Category Archives: line

The good in becoming vulnerable

How do you deal with unwanted attention or attention that perhaps you didn’t expect to get from something you wrote, said, posted, tweeted, shared or facebooked for the sheer fun of it; basically because you could, because it’s your personal space to share and create on.

Getting sick and feeling awful certainly puts one’s life into perspective. It has a way of making you take stock of where you are, where you were and most importantly where you want to be once you do begin to feel better.

Do you count your blessings? Do you make yourself vulnerable to new friendships, new business initiatives or even romantic relationships or do you avoid them out of fear? Do you take risks or do you always walk on the damn line like everyone else and fit into the mold that society markets to you?

Something snapped inside in March after travelling to Fredericton. I haven’t been quite the same since. And that could be due to the Synthroid beginning to work and stabilize the hypothyroidism. Or, it could be that in being honest with and surrounding myself with people who inspire, share, challenge and grow with me rather than work against or hold me back, I’m growing as a person again. And this doesn’t mean that we agree all of the time… in fact it’s quite the opposite… it just means that we like each other and like the dreams we talk of. That Waitress Story is more important than ever.

I applied for a creation grant in early April. It was rejected three weeks ago.

I signed with an artist representative a few months back. I ended that relationship quite abruptly a few weeks ago after learning that all was not what it seemed to be.

I also turned down a part-time College level teaching job earlier this year after realizing during the uber-complicated negotiation process that we were not a good fit after all.

I am dating and realizing more and more what it is that I’m looking for and it’s not so simple or black and white as what is written on this list as many men seem to think from the sheer amount of emails I’ve received from them about it. Look, I don’t date men that I meet online anymore, well maybe…

All it really takes in life is a genuine smile and an outreached arm to dance. Actions speak much louder than words and it’s those actions that make a person back away or grab on and enjoy the ride.

Really, life is that simple and if you are not experiencing that then you must do everything you can and get off of that straight line and enjoy the bumps along the way.

Today I’m grateful for family and friends who while being kind and gentle are challenging me to break out of the shell that I slid into sometime last year.

Photo Credits: Andrew of Park Imagery

  1. Me and my beautiful friend of 20 years, Vikki (Fredericton, NB, Canada)
  2. Me and Vikki again (Fredericton, NB, Canada)
  3. Me hoola hopping with 50lbs of homemade hoops (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  4. Doing my best to keep those hoops spinning (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  5. My good friend Anne hooping (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  6. My good friend and roommate Andrew, hooping! (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  7. Harrison’s Dad, me and Harrison (Cambridge Narrows, NB, Canada)

Maybe keeping it straight isn’t how it is to be?

Mispec beach is located moments outside the city line on the Bay of Fundy. It is a frightfully cold salt water haven where pale ghostly Saint Johner’s go to swim, lay on the sand and sweat. As the end of summer approaches I thought I’d never make it to the beach as the fog and rain were heavy here most days. Saturday, I was there with a man named Andrew and his two boys.

It’s funny how children enter your life unexpectedly. First, my brother who is dating a woman (they are practically married now) who has three little girls aged three, six and nine; all blond and all very cute and intelligent. They were here this evening bringing my mom her 59th birthday gifts. I took them out in the backyard and we began picking carrots, wax beans and potatoes. Then we moved on to flower petals and fresh lavender while I explained to them how to make pot purri with it when they arrived back home. A few of my friends have children to, with whom I’ve been seeing more of lately and it’s not so bad. What the heck what I so scared of!

I was on a date that day at the beach with the man with two kids. I had panicked a few days earlier calling my brother “What do I do?!!!”, “His kids… Ahhhhhh”. My brother laughed and being the calm man that he is, says “Jessica, they are a package deal. Meet them sooner than later and decide from there.”

Andrew picked me up… two boys in the back seat aged six and eight. I sat in the car, buckled up and we were on our way.

