Category Archives: female hysteria

Eleven Days After Qutting Smoking and how I tricked my brain to stay smoke free

Artist Jessica Doyle goes crazy while quitting smoking

Somewhere in between determination, heart palpitations, lethargy and giddiness I stopped smoking cigarettes eleven days ago. Oddly enough I feel more level headed than I’ve felt in a long time, albeit a sleepy time.

I slept 16 hours per day during the first three days of the quit and sporadically puffed on a Nicorette Inhaler and on a nicotine-free electronic cigarette. I also thought about bookmarking a national directory of treatment centers on my browser in case I needed further help quitting.

The constant dizziness from quitting didn’t subside until day four and it’s still lingering today. And I can’t beleive the manufacturers of the Nicorette inhaler want you to use 12 cartridges per day! I’ve been using one per day since my quit and puffing on an electronic cigarette five to six times per day. And now, eleven days in, I’m weaning off both the Nicorette and the e-cig.

I’m not really sure what prompted me to stop smoking on November 19th, and can’t really say why I feel good or how come I haven’t gone crazy or regressed back into smoking again. I guess when the time is right you just do it and say frack off to everyone and everything else that gets in your way of completing the task at hand.

There are numerous reasons this quit is sticking…

Continue reading

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism yesterday or why I’m really not that crazy after all

And I’ve never felt more panicked in my life. All the other medical diagnoses I’ve had over the years never made me feel more vulnerable than this one and perhaps it’s because I didn’t even see it coming or suspect it or request that I be tested for it.

I went into the doctor for my regular yearly pap smear back in late October and also requested that my iron and B12 levels be checked. He suggested a full blood work up and checked about 20 things.

My brain is so full of questions as I try to discern what caused this…
Is it the soy I ate?
Is it the wine I drank?
Is it the walnuts I ate?
Do I even have ADHD and could it have been hypothyroidism all along?
Is it the constant stress?
Is it all the PCB’s in everything?
Is it age?
Is it the amalgam fillings in my teeth?
Is it the fluoride in the water?
Is it hereditary or genetic?
Is it the Pepsi?

Or is it that women are like honey bees and we are sensitive to all these things and no one cause can ever be pinpointed as it is the bio-accumulative effect of all things. Continue reading

Beyond the Allergy

… there is hope that life will return to normal in the month of September when ragweed and golden rod cease to pollute the air.

Earlier this evening while sitting outside I began sneezing then rubbing my eyes then scratching my inner thighs. Something had stung me moments earlier while I was curled up inside with a knitted afgan. Hives began to appear. I run inside grab the afgan chuck it outside and onto the deck and immediately jaunt to the bathroom douse the spot with peroxide and swallow yet another half of a sleep inducing antihistamine pill.

My mother grabs the afgan and shook. Sure enough a small winged creature flew out of it.

There exists only two forms of antihistamine; one that causes you great energy and alertness while the other drowsiness. I choose to take diphenhydramine- hydrochloride which is the eldest form of allergy meds available for public consumption. It makes me sleepy though and not able to concentrate if I take the full 25mg. I take half instead. The other contains ephedrine and caffeine which can cause you not to be able to sit still which not so good when you work on a computer or are trying to draw. Your drawings will resemble seismographic outputs and you will click needlessly and repeatedly with your mouse.

May and August are the worst two months. The rest of the year is not so bad. I was treated for severe allergies while living out West in Vancouver. The doctors treated me for cat, dog, birch and alder tree allergies. Dust and dust mite shit are the worst two offenders though. They treated me for those allergens to by injecting minute amounts of mite shit into my arm. It worked. For a whole year I had hives on my arms from the treatment and had to take anti-histamine daily but hey, I can actually clean my house now and during 10 months of the year I am relatively normal without having to ingest allergy medication.

This weekend I will be buying some local honey. Everyday for the next couple of weeks I will take a teaspoon of it and see if it works. A few folks mentioned it does as local honey would contain tiny amounts of the pollen that is making me miserable and in essence do the same thing that the injections of mite turd did.

Coping with allergies sucks… plain and simple.

Life beyond Death after Indignity and before Google

Indignity can stem from not doing the things you want to do. You begin taking on someone else’s creation when you are not whom you are. Really, don’t you think that when you are feeling out of sorts and not choosing to be who you are then don’t you think it’s rather unbecoming of your personage you portray to the world. Why lie about who you are?

From time to time we all wonder why; that is, why we are the way we are. I have. I combat this thinking by doing.

I’m battling just that by creating art digitally rather than by traditional means by way of paper, paint and ink. I’ve been delving into photoshop breaking new ground, mixing up what I was taught long long ago in college. It feels very good to do what they said not to do.

Have you ever done that? Felt giddiness overtake you when you… fuck I just added giddYness to Google dictionary while trying to spell check it. Now, every time I spell check giddiness with a Y it will be spelled correctly. For that matter I won’t even know that I spelled it wrong for the little red dotted line that shows up underneath a word that needs to be spell checked won’t exist on giddyness anymore.

The thought of writing anonymously crosses my mind more than once every day. There is a an energetic side to me that needs to purge by way of words things often left better unsaid. Although, over the last couple of years I have had people write saying thank you for being so open and saying the things I could not say.

