the world. That’s why people pay us. That’s why they care. That’s what they want from us. They trust us to be creative in our lives, and we honor that by doing so, by thinking creatively, by processing life in an artistic way. Even if it’s wrong. Even if it’s ugly.

After all, we’re each just works in progress. We’re all working toward a unique and complete narrative. Our lives should be art.

Not every artist is willing to share themselves. I personally fluctuate between sharing and hiding, but I’m working hard to give more of myself outwardly, because I think it’s the right thing to do. It’s unnerving to show wounds, but I’m learning to be more comfortable with that too. Not that it has to be gross to be authentic. Even the bad stuff can be thought out, edited, streamlined into a valid account of our personal story. We just have to be sincere with our emotional process, and forthright with our learning and growth. Of course we will change our minds.

I’ve noticed lately that the artists online I’m most interested in, whose work and blogs I regularly follow, tend to share more of their personal struggles and ongoing battles. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s compelling to watch. Sometimes I don’t even care for their art, but I really enjoy watching them be artists. At the same time, I often feel bored with artists who share nothing of their personal journeys, even if I respect their art. It just gets dull to only read about exhibits and sales and new work. I want to know the artist is a human being. I want to know they have good days and bad days. I want to know how and why he or she is really fucked up, and how that contrasts with the awesome, inspiring person they are on other days. If there’s no visible depth, it’s kinda empty.

I guess I’m learning that the art is just a byproduct, a symptom of being an artist. Our real purpose is to live as fully and completely as we can (which goes for everyone), and translate that into a unique form of communication. We have the opportunity to affect change, heal hearts, and shape culture, just by our creative thinking. That’s a powerful position to be in.

Maybe we ought to start thinking of ourselves as explorers.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

Relaxation doesn’t come easy for me, if at all. I’ve battled severe insomnia since I was a child. I’ve always had difficulty shutting off my brain. Over the years, I’ve developed pretty good skills at hiding it from the outside world, but internally I’m usually worrying over something. I like to drum up things to fret about if otherwise there’s nothing.

Working for myself is both a trigger and a relief in this regard. Since I’m obsessing over details anyway, I might as well direct that energy toward my own business. I work excellently on my own. I don’t need anyone to point out all the various nuances of business that I should be watching. (Even if I’m conversely too lazy to take action on them.)

Occasionally I must take drastic measures and run away somewhere. Travel is my drug of choice lately. It’s the only thing I find just as exciting as art. Sometimes more so. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need to inspire me to do more art. Often, while I’m gone, I still try to work. I answer emails, renew listings, send out invoices, keep everything moving along.

I think I’m afraid to let go.

As a society we’ve come to this point where we fear relaxation, like everything we’ve accomplished is going to implode before our very eyes if we stop moving for one second. We can’t sit still. There’s competition everywhere and if we look down for just a minute, someone is going to take our spot. It’s a cutthroat existence, this self-employment thing. We live to work. We make it a war.

I just wish I could enjoy myself when I’m enjoying myself.

I’m getting better at it. Slowly. It takes practice. I never realized when embarking on this Artrepreneur lifestyle that I would have to learn how to be away from it.

So, this week, right now as you read this in fact, I’m away on a trip to a quiet, beautiful, meditative place. (I didn’t even bring my laptop!) There will be much sitting and staring at gorgeous landscapes. There will be hiking on cliffsides. There will be warm, tropical, cleansing rain. I want to think a lot, and dream. I am chatting with my muse. I am exercising my right to relax. I am renewing my artistic spirit.

My goal in this is not just to inspire my art with beautiful, poetic scenery (although that’s a given.) I’m using this time to reawaken myself, me as a human being. I haven’t taken enough time to look inward while absorbing all that is around me. I focus so much on my art that I forget to restore my mind. This time is about healing, and rest, and reinvigorating my very soul.