And it comes down to this… I don’t have children of my own. After two long-term relationships ending and no children as a result I think I had begun to wonder whether it was possible to meet a man who wants children that I was attracted to. I don’t know where I’m going with this and maybe he is even reading this but this is my blog and my creative outlet for thought, idea and experimentation and he will understand because I write or I will go madly insane! I’m not saying Andrew is the one but he certainly is nice and sexy and stuff…hmmm and one never knows 😉

This last month I’ve been around more kids than I have in the last five years. Really! And they are all under the age of ten who are bursting bubbles of energy and new inspiration.

Life can get bland pretty quick when all you do is repetitive mundane tasks while walking a straight line without veering off that path. I went on two dates last week with two different men. It happens all at once when you least expect it to. One man I will not see again as it brought me straight back to feeling empty, uncomfortable and wanting to use drugs to cope.

Andrew on the other hand, I hope to see again real soon…

The Hopper Eleven Swinging its Tail

A one legged creature with one foot and three toes swinging it’s tail circling into oblivion.

The Hopper Eleven Specimen Swinging its Tail - 10" by 10"

These one legged creatures with three toes are common amongst my art. Found on flowers, on eyes and hoppers, a creature of my own creation they tie “it” together for me as an artist. A signature style of sorts.

I began *drawing Hoppers in Early 2004. Their upper body is always round, full of spirals encircling to the core of their being. Each circle represents an idea, a thought that we as individuals each experience every day we are alive on earth. A Hopper is memory. A Hopper is life.

A Hopper is usually happy. Eleven is ecstatic as he is full of many many dreams.

Happy Hopping!


Size – 10 by 10 inches or 25.4cm by 25.4cm
Mediums used – Pilot G-tec C4 pen on acid free Fabriano Sketchbook paper.

*I am still recovering from my move to WordPress.com. Much, let’s say 90% of my images are still missing from my blog. It’s going to take time to put it all back together again. You’ll notice past hoppers not even there… only the trail of words written.

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Grey Walking

I have wirtten about walking the line and not being able to choose what side to get off on. Today though I’m walking the line, and walking and walking because the choices just seem not to be there to step off the line. I’m going to call this Grey Walking. The weather is grey. My cat is grey. I wonder if my cat was orange if the sun would come out?

Someone emailed me about my last post being gross and disgusting. It was meant to be funny!

Line Walking

Ever feel like you are walking on a line, similar to a path, but it’s a line, unending in time. On either side there lies choices; each opposite of the other; to be or not to be. To get off this damn line one has to make a choice. What if the ability to choose paralizes you emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. All it takes is a single hesitation for the onset of paralyses. To hesitate causes fear.

Continuing along the line stumbling here and there small choices get made and some larger ones. As you walk you see the past and future as memories and ideas respectively. Where is the present you ask yourself? The present is when a choice is made and you step off the line. Sometimes you will fall. Sometimes you will jump. Many times you will step back on the line because the line is safe.

In the brain, time does not exist. Time is only numbers, a way to record what happened and what will be. The present is reality and your reality is, whatever you choose it to be.

A week into being sober my boyfriend says to me singing “Break on through to the other side”. I was furious and grumpy already. However, his wit struck a chord; I knew the song but not what it meant, nor did I know all the lyrics so I looked them up. I also looked up what they could possibly mean. Here is a great explanation written by Andrew Johnson. Tonight, I walk the line.

You know the day destroys the night
Night divides the day
Tried to run
Tried to hide
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side, yeah

We chased our pleasures here
Dug our treasures there
But can you still recall
The time we cried
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side

Yeah!
C’mon, yeah

Everybody loves my baby
Everybody loves my baby
She get
She get
She get
She get high

I found an island in your arms
Country in your eyes
Arms that chain us
Eyes that lie
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
Break on through, oww!
Oh, yeah!

Made the scene
Week to week
Day to day
Hour to hour
The gate is straight
Deep and wide
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
Break on through
Break on through
Break on through
Break on through
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

—Jim Morrison, The Doors, 1968

Reality is different now without drugs. Nothing is constant.