Category Archives: Humour

The Shower Scene – A Gallery Story

I want to say upfront that this is just one story from my life, and not a commentary on the gallery system as a whole. My personal experience with “traditional” galleries has ranged from lackluster to unethical (and possibly illegal, but I’ll get to that in a second.) I do not believe they’re all like that. I’m very open-minded about galleries. I’ve simply had great success and enjoyment representing myself, and doing so is not a reaction to anything negative as much as it is a belief in doing something positive.

But anyway.

When I was starting out professionally, I heard from a number of people within the local art scene that I was ready for my own show. So I went out and got one. The gallery I’d found was up and coming, an offshoot of a more successful gallery nearby. The owner (we’ll call him Shawn) was an artist himself, and sold a great deal of work, all at higher end prices, with a pretty significant and growing following in the area. He liked my work, and immediately offered me a show. After securing a date, I heard from fellow artists that although his art “was a bit formulaic,” he seemed to be a fantastic businessman. The openings I attended in the months leading up to my show were lively events.

When I arrived at the gallery the morning of my own show to set up, I could sense a weird and unexpected attitude from Shawn. He was cold and unhelpful. He abruptly announced that I couldn’t use blacklights, a fairly integral part of my art, despite seeming enthusiastic about them a few weeks prior. He further informed me that I wouldn’t have access to half the space I was promised, because another artist was using it. When I firmly explained the necessity of the blacklights, he finally told me I could use a small room through a hall and in the back for this purpose.

I was determined to keep a good attitude about things. Continue reading

What I’m looking for in a man list

Jessica Doyle artist

It’s been suggested a few times that I sit down and write out what I’m looking for in a man. I’ve done this with jobs, dreams and other life altering events and thus far the track record of the results has been very good. But I’ve never taken this approach to finding a partner. Perhaps you are the man I’m looking for?

  1. You are intelligent.
  2. You prefer Mac to PC.
  3. You are a geek.
  4. You are not a nerd, but a geek. And you are passionate about it.
  5. You believe in the future, live in the present and learn from your past.
  6. You are grounded with no current severe addictions, afflictions of the heart or mental instabilities that need prompt medical attention.
  7. You have no children but are open to the idea of having a child or maybe two.
  8. You love your job, career or calling and thrive on it.
  9. You are not in debt (save for your rent, mortgage and/or car payments) and pay your current bills on time.
  10. You love family and close friends.
  11. You are not a social butterfly that needs to be entertained hourly by other people.
  12. You can spell and love the intricacies of language.
  13. You enjoy silence and it doesn’t freak you out.
  14. You are good with your hands.
  15. You don’t mind getting them dirty.
  16. You listen well.
  17. You enjoy cooking.
  18. You are clean.
  19. You are not overweight.
  20. You are at or above 5’10″.
  21. You know what a blog is and perhaps have one yourself.
  22. You prefer slow cooking to fast food.
  23. You actually loathe fast food.
  24. You are a non smoker.
  25. You can read between the lines.
  26. You are a sexual creature and are well endowed.
  27. You are perhaps a Pisces, Cancer or Capricorn.
  28. You believe in Magic.
  29. You are creative and can think outside of the box while jumping up and down on it to smush those outdated beliefs.
  30. You like gardening.
  31. You believe your home is your sanctuary.
  32. Your home can be anywhere.
  33. You do not need to own the latest fashions or gadgets to feel good about yourself.
  34. You are honest with your emotions but don’t wear them on your sleeve.
  35. You believe in talking it out rather than walking away.
  36. You own up to your mistakes.
  37. You believe in mother earth.
  38. You treat people with kindness.
  39. You prefer ambient beats, house music or even the odd techno blip or live band to country, rap or top 40.
  40. You are between the age of 37 and 42.
  41. You know what HTML is.
  42. You know how to use a hammer.
  43. You look at the person you are talking to.
  44. You are more anxious than depressed.
  45. You can laugh.
  46. You can make me laugh.
  47. You know the difference between hugging and getting it on.
  48. You like pens that click and have awesome ink flow.
  49. You don’t snore.
  50. You flirt.
  51. You have faith in humanity.
  52. You have beautiful eyes and decent teeth.
  53. You believe there is a solution to any problem and work to resolve differences or in the least agree to disagree.
  54. You like walking outside.
  55. You aren’t ashamed of your past.
  56. You have been in love maybe more than once.
  57. You have had your heart broken.
  58. You understand math.
  59. You have healthy habits and even some quirky one’s that you are working on.
  60. You stand up for yourself.
  61. You encourage but do not enable.
  62. You are not afraid of colour.
  63. You love anomalies.
  64. You’ve consumed drugs in the past to enlighten yourself.
  65. You prefer wine or cider to beer and cooler.
  66. You believe in quantum physics and have jumped into the rabbit hole on occasion.
  67. You believe we will live on another planet within a 100 years.
  68. You eat your vegetables and love them.
  69. You know what you like and what you don’t like and don’t lie about it.
  70. You like Fringe.
  71. You dislike Glee.
  72. You dislike hockey.
  73. You have a hairy chest and can grow a full beard.
  74. You do not wear cologne, perfume or use scented products.
  75. You have larger hands than me.
  76. You don’t dart your tongue like a jackhammer while kissing or hold it there and do nothing.
  77. You have full lips.
  78. You talk about things that interest you.
  79. You share your life experience openly.
  80. You don’t hide when things get tuff.
  81. You know when to call it quits.
  82. You aren’t that fond of wearing stripes.
  83. You hate malls.
  84. You can keep up with me and perhaps slow me down when needed.
  85. You like to be followed.
  86. You like taking the lead and put your hand out to do so without even asking if it’s OK.
  87. You talk with your actions.
  88. You are a man!
  89. You like fruit.
  90. You like fish, chicken and other meats but do believe in vegetarianism to.
  91. You buy second hand.
  92. You buy new when needed.
  93. You believe in handmade.
  94. You understand the law.
  95. You understand politics.
  96. You are gentle but strong.
  97. You like your nipples touched.
  98. You like to touch nipples.
  99. You can take or leave floor play.
  100. You can keep it up.
  101. You are not married.
  102. You are not recently separated.
  103. You like gallery openings.
  104. You like dancing.
  105. You like trees.
  106. You like architecture.
  107. You love the ocean and swimming it.
  108. You like sand.
  109. You have a hobby.
  110. You can build things in real life.
  111. You can build things online too.
  112. You inspire me.
  113. You like Tetris.
  114. You aren’t so much into violence unless you’re being attacked by a bear.
  115. You like lady bugs.
  116. You dislike hornets.
  117. You are not afraid of spiders.
  118. You are not afraid of the dark.
  119. You are not afraid of rain or fog.
  120. You might have allergies.
  121. You might have minor current health issues.
  122. You know that Facebook is not the internet.
  123. You earn enough money to support a family.
  124. You are creative and can solve problems.
  125. You are wordly.
  126. You have traveled.
  127. You can tell wonderful stories.
  128. You don’t mind repeating yourself.
  129. You aren’t scared to make the first move.
  130. You are…