That will make me a better artist.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

If you’re not familiar, ‘Work of Art’ is a reality TV show on Bravo about artists, in the same vein as Project Runway. Artists with different styles and backgrounds compete against each other toward one last battle, the prize being money and an official show in a fancy art place, displaying all the crap they made over the course of the season.

Each episode presents a new “challenge,” or theme, to inspire the artists to make a piece of art that will be judged against all the rest, after a time limit of one day in which to conceptualize, create, and finish their art. It has to be unique, innovative, something that passes the approval of “qualified” judges, and must never be too reminiscent of their own style or in any way similar to what they made last week.

It’s not much different than pulling in ten random people off the street, throwing them into a craft store for 20 minutes, and then demanding they produce genius art in a day.

This is not a venue in which these artists are allowed to display their lifetime of creativity, the progress in their own careers, or their unique fingerprint of inspiration. It’s a pressure-filled war zone where they are emotionally blindfolded, dropped off in the middle of nowhere, and told to build epic cathedrals out of popsicle sticks. Their reward is a harsh critique from some dude who owns a gallery in New York and the possibility that maybe, just maybe, Sarah Jessica Parker will grace them with her presence.

Given these strict confinements, the artists are generally left at a creative loss. Understandably. Which is probably why they often resort to taking pictures of themselves naked. Poof! Instant Art. (Unless you were the poor guy from last season, who photographed his overweight body in a desperate attempt to express his inner turmoil in life. He got voted off for it. But naked chicks? ART!!!)

This is the art world at its worst. Yet… I watch. I’m intrigued. Maybe I want to know my enemy.

There are moments, few and far between, where we get to see an artist creating really fantastic art. I also enjoy watching how they react to the limited circumstances they’re forced to work with. I’m glad I’m able to sit back and mock them instead of having my own career of work judged on one single challenge in which I’m not allowed to use any of the skills and inspirations I’ve developed over the course of my lifetime.

There was a girl on recently whose art reflected her battle with Crohn’s Disease. She couldn’t make anything else, or take criticism, so they kicked her out. Though it contradicts everything else I’ve said, I agreed with the judges’ decision. I guess in that moment, I realized that although this show is a poor example of it, artists do have to learn the skill of absorbing their outside environment and translating it into art. If you can’t go with the flow, there’s probably a key ingredient missing anyway. I hate that they are reprimanded for this, since it’s a skill gained during the course of one’s career, but I accept the lesson that, as artists, we will always have more to learn.

I just don’t think the lesson should come from this show, or these people.

‘Work of Art’ is, at the very least, basely educational. I think artists should watch it. If nothing else, the emotional response we have to each moment can be part of our own process. It’s unfortunate that this is what the general public may believe about art, and I’m angered that this is the state of the supposed art world.

To create a situation in which the souls of artists are judged against the opinions of game-show hosts for nothing more than advertising dollars is perverted.

I’m honored to be part of a new generation of artists that don’t value this sort of treatment. We are not cattle. Our experience and unique creativity are valuable. These things are not anecdotal. We spend hours a day for years perfecting our own form of expression, and we should be valued for doing so. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of soul. We bleed ourselves.

Art isn’t a trick that’s performed on cue. It is a language expressing the totality of our experiences.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

Lately I’ve been pondering the relationships artists have with other artists.

I think in some ways, there’s this mistaken dream that artists all gather collectively the way we imagine it was done in 1920′s Paris; a utopia of sorts for artists to mingle, support, and commiserate with each other.

A scene from the movie Midnight in Paris:

Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion.
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it.
Gil: You haven’t even read it yet.
Ernest Hemingway: If it’s bad, I’ll hate it. If it’s good, then I’ll be envious and hate it even more. You don’t want the opinion of another writer.

Well put.

Online, I’ve been fortunate to connect with many artists, mostly visual artists, but artists of other genres as well. Perhaps it’s the distance between us, the safe barrier of computer screens shielding us from the snickering, eye-rolling, and snide comments we’ve experienced in real life. Maybe it’s the sense that we share a common bond, not only of marketing ourselves as a business online, but also a common lack of artist-to-artist relationships in the real world.

