I wish the Canadian government would begin taxing fast and processed foods as much as they tax cigarettes immediately. And don’t even try to argue with me by saying it’s food, and a necessity. It’s not food. It’s a manufactured multi-national addiction too, brought to you by multi-national corporate marketing and advertising jingles combined with scientifically proven perfect amounts of fat, sugar, genetically modified soy and salt to make you want to consume it, more and more and more.
Fast food is next on the list for outrageous taxes. The day of the $20.00 Happy Meal is coming quicker than you think to Canada. Continue reading
So thank you everyone for the kind words and for sharing your hypothyroidism stories here on the blog, on Google Buzz and in email with me. The hardest part in all of this is accepting it and thus moving forward with changes I must make to my daily routines and eating habits.
I have many questions and concerns that seem to be unanswered at the moment or are answered in a way that brings up more questions or the answers just haven’t sunk in, yet.
Can I take a pro-biotic with Synthroid in the morning as it’s to be taken on an empty stomach and first thing in the morning too? I take two 10,000,000 billion active cells capsules that contain both acidopholus and bifidus. This has kept Chron’s disease in remission for 14 years and I do not want to stop taking it as it works.
And what about Calcium? I was taking 500mg of calcium carbonate/citrate w/ vitamin D daily and used to take it first thing in the morning too at the recommendation of my family doctor in Vancouver, due to a family history of early onset osteoporosis. When do I take this supplement if I can’t take it with Synthroid? Is it safe to take it at all while on Synthroid? Do I take it before I go to bed instead? Is that safe? Continue reading
Ever feel the fog lifting? Have you ever witnessed the fog lift in the evening just as the sun is setting? The colours are most awesome; the oranges, scarlets and violets.
A friend said to me today “The fog has lifted for you eh? And yes, I suppose it has.”
This past Thursday I got a clean bill of physical health from my doctor. This is the first time that that has been so in more than a decade. I finished the Paxil taper on the following day, Friday. A little over a week has passed since.
The side effects of tapering have diminished significantly. I have an appointment with a Mental Health Professional this coming Tuesday to take care of any loose ends and brain blips. Other than that I’m all good. It’s all good. Good. Great.
My weight is stable. I’ve lost 26 pounds over this past year. I wear a size 6 to 8 comfortably at 5 foot 5. If I put on 5 pounds I’m considered overweight by the standard BMI charts and that fact is ridiculous.
I hadn’t tried that combination before. I ate three meals yesterday.
When the day began I woke at 11:00AM, threw some clothes on and bussed it over to the Mount Pleasant area of Vancouver to meet with a client. The night before my roommate finished moving her things out by 11:00PM. I am sad she had to go. Our lifestyles are very different and over time, we found they did not compliment one and other. And the damage deposit was not paid. I am grateful to have the manager I do here in the apartment complex I live in. He has been kind to me since Eric moved out in December. I miss Eric. Those difficult emotions are presently fresh in my mind but softer and manageable now. He did what he had to do. I can imagine him in Thailand and smile.
A few unexpected financial things occurred yesterday. My *GST check was automatically deposited into my bank account. I spoke to the man who purchased my painting and asked if he could make another small payment on the painting. He said yes and did. Text Link Ads paid me for the sponsor links they place on the top left of my sidebar. I talked to one of my clients about paying me in advance for any work he needs done in the near future. He agreed. Thank you. I have been working with him for two years now and we have a stable trusting work relationship. Google owes me just over a hundred bucks and I expect that in my account later this month. I have not returned my bottles yet. I didn’t have the strength yesterday.
I did however go and purchase groceries at the local market. I had food in my fridge and cupboards but was missing fresh vegetables and fruit, cheese, tofu, fish, chick peas, muesli and my favorite; pumpkin seeds.
I want to control my own mind.
Think about that sentence.
Before the addiction there was anxiety. The addiction came after. What does this mean? I am nearing 18 months of sobriety from GHB addiction. Is this important to write out; to meander upon and discuss with oneself? Thinking it out does NOT work for me. I need to be executing. After reading (edit – I’ll add the links for this after I eat supper)
At 19 months an addiction lost feels like this:
It feels like a close realistic dream. I remember that person. I think about her. It seems real beyond conscious recognition. I have been fighting this lately. When things become good. fear evades and scrambles the viewfinder. I am that person and not that person. The past to present only through memory. It’s all in the mind you know. And it really is. The pulls-sets up for speeding up your emotions. Heightening reaction. Is this how normal people feel? Are your emotions that strong? I am dead serious. Because I cannot remember being this insane; an insanity of the brain. A stain that just won’t wash out.
To combat addiction do this
I have begun actively exercising. The weather is warm. Walking is good.
