Category Archives: deep

Revisiting the 2009 goals list or what I did and didn’t do this year

On January 2nd of this year I wrote a 2009 Goals List. I am revisiting that list now seeing as 2009 is quickly coming to a close. In blockquotes is the goal and just below is the update…

1. Get my site off of WordPress.com and back to self-hosting

I accomplished this goal. I self host a wordpress blog on Media Temple.

2. Increase sales in the shop to 5-10 per day

My sales numbers remained steady at 1 – 6 sales per day throughout 2009, however the dollar value of each sale did increase. 😉

3. Fall in Love

Still searching for that ultimate love… I’ve met some wonderful men along the way but none that truly make me go wow! The year is not done yet!

4. Buy a 4-Family home in Uptown Saint John, live in one unit and rent the other three out

I purchased a 4 bedroom house in East Saint John (5 minutes driving or 25 minutes walking from Uptown Saint John) and rent out 3 of those 4 bedrooms to people. I share 2 bathrooms and a kitchen with them. My tenants have their own living room as do I.

5. Blog 7 to 15 times per month

I certainly met this goal! Yay!

6. Update Flickr 2 to 3 times per week

Well, it seems my use of flickr has evolved and I tend to update it irregularly with sometimes only one picture or with many illustrations all at once. And I’m happy with that!

7. Finish paying off massive 11 year Student loan debt – I’m so close I can taste it!

It seems there is a still a little debt remaining which I must take care of in 2010. You think you are done but you are not…

8. Introduce Flat rate shipping into the shop

I did this during the summer of 2009. You pay the shipping on the most expensive or heaviest item in your cart and each additional item thereafter only costs you a penny to ship! Go shopping now eh!

9. Introduce ready to hang Stretched Canvas prints and larger sized prints into the shop

The larger sized prints began showing up in the shop about three months ago. Canvass prints will be there hopefully in 2010!

10. Introduce new art (yes, I’ve been busy creating new pieces)

Many new artworks were introduced during the year inlcuding the The School of Fish, The Sultry Seahorse (a personal favorite!), Absynthe 99, Christopher the Fish, Set it Free, Hope (Peace Edition), Martha the Elephant, And a wave of sadness washed over me, The Indigo Urchin and Friends, Pussy Willows, Knowledge #1 and #2, Rolling Roses, A freind said these flowers look like breasts, Evolution, The three little kittens, Soft, Point, Float and Spring Magnolia’s… and many many more…

11. Get to four years sober off of GHB in August

And I did just that and grew some potatoes instead!

12. Do not develop another addiction

The addiction I battle is smoking. I did my best to quit in 2009 but to this day am still smoking. And I smoke OUTSIDE and diligently wash my hands before handling art and supplies. My house is a non-smoking household at all times!

13. Hire a housekeeper once per week once I’m in my new pad because as my art is created clean, neat and tidy and shipped out to you in the same way my housekeeping skills are not so

I am the hired housekeeper of this house.

14. Do 2 small custom design jobs per month

Yes, I did this.

15. Sell 1 large original artwork per month

Yes, I did this to.

16. Be featured in the local newspaper

I did something better by attending my first local art sale!

17. Be featured in a National women’s magazine

I have the proper contacts now and hope to fulfill this in 2010.

18. Be featured on a huge blog

My artwork was featured on numerous blogs this year, namely, Design Milk, Cuteable and OMG Posters! Thanks so much to everyone who featured my artwork this year! xo

19. After Falling in love maybe make a baby

Um, yeah… it’s looking more and more like I’ll need to go to a sperm bank. On the other hand I’m not sure I even want to see kids in the picture…

20. After massive student loan debt is paid off continue to live debt free except for paying the mortgage which will be paid off by tenants which will in turn, turn into my own financial security in 25 years when I retire

I’m working on this one people!

21. Maintain healthy weight of 130 to 135lbs

Yes, I met this goal!

22. Take a 2 week long vacation

I went away for one fabulous week in April/May with my Mom to Southern Ontario. Here are the pics! I’ve taken little weekends here and there and hope to next year get an actual Canadian passport and travel far far away!