Or, maybe we just have a wider audience in which to find people we truly click with.

In real life, at least for me personally, I find an odd, awkward distance in communication between myself and other artists. For whatever reason, conveniently, my real-life artist friends are the least likely to comment on my Facebook updates, acknowledge anything about my life, or ask how I’m doing when they see me.

Occasionally it’s been downright antagonistic. One artist friend actually broke up with me over it. She would say, of course, that there were other reasons, but the increase in eye-rolling, snideness, and inability to be near me that began the moment I announced my first art show was rather obvious. My favorite was the ongoing insinuation that because I hadn’t been to art school, I was practicing art without a license.

Why do we find it hard to be happy for our friends? Something good happens for another and we’re struck with scarcity complex, convincing ourselves that our friend is just luckier than we are, or that some magic fairy dust landed upon them that didn’t hit us. I’ve had to check myself on many occasions and remember that there’s plenty of success to go around even if I lost out on a single opportunity. We each have examples in our lives of someone we feel is living an “ideal” situation, and that person has their own example of the same thing. It always feels different inside our own heads.

Oh, resentment, the poison we drink in hopes that the other person dies. And for what? To prove that we aren’t lacking? Because we would rather the people we care about weren’t successful for fear of them making us look bad?

I want to be surrounded by people who are all doing their own thing, passionately, who are happy for others’ success because they honestly aren’t competing with anyone. True artists don’t compete because they would be doing their art regardless of what was happening around them. They would be artists in a wealthy castle, and they would be artists marooned on an island. If we’re not happy for our friends’ achievements it’s because we’re not content with ourselves. In my dream world, we’re all confident in what we’re each doing, regardless of how we compare to one another. Success is an individual achievement and means something different to everyone. If other people achieve their dreams, great. That means it’s possible for all of us.

It’s our own individual job to find it, and fight for it, rather than fighting with each other. I want a close-knit community in which we’re all made more successful by knowing each other, networking where we can, rising up together, and creating that utopia of artistic fellowship that doesn’t exist otherwise. If we work together, we grow together. If we fight each other for the top position, we fail. We all fail.

Perspective is everything.

–Written by Shayla Maddox for Art & Musings

…reading back in my Buzz stream and reading back in the Buzz streams of the people listed below and commenting on the Buzz post that you learn from or liking it as that action will bump the Buzz post to the top again allowing new Buzz users to see it and learn from it to.

I’ve been on Google Buzz for close to a month now and find it both invigorating and challenging at the same time. It’s taken me out of the safety zone of both Facebook and Twitter and thrust me into a new world where everyone with whom adopted the technology around the same time that I did, have become my Buzz friends. We communicate and share ideas. We argue, we learn and grow together. We made the rules.

These folks will teach you a lot about Google Buzz

Clicking their name will take you to their Buzz Stream while the second link will take you to their blog if they have one

• Thomas Hawk – photographer extraoridinaire and a man who understands how things work from a user perspective
• Andy Beard – voice of reason for all things internet… points out fallacy and backs it up with fact.
• Louis Gray – Reads likely as much about technology if not more than Robert Scoble and offers educated opinions on what he reads and shares on Buzz
• Mashable – enough said!
• Dirk Talamasca – for the lively and happy conversation within my own Buzz stream and on others. He is the first person I’ve met who really lives in Second Life.
• Kurt Starnes – highly recommend for great conversation and to learn the little nuances of posting to Buzz
• Robert Scoble – Reads likely as much about technology if not more than Louis Gray and offers educated opinions on what he reads and shares on Buzz
• Stephanie Wanamaker – Buzzes the best questions of the day
• Jody Swaney – not afraid to speak up for what he believes in. This Grandfather also won the first giveaway I hosted on Buzz
• Chaotic Neurons – most excellent sense of humour
• M. Farber – His Buzz stream is a treasure trove of visually stimulating Google Reader items. He also authors a blog
• Linda Lawrey – Most helpful in solving problems and for being most neutral in discussions. Sees both sides of the picture!
• Chris Messina – Google employee and open web standards advocate
• Angel Leon – He burst onto Google Buzz creating the Mooooooooar Follower rage. If you weren’t there when it happened… well… that content has since been removed. His stream is colourful with opinions on technology and this father to be shares his every day life to.
• Chris Loft – very first person to ReBuzz my content. He is an artist and musician and finds and shares some of the best and lesser known visually stimulating content on the web.
• Masha Du Toit – one of the first artists I met on Buzz (YAY!) who is actively using it to. Her Buzz stream is most pleasing to the eye.
• And definitely follow the Google Buzz Team to keep up with it all!