I walked 10K this past weekend. Sun was-soo good.
I fit into my clothes again without purchasing new clothes to compensate for my weight gain during last year. Goal achieved. Guesstimated savings – 200 per month. I don’t remember when the last time was that I purchased clothing from a retailer of new apparel.
At 29 I began only purchasing new clothing that was wear proof, that is; would last a longer amount of time and not fall apart at the seams or have any buttons fall off during the first year of ownership. I like clothing. You can purchase clothing that outlives trend, reaching classic style.
I, am my mind.
You, are your mind.
My mind to your mind.
Weird things happen to addicts. Even weirder things happen to normal people so it seems.
Reflection upon those things won’t kill you either. I nearly killed myself using GHB. I wanted to kill the person I became. Addiction isn’t pretty and it isn’t fun. Getting there was damn fun. Once there in the midst of it all you’ll say good bye to your whole life and become the drug you sought after all. The drug isn’t you. But you can be the drug. I used drugs or alcohol for 18 years because it worked. It worked so damn well I became it. Damn that makes me angry. I don’t know who that person is and she recorded it as I do today. It is really the only way to come to a conclusion of any kind pertaining to one’s psyche and two, self.
To be a human being, is to be one.
Title – Scathing Microcosms
Medium – ink on acid free paper
Artist’s Statement – Angry Pepsi Cigarettes Machine
During the course of composing this post Iâ€™ve come to realize that all these thoughts and ideas of mine are not out of the ordinary. Maybe in smaller microcosms of human life they could be. I think about this like-mind thing that gets lots of press-time in the blogosphere. It has truly intrigued me. I am not aloneâ€¦ Repeat 1000 times.
To you Mr. Angry, your anger inspires me. If you can create while angry and be happy, I can too. I mustered up all the courage I had last night and drew a picture under the influence of anger. I smile now, but last night just like when writing this article tonight, Iâ€™m starting to see, what it is, that flares or fans the anger within me.
This has been a release post – this had to be right brain driven, because I know my left brain would say â€œJessica, no you canâ€™t.â€
But I did.
Well it has been a while since publishing Angry Banking Snowball Poof. This is the afore quoted angry sketch drawn that fateful eve in late November 2006.
Good rid ens PEPSI!
On February 7th I secretly began drinking one can of Pepsi a day.
Today, one month later I am about
10 15 pounds lighter.
2L of Pepsi a day isn’t so PEP, si – eh?
My last weigh in at the doctor was a whopping ???lbs. Woot to me eh? So who and what can I blame my 32 year old bodies shape on? Paxil, Pepsi and a creative mind’s favorite word, procastination. At this moment in time I want to say I would still like to be a part of the diet, however I am not going to set a goal. I am just going to live and let living be my guide.
Doing things to fast causes me to backtrack into the recesses of my mind. I began this diet very fast and very furiously. I was in hyper mode. LOL. Anxiety was ruling my daily activities rather than doing I was thinking and re-thinking myself into oblivion. I took a break from posting to The Diet and would like to resume posting to it today and hopefully in the least, write bi-weekly updates.
I have been active but not as physically active as I was before. My mind has changed from that of an anxiety ridden mind to that of a I can’t keep up with my ideas now mind. The paxil has done a good job of controlling my anxiety. I miss though anxious moments of thought that would drive me to create with all those ideas I have. My brain works pretty good. Lot’s of ideas. Procastination has become a way of life over the last couple of monthes in the sense that it is very very difficult to organize my thoughts coherantly and get them out. Maybe the paxil has relaxed me to a point where nothing matters anymore physically. Without physically acting on my mentally engineered ideas, how the hell am I to lose weight, write, paint…
This conversation is between my online/offline self.
Vanesica “How is your diet going?”
Jessica “Who the hell are you?”
Vanesica “I am but one half of you”
Jessica “Can I throw you away then?”
This week has been a great one for enjoying the great outdoors in Vancouver.
Friday I spent out at Tomoko and Ian’s place. They have cows, two adult goats whom fell in love and had a baby to make three, one collie (nick named Ribs) who ridiculously herds the three goats at all times, and a brand new little kitten. So much fun! They have an adult sized wading pool where we spent much of our time swimming around in to stay cool. They also garden as Eric and I do except they plant directly in the ground where we garden in containers simply because, we are four floors up. Between eating rotisserie BBQ chicken, painting our toe-nails, laughing at the men’s fascination (addiction) to Magic The Gathering (at least they actually play the card game and don’t just buy them, open them up and then put them away as others do) and wandering around the property; it was, an awesome evening/night. Tomoko looks beautiful with her little belly. She is four monthes along now. When Eric and I arrived home I had an email in my inbox from Chester…