Category Archives: lust

Taken by surprise or how it ended

something and nothing - relationship breakup- sadness - illustration by jessica doyle

When you make assumptions about something, especially someone, it can become hyperbolic to an enth degree that perhaps you don’t realize until well after the climax. It’s so easy to generalize and compartmentalize people’s actions and words into man-made stereotypes that we forget that none of us fit into them, nor should we fit into them. We may carry or display a few of the stereotypical characteristics but ultimately we are all at least a little bit unique in how we adapt to situations that arise that took us by surprise.

You kind of get to a point where you know you have to snap out of it and move forward and stop sobbing, pacing and begin eating properly again and get back into the game even with the broken heart. I didn’t realize it was a broken heart until this morning when I woke again with that familiar pang in my central chest that I haven’t felt in a very long time… years maybe?

And I feel so foolish and just don’t understand even what happened over the last few weeks… a complete 360º spun wildly for sure.

I’m well aware that some of you who are reading this know both myself and the man involved but here’s the thing I don’t have anything bad to say and that is why this hurts so much. It really shouldn’t hurt this much right? It’s just the timing is off right? We were not meant for each other right? The stars were not aligned right, right? The age gap was too big? He’s just not that into me right?

And here I’m thinking and asking myself why I keep attracting the same man over and over again and expecting a different result when in actual fact this person is not the same as my two long-term ex’s at all. While there are similarities it was the emotions I was experiencing while spending time with him that made me think he was similar to my ex’s when in actual fact this man was quite different.

It was exhilarating to spend the holidays with him at each of our respective households. We both were not working (on holiday) and kind of jumped head long into a whirlwind romance. Maybe it was just what we both needed? We could talk about anything, cook and eat food together and both enjoyed walking immensely. We had things in common but really we had much that wasn’t in common and that is what I enjoyed so much. He told me stories and sang to me while playing guitar while I drew in my sketchbook. He introduced me to his family and friends and he likewise met some of my people too.

And while I can pin point a few things that made our relationship end I really don’t understand why it ended but have resolved that it has indeed ended.

I’ve dated some men over the last few years in search of a long-term relationship and have experienced break-ups either of my own doing or of the man’s doing and I was always able to pick myself right back up and move on with no regrets. For God sakes… I’ve been eating chocolate for the last three days. I DO NOT eat chocolate ever. Chocolate bars have been known to go stale in my fridge.

This time… it’s not so easy to go back to online dating.

So how can one learn from this experience?

Throw everything you know out the window and just let yourself feel and be vulnerable to whatever is happening.

When we base attraction only on physical it can lead to being attracted to the same people over and over again and expecting different results. I think this is where people’s “types” come into play. Like always buying apples and hoping one apple will become an orange. Well, I met Mr. Clementine in mid-December and he was tasty. And then, my dating patterns and beliefs were smashed to smithereens which is a very good thing.

Yet, this whole experience is beyond bittersweet.

I miss him.

The illustration above is from the children’s book Every Someday that I illustrated a couple of years back. I have a few soft cover copies here in the studio. If you are interested in purchasing a signed edition get in touch and let me know.

Hope – Peace Edition with a touch of love or… lust

Hope - peace limited edition artwork by artist jessica doyle

More than ever we as human beings need more peace and tranquility in our lives. This isn’t to say that excitement and even struggle are not a part of it, yet there comes a time when we must move on and change our lives for the better, even when it hurts.

I feel optimistic that the hard work I’m doing will create a more fulfilling life both spiritually and financially. For too long I relied on a second income and help from a spouse only to leave one and be left by the other. I guess that evens me out. And I do hope to meet the right person someday as it does get lonely.

Very recently, I broke up with man whom I’d been dating on and off for close to eight years when we were both single. I fell in love with him. And after talking with a close friend the other night who suggested that maybe I was lusting after and not loving this man; did I realize the first to be true. She to, in turn is going through an extended break-up and I’m so grateful to have her to talk to for where I live there isn’t many single women in their 30’s who don’t have kids, to talk to or single men that I click with for that matter.