I tend not to follow people who import their Twitter streams, BipFM streams, MyBlogLog posts or FriendFeed streams or who are simply echo chambers of content already published on the web who do not offer an additional insight on what they are regurgitating.

I follow people who have something original to say.

From what I gather I am one of the few visual artists actively using Buzz today.

I began an are you an artist actively using Buzz thread… if you are one to please add your name to the list.

I would never have met any of these people if it weren’t for Buzz. Keep that in mind when you begin using Buzz and your time their will be most enjoyable. Buzz is about conversation. It is about learning. It is about sharing and discussing hot topics. It is about breaking away from the norm and not being afraid to do it. It is about open web standards. It is about blogging. It is about business. It is about being yourself.

It is about the future of the web and it’s happening right now in real-time.

You can follow me on Buzz here and follow the discussion happening about this blog post in real-time on Buzz.

This video is in response to Shayla Maddox’s Video!

In late December 2009 when I began painting Christmas ornaments, Shayla began painting pretty ornaments to. We talked on twitter and decided to exchange ornaments with each other.

Hope we can make this an annual Christmas tradition Shayla!

Go see Shayla’s light reactive paintings in her Etsy Shop or say hi to her on Twitter. Her husband, C. Jacob is also on twitter and has an Etsy shop to!

Yaelfran from Argentina contacted me in late August to ask if I’d be interested in submitting a drawing to the We Are… series of colouring books she produces monthly. Of course I said yes! What artist doesn’t love illustrating for children! And to quote the listing:

I can’t tell you how exited I am about this wonderful project.
“WE ARE…” is a monthly publication, that showcases Etsy’s artists illustrations in black for you to paint or just to keep as they are.

Every month we will featuring a group of 15 illustrators who will showcase their interpretation of a different theme. There will be also SPECIAL EDITIONS, like HALLOWEEN or CHRISTMAS ones.

This publication is printed on 250 gr paper, with a professional printer. It’s size is 4 x 6 inches closed. A very sweet size that gives you the possibility to take it with you in your bag, wallet, pocket, etc.

You can also separate the pages (by trimming them carefully) and have different and gorgeous postcards!!!!!

And below is the drawing I submitted to We Are Healthy of raindrops falling on a flower and a vine helping them both grow healthy.

Etsy Artists in this edition:

Pepperminte
Apak
Ohmycavalier
Heidiburton
Matilou
Kathannah
Marmeecraft
Geninne
Erindollar
Juliapott
Hisss
LittleRobot
JessicaDoyle
TheDreamyGiraffe
SuspectShoppe
eekdesign

You can buy the colouring book in Yaelfran’s Etsy shop.

ENJOY!

Early in December 2007 I did an international cross-country boundaries artist pen trade with Shane Vorhaben.

He sent me Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens that I couldn’t and still can’t buy here as I live in a very small city. I sent him Pilot G-tec C4 pens that he can’t purchase in the United States. As I have later found out, the Pilot G-tec C4′s are not available in the United States at ALL, anywhere! Can you believe that? Only in the UK, Japan and Canada. Even then, Canada does not have the plethora of colors available elsewhere. They are my favorite drawing pens next to Microns and now, Pitt pens.

I have a container devoted ONLY to non-toxic pens and markers.