That about sums it up folks. I pulled both the good and the bad from all my relationships and the above list is what I came up with for what I’m looking for in a man. If this is you, you can get in touch with me by emailing eastvanesica (AT) gmail DOT com.

Update – Many of the comments below are being imported from my Google Buzz feed. If you want to respond them go to Google Buzz.

Couch Potatoes – 10×10 inch ink drawing

ink drawing, pen, paper, wall decor, humor, jessica doyle, fine art

This is an older ink drawing from 2004 but this is exactly what I’ll be doing tonight, except I’ll be all alone and watching Fringe and have my sketchbook in hand to put pen to paper or perhaps I’ll put coloured pencil to masked paper and finish up Chasing the Dragon. Continue reading

The Break Up… a Trilogy

  1. He said he loved me
  2. He said that he cared
  3. I trusted you

This series of wonderful little wine bottle illustrations were created with Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Windsor & Newton watercolour and Prismacolor coloured pencils on extra thick archival board.

Each measures 2.5 by 3.5 inches (6,4cm by 8,9cm). Don’t let the small size fool you… An ACEO looks wonderful matted into an 8×10 inch standard sized frame. An ACEO stands for Art Cards, Editions and Originals. They are collected worldwide and are the exact same size as a Magic or Hockey trading card.

The original ACEO illustrations and a larger set of 5×7 inch prints are available on HandmadeCloud while only the 5×7 inch print set is available in my Etsy shop.

From today forward all original artworks that I create will, more than likely, only be listed on HandmadeCloud for sale with prints being listed on both sites.

Last night I went out and used copious amounts of illegal drugs

And today I am paying for it, needing to dose every half hour or so, so as to not go into remission and suffer through withdrawal.

It’s awful. I thought I’d be OK going to that party last night where I knew there would be GHB. Someone asked me if I wanted a shot and I said no then another person asked me again and I said no again. I should have just left that party. I should have just walked home. Then another person asked saying “Oh, Jessica, it’ll be OK” proceeding to explain that he was addicted to and now only takes it when he’s around other people. I caved, and said yes thinking it would be OK just this once.

And just like that…

…I’m completely addicted to GHB again.

I’d be a FOOL to even try that drug again with 1679 days sober off that stinking drug.

The intelligence of machines during a recession

On Boxing Day evening I headed uptown with Karen to share a drink at Happinez before going dancing at one of the local clubs where we were to meet up with Lisa and Jilian.

We began walking down King Street so that I could stop at my branch’s bank machine to avoid banking fees to withdraw cash for the evening’s festivities. I placed my bank card in the ATM like I’ve done thousands of times, punched in that I wanted $80 and promptly took my card and left the bank lobby closing the door behind me.

Standing outside the bank’s doors I realized I was only putting into my wallet a bank card and no cash or receipt. I stared in through the door’s windows and saw my $80 still sitting in the dispensing slot! I again dug out my bank card to swipe to get back into blasted banking machine lobby and ran to grab my money. My hands were but inches from that money and the machine sucked it back in! Karen laughed. I did not laugh.

I still do not have that $80 and the bank is closed today.

I’ve got the receipt and I’m sure the security camera caught the stupidity on tape!

The photo is of the Christmas lights I hung in the sun room with a reflection of living room in the door.

Hand painting Christmas balls or is it really about sex?

Each year, well almost every year I sit down and paint Christmas balls for gift giving as I finally did finish setting up that area in the living room to paint at earlier this week. I needed an area that could remain creatively messy. Thus far I’ve painted four Christmas balls and sadly have run out of Varathane to top coat them with. I’ll need to make a run to the hardware store this weekend. Yes, I use hardwood floor varnish on any piece that I paint with acrylic.

I think painting is like riding a bike. You really don’t forget how to do it but it does take about four balls to get back into the groove of making those itsy bitsy paint strokes. I use Kroma Artist Quality Acrylic made on Granville Island in Vancouver and you can only buy it there to. It’s a wonderful milky acrylic and heavily pigmented for a brilliant colour and a smooth finish.

These are some finished balls I’ve painted from years gone by that I’ve kept for myself. I think I’ve painted close to 150 different balls that family and friends now have and decorate their trees with.

And this just made me laugh to much not to post this here on the blog!

If you’d like to add me as a friend on facebook. Feel free to do so! It gets quite lively over there at times! Haha!