Happy Hallowe’en friends!
PS – no cat’s were harmed in the writing of this blog post
In 2004 during an intensive year of college in British Columbia we were asked to illustrate a poster in an older illustrative style with hand drawn letters. Absinthe 99 is the result of that assignment.
That year of college was one of the most brutal and rewarding times of my life. I had applied and was later accepted into an advanced multi media program at Langara College. I took 21 courses in one 12 month period including advanced typography, history of design and colour theory. By the end of that year I was addicted to GHB (sedatives). Add to that, my boyfriend was manic, and suffering through immense panic attacks and depressive episodes and unable to work, let alone feed himself until later that same year… it was all I could do to cope with the situation I found myself in. If anything, the strict regimen of college that year heightened and brought to the surface my inward disorder with the world around me. In 2007 I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and a few underlying learning disabilities.
I believe all those people who succumb to addiction have their reasons and people it really does not happen overnight. It begins innocently enough when one can’t get out of a predicament and that predicament then folds in on itself evolving into a monster! And truth be told I’ve never drank absinthe… someday maybe… I also hold the belief that once an addict you are not always going to be an addict. I do believe to get better you must live a more holistic lifestyle. And for some, that does mean remaining sober indefinitely. Addiction is simply a way of showing us there is a problem that needs to be dealt with or you will die.
Maybe, it’s the reading of 2012 by Daniel Pinchbeck that is reawakening those memories and you know what? I’m glad because now they seem fresh and perhaps today I can make sense of them as my mind is clear, and life is good. For too long I discounted those experiences as trivial and felt bad that I had traveled into the depths of my soul using substances (other than sedatives) to enlighten and open up channels that did exist in reality when I was a child. And I sometimes think, that Attention Deficit Disorder is a result of those perceptions being systematically taught out of us by society.
This year, as I settle into my home I’m finding memories are surfacing of those years; many good and some pretty awful ones to. I’m simply accepting them for what they are and digging out the artwork that was created during that time, for in it holds the key to moving on, letting go and growing once more.
I created 11 by 14 inch prints of this illustration and they are available on HangsaLittleLeft… my darker art shop… muahahahahaha!
I think I miss the point completely on occasion and float away into my own little world forgetting that which exists and already surrounds me. Then I get to thinking about that point and why it has to be tipped and pointy and why is can’t be round, soft and interchangeable with beams of light infused with grape juice.
And then again if beams of light were infused with grape juice they would ferment as they travelled to earth at the speed of light and once here we’d all be drunk on clear burgundy sun drops.
Except here in Canada those infused beams of light would freeze and ice wine would fall from the air.
It’s -28ºC / -18ºF here in Saint John, New Brunswick!
Wooden, 8×8 inch /20,3cm by20,3cm plate distressed and painted by me
He bought Do You Love Me from the shop yesterday. I emailed him saying thank you and that his order would be packaged today and mailed out to him on Wednesday.
Oh, hi! For some reason, I guess I didn’t expect that order would go straight to you. I guess I figured, I don’t know, you had “people” for that — a great big art warehouse in Indonesia, or Etsy elves; and then you’d just get a big fat monthly check in the mail from them. Or something. I guess I’m naive…
I print, cut, assemble, create and package everything for sale in my shop while the cats meow Silent Night and frollick to Jingle Bell Rock.
Thanks Christopher for making me laugh!
Christopher’s email made me think of Knife Gun Pen’s poem, The Four Hundred Hour Workweek and then of Chartreuse’s blog post, The Laymans guide to the End of the World Part One.
I like being small.
Upon waking my nose ran away and my eyes cried as I climbed out of bed at 8:30AM and trotted for the bathroom. I grabbed a tissue and began blowing blood. My poor sinuses went through hell yesterday while I was at Value Village; a local second hand chain perusing then trying on clothing.