23. OLDisNEW vintage will be getting a massive update

This is a work in progress… believe me there will be more fantastic stock in that shop this coming year! I have loads of it!

24. Earn more than poverty level income in Canada for the first time in four years

I am earning more but am also spending more because I own a house 😉

25. Most of all I will continue to strive to be happy and believe in magic

This is an ongoing process… that will continue for the rest of my life.

Anyhow, it was a great year! I’m so happy to have met you all and glad you are here and a part of my life!

xo

And a wave of sadness washed over me

Between life becoming busy and life seeming mundane, grey and somewhat frustrating I can’t say that I haven’t been feeling sad lately because I have.

Sadness Rant

I’m tired of being single and feeling lonely
I’m tired of people writing and blatantly saying they are going to copy me but as they don’t sell on Etsy; it’s ok.
I’m tired of idiots that are disguised as gentlemen who won’t return a journal that rightfully belongs to me.
I’m tired of this city
I’m tired of not earning enough to own my own place
I’m tired of being so close I can taste it
I’m tired of not understanding Google Analytics

021

I’m just very tired lately and everything seems to be bothering me.

03

…and I’m working hard and I’ll be damned if I’ll be down for that long because there are goals to meet this year…

And a wave of sadness washed over me

Size – 8×8 inches / 20,3cm by 20,3cm
Artist Quality Materials used – Faber Castell India Ink, Pilot Silver Gel Ink, Pilot hi tec C pens and Pilot Gtec, C4 pens, Strathmore Flower Petal Paper
And the wave of sadness, well it’s listed for sale

Smelting Self Confidence

I walked into the kitchen to wash my hands and met a ghastly hilarious sink filled with smelt. It took me by surprise. I stepped back, laughed and walked to the bathroom to wash there instead.

My uncle had been ice fishing for smelt and Mom was thawing out the frozen fish for cleaning, then cooking.

Later that night (last night) I attended a party at my brother‘s place. I was holding onto optimism that sales would increase this coming week and decided to leave my laptop, business and ideas at home so that I could relax, have a few drinks and hang out with great people, some of whom, I’ve known since early childhood.

A few hours into the party I secured a small design contract and a babysitting job.

So, how does self confidence relate to Smelt? Continue reading

Goals for 2009 and Happy HAPPY New Year

  1. Get my site off of WordPress.com and back to self-hosting
  2. Increase sales in the shop to 5-10 per day
  3. Fall in Love
  4. Buy a 4-Family home in Uptown Saint John, live in one unit and rent the other three out
  5. Blog 7 to 15 times per month
  6. Update Flickr 2 to 3 times per week
  7. Finish paying off massive 11 year Student loan debt – I’m so close I can taste it!
  8. Introduce Flat rate shipping into the shop
  9. Introduce ready to hang Stretched Canvas prints and larger sized prints into the shop
  10. Introduce new art (yes, I’ve been busy creating new pieces)
  11. Get to four years sober off of GHB in August
  12. Do not develop another addiction
  13. Hire a housekeeper once per week once I’m in my new pad because as my art is created clean, neat and tidy and shipped out to you in the same way my housekeeping skills are not so
  14. Do 2 small custom design jobs per month
  15. Sell 1 large original artwork per month
  16. Be featured in the local newspaper
  17. Be featured in a National women’s magazine
  18. Be featured on a huge blog
  19. After Falling in love maybe make a baby
  20. After massive student loan debt is paid off continue to live debt free except for paying the mortgage which will be paid off by tenants which will in turn, turn into my own financial security in 25 years when I retire
  21. Maintain healthy weight of 130 to 135lbs
  22. Take a 2 week long vacation
  23. OLDisNEW vintage will be getting a massive update
  24. Earn more than poverty level income in Canada for the first time in four years
  25. Most of all I will continue to strive to be happy and believe in magic

I wish you all the best this year in 2009 and thank you for reading my blog and for the conversation during the ups and downs in 2008.

xo

Synchronicity

As human beings we search for connections, look for validation and adhere to the norm. Every now and then a new idea emerges from the masses taunting older symbols long since ingrained within the societal stigmata.

