Category Archives: deep

Someday soon the word WAR will only be known to humans as the title of a nursery rhyme

chickens - nursery rhyme about war - illustration

And so it goes…

War

One day, not too long ago
Wars raged around the world
against oppression, against drugs and against the freedom of expression
Dictators, deceitful governments and corporations ruled the world
They devastated ecosystems and annihilated whole segments of citizens and animals
in the name of power and monetary wealth

In late 2008 social networks gained mainstream traction
and the world for the first time in history could talk, organize and protest together
The battle was vicious and bloody in many sectors of the world
Power shifted rapidly
Censored information demanded to be free
Governments could not keep up with the demands of the people
and the last of the corrupt regimes and organizations were toppled on December 21, 2012

The newly formed democracies declared world peace
The Army traded in their guns
and joined forces with the Police
to lessen hostility
and spread compassion and truth for the people to the people

Social networks flourished
and with the aid of advanced browser integrated online language translators
allowed for the first time in history, humans to realize how precious, unique, vulnerable and the same, we all are.

We were no longer afraid.

The illustration began as a drawing for a client but soon took on a life of it’s own as I’m no longer accepting custom work. Fine art prints of this illustration will be available soon. I’ve been unable to decide if it’s done or not so it remains taped to a masonite board.

artist jessica doyle's studio - painting table - art supplies

If you haven’t been following the recent events unfolding in Egypt, you should be! I’ve been regularly updating my personal Facebook page and Twitter with information on the protests that I find online.

Some great resources:

On the outside looking in

How do you find your way in a world where everything is familiar and long ago thoughts, ideas and beliefs begin to creep into your being once again? Twenty years ago I answered this question by applying to college in another city and upon acceptance of my application moved away as quickly as I could at the age of 19.

I don’t want to do that again, but the idea of doing it continues to pop into my head. My closest in real life friends live a world away offline but online they are right beside me via Skype, email and Facebook. These are people I went to college with or are childhood friends with whom I skipped, walked and played hide and go seek with. I see them once per year or even less at times. I miss them greatly at this time of year.

It’s so difficult moving back to the city you grew up in and making strong connections especially when you live alone, work alone and choose to associate with very few people offline most days due to financial constraints, past wrongs and simply opposing belief systems.

So right now, I’m on the inside looking out the studio window and don’t know where to go, who to talk to or what to do and it’s driving me crazy! I don’t want to teach art classes or be involved in the arts offline. It’s not my domain. Really. I’m an online activist and content creator much more so than an offline one. Or maybe it’s just because I don’t know how to do it? Or I don’t know how to take what’s in my head about working online and put that knowledge down on paper and teach it.

People from various organizations are contacting me to come and speak or teach workshops. I don’t know how to do that. If you want me to do that you need to help me. Push me. Pay me. Really. I don’t know where to begin in trying to navigate the grant system or how to apply for an art gallery opening. You need to set up an actual appointment for me and not leave things so open ended as it’ll be another year or never before I reach a decision. I understand online but not offline.

I find the activist in me is coming out and I’m seeking an organization to join or common interest group and hope that I can find the courage to follow through with that goal before I turn into a peanut. I keep thinking about knitting, sewing and working with fabrics again. I’ve got all the supplies and three sewing machines sitting upstairs waiting to be turned on.

Anyways, life has a way of cycling and repeating itself and it’s not until a decision is made that the loop ends and a new fuller path is presented you.

On the outside looking in is available as a limited edition print on HandmadeCloud.

Just a thought about being online

It’s not about the fame or fortune, it’s about the ability to share one’s perspective with you, not the whole world, but with you alone while you sit, lounge or lay around looking to be talked to, moved, entertained or even made to be impulsive.

What we do as individuals online is received by the senses of another individual who is online too.

Hello HandmadeCloud.com

Ten facts about HandmadeCloud

  1. The monthly newsletter sign-up works
  2. Not all categories have product in them yet
  3. Payments in Canadian Dollars (CAD) are securely handled offsite via Paypal or by Local Pick-up
  4. Check-out and Registration work seamlessly
  5. Gift cards will be available soon
  6. Flat rate shipping for Canada, USA and internationally
  7. You can shop by colour or other…
  8. This site is a work in progress
  9. Eight months is a long time to be keeping a domain name secret
  10. Digital downloads will be available sooner than later and be licensed in a happy CC kind of way

And after all this, if you notice a glaring bug, don’t hesitate to contact me, or if, you just want to say something that won’t cause me angst about this site… those words, phrases and sentences are most, welcome to.

😉

Chasing the dragon for the last five years

Chasing the Dragon Illustration by artist Jessica Doyle yellow, blue, green

Today marks five years sobriety for me off of GHB.

I drew this dragon five months ago. I added the watercolour five days ago and the image just screamed chasing the dragon once the colours began popping it to life. It still needs more work mind you… Subconsciously, I still chase that illusive dragon when working, creating or even when alone thinking or researching. When what I’m working on, creating, thinking or researching climaxes, I certainly do, feel high and struggle to get to the end. I almost can’t contain myself at times and must run outside to smoke a cigarette and sadly, nicotine is the worst drug of all, as it doesn’t even make you high.

I silently research drugs, their uses and legalities. I consider it a hobby and when I feel the need to use a substance that most certainly will cause me angst, I read back in my journals about the gruesome detox and agony I suffered through for months when sobering up from GHB.