So, I’m releasing hope into the world today.

And you may remember the original drawing of Hope in pastel hues of pink, blue and green…

I played with this drawing quite a bit in Adobe Photoshop to get her to a beautiful yellow ocher colour. I’m pleased with how she turned out. Hope is a limited Edition. There will ONLY be 40 printed. You can get her in the shop.

Sexy Red Toes or Wiggle Those Toes!

Original ink drawing painted with watercolor. I added the beige sand colored background digitally using photoshop.

The weather is warming although the evenings are still dipping down into the single digits. Last night it went down to 4˚C. Not to Spring like at all.

This image is available as an archival print in my shop.

xoxo

This Flamboyant Heart SAYS Happy Valentine’s Day

Left – Tickled Pink Hearts
Right – The Flamboyant Heart

Each *ACEO measures the standard 2.5″ by 3.5″ and was drawn using Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens with La Plume Artist Markers on 80lb card stock. Each has rounded corners and fit perfectly into Hockey or Magic Card sleeves.

*ACEO – Art Cards, Editions and Originals

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In the midst of the cacophony ghosts danced

I awoke this morning horny. I had been dreaming of ghosts. A large party that covered whole city blocks. It resembled the downtown Eastside of Vancouver. All the buildings appeared as they do today except the streets, the windows, sidewalks and air were filled with cars, horses, wagons and people of yesteryear, some centuries old. I was four or five floors up in a hotel. It happened to be clean and comfortable decorated with furniture from the turn of the century. I questioned the dark haired female ghost next to me

“How old are you?”
“292 years. I’m old” She smiled appearing no older than 29, “You?”

I couldn’t remember how old I was. My early thirties I suppose then I thought I was 32 and began wondering why 32 just didn’t seem to be the right age. She had read my thoughts and said out loud,

“You are young and still alive.”

I felt fear nagging behind meas being alive around these ghosts although jovial could mean trouble. I moved on through the room content to let fear follow. An orgy was in progress. This orgy was not just sex. It encompassed everything and anything that could make people (ghosts) laugh and feel pleasure. There were ghosts eating. There were ghosts tickling one and other. There were ghosts painting and taking their clothes off comparing their wounds to that which they were painting.

I remembered being alive. I knew I was not dead and peaked my head out the curtainless window down the length of the street below, witnessing the final cacophony of ghostial bestiality… then all was calm.

My surroundings morphed into a dank apartment. This was real. My surroundings didn’t smell. It was dirty, unkempt and all shades of brown in color. I felt happy. It felt familiar. I heard voices in the distance and recognized them. Andrea’s voice sung out. She had climaxed. She giggled. I set about doing the dishes but they had all been cleaned beforehand. I set about putting them all away. There were mountains of them and drying racks everywhere. The dish towels were gross. I tossed them *dans la poubelle quickly. There were five drawers in the kitchen. Four of the five contained one kind of cutlery, forks, spoons, small spoons and knives. The fifth contained a cutlery organizer. I got confused. I began laughing.

The sound of a man came into existence. Jean Paul Tremblay walked into the kitchen. A bed appeared in the corner. We sat and I began studying his penis for drawing purposes.

Curley…

I certainly woke **happy today.

This is the first dream I remember upon waking in which I was not using drugs, I was not running or trying to escape something or someone and not fearing for my life, nor was I screaming upon waking up.

I awoke having an orgasm. This is the first time that that has happened in years.

*in the garbage
**…and it all began from an eargasm. Go figure?

Abstracted sex is for sale now

hand_lowerleftSM.jpgWhy are you doing this? Being an artist is not unlike any other job or carreer path one chooses or is drawn to . Being financially secure and able to pay your rent or student loan debt is what many of us are faced with regardless of your trade or background. To be able to purchase necessities such as food, shelter, supplies for your trade and formost continue to create; utilizing your skills, talent and education to further understand human nature, technology, compassion and emotion culminates into what could be something that others find useful or needed or simply put, can add to and learn from also.

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