Sadly my Pitt pens have almost run out! I’ve drawn them to a dry ink death. ‘Tis time to make that inaugural purchase from an online source.

Along with the pens we mailed each other unfinished *ACEO’s that we each will be collaborating on. After they are complete we’ll each keep one and mail the other back as we each sent two to each other.

I just did another ACEO trade in January 2008 with an artist in Germany named AKA oparthamburg.

There is no time limit or rather date of completion on these trades.

They will not be drawn until the final drips…

^{*ACEO – Art Cards, Editions and Originals. Must be 2.5″ by 3.5″.}

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So What do you do with that dormant artwork piled in your closet?

Here is a list of 10 possibilities

1. Give it away as a gift
2. Sell it on Etsy
3. Auction it off on Ebay
4. Cut it up and use it for collage purposes
5. Re-work it using that new paint!
6. …and finish that piece from 1982!
7. Take pictures of it and share it online
8. Create greeting cards from it
9. Hang it on the wall
10. Or if worse comes to worse you will die and your children will be filthy stinking rich when they sell it!

Next Week’s Tip – How to get good at drawing one thing

^{Last Week’s Tip}

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France Belleville, AKA wagonized draws her ladies beautifully and accurately.

And her portraits are to be reckoned with.

She can be found at her Wagonized Blog and also on flickr.

You inspire me to be a better artist. I love those damn shoes!

^{*Images are the property of the artist.}

I wrote Earning about a dollar more than minimum wage per hour when the Canadian dollar is worth a quizillion dollars on world markets today in my last post. And yes in is hard because it is the only negative aspect to the job I do four to five days per week.

I work as a custom picture framer at an art and craft supply store. I love my job. I frame original art, photographs, memorabilia, prints and certificates. I cut glass, matting and get to use air tools! Custom framing is an old trade of mine that I learned shortly after graduating from high school in 1991. I apprenticed as a picture framer for a local photographer for a few months to help with the Christmas rush. Later after graduating college in 1996 I began working as a custom picture framer for a local artist framing his prints and the odd job that came through the door. I work their for 14 months full-time.

Both of those times I earned about a dollar more than minimum wage. The thing is this, minimum wage has NOT risen a dollar in the last ten years. Ten years ago in 1997 minimum wage was at or around $6.30. Today minimum wage is $7.30 in New Brunswick. Go figure? Ten years… 10¢ a year it increased. Sad but very very true.

As for where I presently work, it is an OK job as far as jobs go. I work with 90% women which is awesome. I get to avoid the general public as the frame shop is it’s own entity. I work with the public but only those who want custom framing or those who believe we are the customer service department even though the whole back wall is covered with a thousand frame molding examples.

I get a good discount on art supplies. Yay! Enough said.

The biggest reason I chose to make a switch from graphic design to picture framing is simple; I burnt out BIG TIME from stress, relentless deadlines and working 50-70 hour weeks, week in – week out. This all lead to addiction. That lead to recovery and this Blog.

About two years ago I decided to continue freelancing, accepting the odd contract job here and there. That has been good and not so good as I completely flipped out earlier this year doing a small job for Scott. Maybe it was all the other insanities going on around me and needless to say Scott and I came to an agreement and all is good between us.

Thinking back to when I began college I chose Applied Arts over Fine Arts. I didn’t think I could make any money as an fine artist. As an applied artist I thought I could, because p.e.o.p.l.e, ADVERTISING will never disappear! Today I wish ADVERTISING would die. I wish I could stomp on it until all it’s edged frayed and every coat of varnish and 4 color press ink faded into smithereens. Your head can get damaged by all this when you are working against your heart year after year after year. I don’t care how good I was at it and at one time I was very good. I was best when sipping GHB hourly, sadly, gladly…

I don’t remember a time when graphic design didn’t make me want to puke. God. These words I’m writing feel cleansing yet they read harsh and unforgiving. I don’t want to forgive the Advertising industry. Thanks to you, I can analyze an ad, know why it works or doesn’t work, who the target market is and how to fix it if it needs fixing.