In the midst of pulling a grey cardigan over my head my eyes swelled, nose began leaking water and my throat began to close. I began sneezing uncontrollably, unable to catch my breath. It was the worst allergy attack I suffered through in a long time. I climbed out of the sweater put my own clothing back on, left the fitting room and handed the culprit to Lisa. We walked to check-out and I paid for that damn sweater because it was the only that fit out of the 20 I tried on. The woman ringing me through told me they allow patrons to bring their pets in! Geebus! It’s not so much dogs and cats that freak me out but dust, chemical detergents, pollens and scents.
Add to that I started my period and was already cramping more than normal. I told Lisa I’ll see you outside as her and Gillian were still shopping and pushed the doors open and prayed I had more kleenex in my purse. The sneezing dissipated as did the whole body shaking while I breathed in fresh air. I knew a simple laundering of that grey sweater would clear up any allergen in it.
They dropped me off at home and I ingested a half of a pink tablet of diphenhydramine-hydrochloride. I felt a bit better but could not breath through my nose and my stomach was bloating something awful.
Over the last 6 weeks I have ingested more allergy meds than I care to count and they are simply not working.
I cooked supper for Lisa and Gillian who were making their way back into town for a birthday party we were attending. We ate, shared a coupe of glasses of wine and I stayed home and went to bed with a hot pack on my belly.
The three of us went for breakfast today then out to their place. They have four dogs. I went absolutely berzerk. I love animals. BUT after a reaction like I had yesterday have to be careful and didn’t have antihistamine with me. They had some and offered me one. A Reactine. I was always leary of taking non-drowsy allergy meds due to the fact that they make me bounce.
I took it on the way out the door when they were driving me home and I CAN BREATH through my nose for the first time in 6 weeks!
I feel like a human being right now. I took it at 2:00PM and it’s going on 9:00PM and I CAN BREATH. My sinuses are open and I almost cried hallelujah an hour ago because I have been feeling shitty for weeks.
Allergies make you feel anxious and scared to do things you would normally do. I think my gut, period, intestines etc have been feeling crappy due to the fact that I was a walking ticking time bomb waiting to explode and boy did it happen at Value Village yesterday.
My new best friend is Reactine.
Photo credit – my new grey sweater on my light grey duvet cover
Earlier this evening while sitting outside I began sneezing then rubbing my eyes then scratching my inner thighs. Something had stung me moments earlier while I was curled up inside with a knitted afgan. Hives began to appear. I run inside grab the afgan chuck it outside and onto the deck and immediately jaunt to the bathroom douse the spot with peroxide and swallow yet another half of a sleep inducing antihistamine pill.
My mother grabs the afgan and shook. Sure enough a small winged creature flew out of it.
There exists only two forms of antihistamine; one that causes you great energy and alertness while the other drowsiness. I choose to take diphenhydramine- hydrochloride which is the eldest form of allergy meds available for public consumption. It makes me sleepy though and not able to concentrate if I take the full 25mg. I take half instead. The other contains ephedrine and caffeine which can cause you not to be able to sit still which not so good when you work on a computer or are trying to draw. Your drawings will resemble seismographic outputs and you will click needlessly and repeatedly with your mouse.
May and August are the worst two months. The rest of the year is not so bad. I was treated for severe allergies while living out West in Vancouver. The doctors treated me for cat, dog, birch and alder tree allergies. Dust and dust mite shit are the worst two offenders though. They treated me for those allergens to by injecting minute amounts of mite shit into my arm. It worked. For a whole year I had hives on my arms from the treatment and had to take anti-histamine daily but hey, I can actually clean my house now and during 10 months of the year I am relatively normal without having to ingest allergy medication.
This weekend I will be buying some local honey. Everyday for the next couple of weeks I will take a teaspoon of it and see if it works. A few folks mentioned it does as local honey would contain tiny amounts of the pollen that is making me miserable and in essence do the same thing that the injections of mite turd did.
Coping with allergies sucks… plain and simple.