It’s not a pleasant experience to break out in painful large blisters and pimples all over your back, arms and legs and to lose feeling in your extremities and watch your fingers and toes go blue from slowed blood circulation as you reduce your dose of GHB slowly and by half each day for one week at home. It’s not human to recoil into an infantile state regressing to points in one life while awake or asleep when bad things happened only to have to vividly relive them again and again until you aged and moved onwards to the next abuse or trauma.

Process of chasing the dragon illustration by artist Jessica Doyle winsor and Newton watercolour blue green

And I certainly don’t miss the need to dose every half hour at times and the need to overdose just to sleep for two hours at a time or the constant fear of knowing that I would die from sudden withdrawal without GHB running through my system if my drug dealer ran out of it or I forgot my bottle at home after leaving the house for that day. I would return home for the bottle. Always. You hit a certain point with GHB addiction where there is no turning back to just recreational use. Missing a dose can send you into convulsions. Missing a dose can stop your heart from beating. Missing a dose can take your breath away forever. While taking too much can make you fall asleep and go into a coma.

I do miss the first five months of the addiction; the time when everything was wonderful, my brain worked properly and life seemed easier even if it was only a charade.

And most of all, I DO NOT REGRET taking GHB or becoming addicted to it as there were times when it, was perfect.

Over the years people have said to me why not take a Xanax or a Valium to calm down. Are you kidding me? Really, offering a sedative to someone who was addicted to them for two full years (albeit the illegal kind) is like offering a recovered heroin addict a T1 or an alcoholic a just a small shot of whiskey.

Studio of artist Jessica Doyle showing chasing the dragon illustration paint watercolour acrylic

So, chasing the dragon is akin to being amongst the living.

Chasing the dragon is a work in progress. Thus far the mediums used are Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens and Winsor and Newton watercolour on Arches watercolour paper. It measures 8×10 inches (20,3cm by 25,4cm). And I do not ever smoke inside. My household is a strict non-smoking and scent free home.

The programs offered by addiction treatment centers are designed to help treat addiction to any kind of illicit drug.

Etsy feels like an addiction

And I should know because I am an addict.

Four and half years ago when I was being treated for GHB addiction my doctor asked me what I planned to do for money. At the time I was just discovering the beauty of blogging and all the possibilities that it held: a way to share my ideas, artwork, meet and converse with like-minded people and perhaps earn an income. I had already made the decision to never venture back into the applied arts world of graphic design and was looking for a more holistic way to live that in turn complimented my ideals and would allow for personal growth but more importantly, live as an artist.

The doctor asked how much time do you spend online? Continue reading

Goals for 2010 and Happy HAPPY New Year Meme!

Last year I wrote my 2009 goals list and recently updated that list to reflect upon what I did and didn’t do in 2009. I hope to continue this annual tradition and invite others to do the same.

  1. Pay for and apply to get my Canadian Passport (I haven’t been outside of Canada in 16 years)
  2. Offer art lessons online
  3. Paint a lively mural on the bland white washed wooden garage located in the backyard in the summer time and research alternative energy sources (wind turbine, solar energy) and turn lively painted garage into a year round greenhouse
  4. Build a fence and gate around the backyard
  5. Pot, haul soil and plant a vegetable, herb and edible flower garden in the backyard and mulch 100 feet by 4 feet of lilac bushes surrounding this property
  6. Colourize 10 ink drawings in Adobe Photoshop
  7. Paint one of a kind usable art objects i.e trunks, ornaments, boxes, knobs…
  8. Record two video’s per month and post them to both Youtube and this Blog
  9. Integrate Lijit Search, Discus Comments and Facebook Connect into this blog making it easier for you and me to share opinions and find the things or posts you like
  10. Upgrade Thesis theme to the latest version and learn to or pay a designer to customize it for me
  11. Barter art for clothing and other handmade goods and services
  12. Take care of student loan debt
  13. Travel somewhere alone… maybe Brazil, New York and/or Ireland
  14. Budget to hire an accountant or bookkeeper bi-monthly
  15. Do my best to have two to three rooms rented at all times
  16. Introduce 5 new (utilitarian) products with my art printed on them i.e. clothing mmmm yeah!
  17. Make a huge effort to meet people in Saint John with whom I connect with (I know you’ve got to be out there!)
  18. Do random acts of kindness both offline and online
  19. Walk away from and distance myself from those people who want to see me fail
  20. Argue honestly and express anger without feeling threatened
  21. Wait until summertime to buy rumoured 5 mega pixel iphone and/or rumoured apple tablet (to this day I have never had a cell phone and it’s just getting to the point that I need one)
  22. Listen to music that inspires
  23. Accept that Catholicism is not something I completely believe in
  24. Join the growing movement lobbying the City of Saint John to build grocery stores in densely populated areas of the city that are within walking distance
  25. And above all to learn more about you

I tag Shayla, Christopher, Lorrie, Range, Johanna, Cara, Pamela, Biffy Beans, TaraFly, Esther & Estella, Karen Faulkner, Think Bakery and Kreativlink to write your 2010 goals list and publish them to your blog. This list can be as long or as short as you want it to be. Please tag a few of your friends to do the same and link back to the person who tagged you.

Happy New Year!