My ex listened to me every time the TV was on and a commercial aired. This design lingo would spit out of my mouth about what font they were using, colour scheme jargon, spit blargh… I couldn’t read the newspaper anymore. I could spot misaligned paragraphs, kerning and leading errors, copy mistakes and spelling errors. How could I be so good at something and have it make me sick to my stomach and worse be so scared to apply for a big professional job in that industry.

I’ve uploaded a measly amount of design work to this blog as I still retain some anger not at anyone in particular. Think Adbusters and what they stand for. I like them.

Money should never be a driving force in anything you do. It will freaking kill you. And when you are an artist trying to be a designer placed in the wrong communication firm can lead to your death or timely demise in that industry.

There are many Design jobs that come up here in New Brunswick and I’m qualified to do most of them and most of them would pay two to three maybe four times more than what I earn as a custom picture framer. I’m just not there anymore. For one thing I can’t sit still for EIGHT hours a day. I need to move. Out West I applied for one particular job. I got an interview. During the interview she said she received 400 applications. I ask her how many people she has interviewed. She says she’s interviewed 10. I happened to be one of those ten. I get called back for the second interview and then the third only to be told she hired the woman who had a kid. Not having kids as a young woman is another rant for another time.

I have to laugh right now. Hahahahahahahahaha Such is life eh?

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Over on Alliance for Arts there was an announcement made. This is one of the nicest announcements I have read about and hope to attend. As a blogger/artist/etc… this Outreach program could not have come at a better time for me. If any of you artists who reside in the Vancouver area would like to attend with me send me an email at vanesica(AT)shawca, I’ll be happy to go with you. It is free to attend and free to also schedule a one-on-one appointment.

The Artists Legal Outreach (ALO) is a pilot project of the Alliance for Arts & Culture. We will provide artists in all disciplines with access to summary legal advice and hold dialogues on arts-related issues on a monthly basis.

Who we are
The Artists Legal Outreach is staffed by volunteer lawyers with experience in legal issues faced by artists. All are members of the Law Society of BC and have insurance coverage. The ALO is guided by an Advisory Committee of members of the arts community and the Alliance for Arts & Culture.

What we do
Summary Advice: Legal advice will be offered in 30 minute sessions with a volunteer lawyer. After the artist completes an online intake form, ALO will review the form and schedule a session. During the session the lawyer can answer questions you may have and provide advice.

It appears that the dialogues begin this month. They have set up a summary advice clinic where all those wanting to participate can simply fill out an online form and email it back to them. They do not at this time provide artists with legal representation but can if needed provide a referral for you. It is open to all artists, individual or not who live in the Vancouver area.

Who is it for?
The clinic is open to artists in all disciplines to discuss art, entertainment, business and intellectual property law issues. All issues discussed must be related to your artistic discipline. Some business issues, such as contracts and incorporation, are acceptable. A referral will be provided to those who have questions in areas of law not handled by the clinic.

If you continually ask yourself questions will you ever decide? Probably not. The act of making a decision or the lack there of is at the heart of anxiety and ADHD. Today I’ll present you some answers to questions I asked in my previous post. The questions could be asked by anyone to anyone else. They are not relevant to me alone. You may relate to the question or the answer and possibly agree or disagree to either.

I placed italicized numbers beside each answer as the 29 questions are answered in no particular order. They all however form one complete idea.

Ok, if you have a website do you want to place advertising on it? (1.)Google Adsence and (2.)Amazon seem two likely choices to choose for potential ad revenue. They are both well established advertising programs on the web. I’ve not setup Amazon on Jessica Doyle however I have implemented Adsence. Like with food I’ll try them once and possibly twice and give them each a little time to simmer. And while the ads simmer (11.)RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication. and it needs to be fed a feed.