This idea softly floats about joining itself to others through the senses in both unconscious and conscious ways. Once spoken, programmed, written, drawn, painted, acted or cooked it is not but a dream no longer; it is reality.

And your reality is whatever you choose it to be.

You can follow the real-time conversation about this blog post on Google Buzz.

Etching Memories Without Fear

In a moment our lives switch and adapt to our surroundings, yearning for alternative ways of thinking in approaching life.

When you meet new people that in itself creates new pathways in your brain causing reflection, affirmation and acceptance of what once was. Memories are created and we can either forget about them moving onwards to other circumstances and events or remember them by thinking. This act of thinking about that event or time places it into your long term memory.

I traversed the town this weekend. The summer gallery hop was in full swing Friday night. My friend Karen had appeared at the front door with flowers in hand for me. I smiled! The last time someone bought me flowers was several years ago.

Creatively speaking, these last few weeks left me feeling drained and ultimately defunct and void of blissful energy. By Thursday of last week I wondered whether I’d ever draw again. Art paper didn’t make sense and the computer was following close behind in being unrecognizable. This was not a creative block it was fear!

Thursday evening I tied up all loose ends, wrote the folks who needed to be written to, emailed customers and clients and called it quits until today (Sunday). I planned to take Friday and Saturday off to attend the hop and then the following day a wedding. Two days in a row off from working is a record for me lately.

A painter named Chris on Friday night who had artwork on exhibit at the Kausen Gallery to spoke with me. He was in his early 60’s. I asked if he ever got scared that it wouldn’t come back? He’s laughed wholeheartedly replying “yes, on more than one occasion.” I smiled knowing that it was ok to relax and enjoy myself without worrying about my art, creativity, circumstance or status.

A memory did form from that night. One that will be etched forever secret until the story itself unfolds to those involved sometime in the not so distant future. I wish I could fly to Eastern Europe and take another few days off.

Until then,
I’ll be here,
inspired.

…and recovering from wearing stiletto’s for eight odd hours!

967 days later…

Memories accumulate over time interlacing overlapping each other causing fog to form at the base of one’s understanding. We see people in passing who at one time understood us; perhaps even loved us and whom we used to love to. They dwell between the nether regions of our souls; a place dark perhaps distraught from years of neglect and solitude.

When you see what it really is
that is what you’ll “get”
Got it?

I don’t know why I saw her tonight. I don’t know why she was there dancing. I couldn’t understand the memories that surged yet understood why and how they became.

We ingested copious amounts of drugs together. We partied days at a time. Not hours. Nor evenings. Days. 72 hours? 3 days turned into weeks for me. Months. Years. Passed.

It broke tonight. The craving for intoxication. Annihilation. Emptiness. I saw her and all that was is. All that will be was forgotten.

Nine hundred and sixty seven days later I remain sober of GHB.

Fuck, the last two weeks became stupendously hard for me and I don’t know why. It was all I could do but work, draw, write, sleep, not sleep, be, not be, freak silently while the cravings raced over me, through me and around me. How can this be? How!!! Talking to someone here in this freaking city is irrelevant. People here in this small town have no clue. NONE.

So, I will talk to you. You who will not judge, nor react. You who will accept. You the unknown, the present tense of life.

It melted away tonight. As quickly as it hit, two weeks later it melted, evaporated. It’s been a long long time since I’ve craved like this. Maybe the longest it has ever lasted since I quit. The whole of the month of April, 2008 has nearly strangled me with… the words just don’t exist to continue writing right now.

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A Short Illustrated Story featuring Little Dude

Things have become ridiculously serious around here lately. To lighten things up I’ve put together a morbid little illustrated short just for you because I love you.

And Artist’s Tips will return tomorrow!!! Muahahahahahahhaaaaa!

I am feeling much better. Thank you.

A Short Illustrated Story

Yes, the drawing of the little dude catching the big fish was drawn on pretty pink acid free cotton Canson paper using a Pilot G-tec C4 pen. :)