And I think… I haven’t said everything, all those things I want to say. Time will tell when they will be said.

I picked up the book 2012 on Friday and have begun reading.

I felt a kinship immediately Daniel Pinchbeck. However, my taught feminine psyche holds back and does not release this other side of me that I had found. Perhaps when need be, we do realize our authentic selves only through death. Up to that point we practice life. Beyond that point is after life. They call it death.

When my grandmother died she had said to my mom in the hospital that she was ready to go to heaven. I don’t believe in heaven. I believe in an after life. She was also talking her long dead husband and son saying she was on her way.

Words I’ve been pondering:

sex, love, family, success, money, life, death, orgasm, paint, fabricating, production, penis, indignity, trust, relationship, single, one, two, three, ignorance, bliss and lust

There is a ……………… part of me that still questions the validity my own digital art. I don’t know why or where I picked up the notion that manipulating a drawing of one’s own on a future date by means of computer from it’s original traditional creation on paper is wrong.

I.really.need.to.let.that.go.

Poof!

Violet the Vulva

01-violet-hued-vulva

She is a petite 2.5 by 3.5 inches.
She’s a popular *ACEO and
she’ll fit right into your pocket
to to carry with you
wherever you go.
She’s discreet.
She’s pretty
and pink.
She is
Violet the Vulva.

I created her using lightfast Prismacolor Verithin Colored Pencils and one Archival Micron Pen on acid free heavyweight paper.

Yes, you can have her to.

*ACEO – Art Cards, Editions and Originals. They must measure 2.5″ by 3.5″ and can be created from any medium. They are the size of a hockey or Magic card and a beautiful way to collect affordable art.

A Short Illustrated Story featuring Little Dude

Things have become ridiculously serious around here lately. To lighten things up I’ve put together a morbid little illustrated short just for you because I love you.

And Artist’s Tips will return tomorrow!!! Muahahahahahahhaaaaa!

I am feeling much better. Thank you.

A Short Illustrated Story

Yes, the drawing of the little dude catching the big fish was drawn on pretty pink acid free cotton Canson paper using a Pilot G-tec C4 pen. :)

Female Hysteria – Aids that Every Woman Appreciates – reprint

Female Hysteria – Aids that Every Woman Appreciates was first published on June 8, 2006. Minor edits have been made in this reprint.

Hysteria - Jessica Doyle - 2006 - Ink on PaperEngrossed with hysteria I walked into my counselling session today. I travelled emotionally; climbing mountains reaching the peak only to leap off descending to the valley below. How is it possible for a person to cry, leave their body, and smile within a five minute time frame, all the while not knowing how she travelled from one emotional state to another.

I’m OK. It feels odd to actually state “I’m OK.” I neither understand nor remember the triggers of such outbursts. They come unbidden, uncontrolled and inadvertently end, leaving me to digest the days progression.

My councillor is a beautiful, wise and generous person. She knows my secrets. Are they secrets though? For her yes, I would say indeed they are secrets kept in confidence. For me, shedding secrets strengthens my being. I don’t need to hide. When I hide who I am I fill with fear which leads to anxiety which turns into the inability to make decisions leading to eventual hysteria. That word hysteria I looked up in the wiki simply because I have been feeling hysterical lately. They state:

Hysteria is a diagnostic label applied to a state of mind, one of unmanageable fear or emotional excesses. The fear is often centered on a body part, most often on an imagined problem with that body part (disease is a common complaint). People who are “hysterical” often lose self-control due to the overwhelming fear.

Damn they are good! And Damn I’m good for picking the proper word this evening to describe my consciousness. To take it a step farther I then looked up female hysteria. Having known some background on the subject through reading and discussion with others I believe that Damn, it is all too real today, for perhaps many women in some shape or form. Without release through orgasm everything just builds and builds and builds and then you essentially become an hysterical woman. During the earlier part of the 20th century Doctors were rubbing the clitoris of women sometimes for hours to bring on an orgasm, in effect relieving their Hysteria. This practice was a sanctioned medical procedure which lead to the popular invention of the electric vibrator. To my surprise the Sears, Roebuck and Company catalog from 1918 features a whole page devoted to:

femalehysteria.jpg

Aids That Every Woman Appreciates – click to see a larger copy of the ad to the left.

As the years progressed Female Hysteria vanished as a medical diagnosis.

Today different manifestations of hysteria is recognised amongst other things, schizophrenia, conversion disorder and anxiety attacks

Note the term anxiety attacks. That one really hit home with me. Today I spoke to my councillor about the lack of sex in my relationship with my boyfriend. She mentioned that sex is actually a good way to relieve anxiety and depression. I thought on this and tucked it away to the back of my mind ’til later this evening after Eric went to bed. Low and behold that theory holds true! One always hears about how men masturbate once or more times per day; women, you know… we could benefit from this stimulation to!

Today my talk with my councillor wasn’t just about sex. Sex was all but a small part of it. Sexuality, however, and the need to be able to express desire and pleasure freely has been difficult for me since I sobered up 10 months ago. Tonight, for the first time in a long time I felt secure in expressing these thoughts and ideas that I have been repressing. There is no shame in writing and/or expressing your femininity openly.