There are over 800 free (3.)themes available for WordPress to download. I have settled on using fauna. It’s flexible width, customizable and supports (7.)widgets; something I was looking for. I’ve yet to master the art of tagging with (12.)Ulimate Tag Warrior 3 (UTW3). I’m a novice at best. Tagging increases hits to your website through select words describing your content. Check out Technorati if you looking to search using tags.

I do not wish to (20.)work 9 to 5. I hope to (6.)make money through this website. I will ask you this; Say I set up a sort of (23.)raffle for artwork. Say this piece of artwork is valued at $100 and through Paypal, setup specifically to accept donations towards the piece of artwork that in the end would become tickets. Each ticket would be $5 and if you wanted five tickets it would be a donation of $25 dollars giving you five chances to win rather than one. As soon as the goal of the set price of artwork is met I will draw a ticket i.e. Once 20 tickets at $5 a piece are sold I would draw a name or email address randomly and mail your prize to you once you confirm your address through email verification. This would give everyone a chance to own original artwork. (18,19.)Through self publishing books of drawings and poetry my work will be available en mass in the near future through LuLu. I’ll also provide (25.)free downloads of my work in my gallery.

How much (5.)money do I hope to make… enough to cover my bills and living expenses. I’ve never grossed more than 25K a year. Most years it was much less. I manage as do most artists. At this point in time I put in five to ten hours per day every day, on this site through researching, writing and producing content. That is, in essence, working full time. You the viewer are reading and looking; in essence, consuming a product. The product is my site. (4.)As everyone living in the world today can attest, we as human beings need income to survive.

By staying true to one self an [tag]idea[/tag] becomes reality. By trying to (8.)please others one can lose contact with whom they really are. This is not to say that pleasing people is bad. (9.)It is however dangerous if you are not being true to yourself. By sharing who you really are with others in genuine honesty. Artists have a task and that task is to create. Artists draw from their own personal experience. Their senses take it in and your senses get aroused. Without artists there would be no culture. Everyone can relate in some way to at least one artists work, everyone. [It] can stir emotions long forgotten, take you to places you didn’t know existed or have never experienced. (16.)Art is the end result of a beginning.

I am 1.618 as are you. [It] is a number that the natural world seems to follow extensively. It is the Golden Mean. Click the Wiki for a brief quickie on what (17.)1.618 means. I (21.)understand this number… (22.)do you?

Ten happens to be the first number to have two digits that if added together equal one. We are all (10.)connected by the soles of our feet. Just think; you are standing on a tiled kitchen floor which is connected to the carpet going out into the hallway of the apartment complex you live in. This carpet leads to every other door within the building to every other human standing or sitting on their tiled kitchen floors. This carpet goes all the way down the stairs to the front exit where it connects to the stairs which connect to the sidewalk where many other feet are cycling, walking or running around on.

This sidewalk connects other structures together and also borders the street. There are humans in cars driving foot on petal connected to metal connected to the car and hence the street. The streets connect to other roadways leading to highways where other humans are stopping and going using there feet pushin’ petal to the metal! (14.)So yeah I’ve got a footprint (15.)connected to yours, which is connected to the rest, belonging to this world.

(24.)CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Jessica entered into this particular session half way through. Each session contains eight classes. How many sessions did Jessica attend? Next session begins this Friday and she will be attending all eight classes.

I hate to love. I love to hate. (26,27.)These two emotions rule all other emotions felt by human beings. They are the embellishment of the human soul.

Do I need your approval? (28.)No, would be the short answer. Change the word from “need” to “want” and ask the same question. Do I want your approval? Simply by changing what you need to what you want can have a huge impact on your decision making process. You may be surprised at how different your answers become. I’d love to have your approval but not your permission.

Lucky question number 13 is left to last with number 29. (13.)Is Valium good or bad? (29.)Are drugs good or bad? It’s not a question of good or bad, it is a choice; the choice to do or not to do. Whatever you do, it is your choice. Whether the choice is illegal or legal, it is your choice.

We each have been born with the ability to choose and choosing may mean walking the road less traveled for inspiration using our own two feet for support.