Category Archives: rant

The Shower Scene – A Gallery Story

I want to say upfront that this is just one story from my life, and not a commentary on the gallery system as a whole. My personal experience with “traditional” galleries has ranged from lackluster to unethical (and possibly illegal, but I’ll get to that in a second.) I do not believe they’re all like that. I’m very open-minded about galleries. I’ve simply had great success and enjoyment representing myself, and doing so is not a reaction to anything negative as much as it is a belief in doing something positive.

But anyway.

When I was starting out professionally, I heard from a number of people within the local art scene that I was ready for my own show. So I went out and got one. The gallery I’d found was up and coming, an offshoot of a more successful gallery nearby. The owner (we’ll call him Shawn) was an artist himself, and sold a great deal of work, all at higher end prices, with a pretty significant and growing following in the area. He liked my work, and immediately offered me a show. After securing a date, I heard from fellow artists that although his art “was a bit formulaic,” he seemed to be a fantastic businessman. The openings I attended in the months leading up to my show were lively events.

When I arrived at the gallery the morning of my own show to set up, I could sense a weird and unexpected attitude from Shawn. He was cold and unhelpful. He abruptly announced that I couldn’t use blacklights, a fairly integral part of my art, despite seeming enthusiastic about them a few weeks prior. He further informed me that I wouldn’t have access to half the space I was promised, because another artist was using it. When I firmly explained the necessity of the blacklights, he finally told me I could use a small room through a hall and in the back for this purpose.

I was determined to keep a good attitude about things. Continue reading

Fish illustration and some thoughts in no particular order and why I give up…

chart, fish, drawing, illustration, jessica doyle, whismical, skatchebook, fabriano quadrato journal, pilot Gtec C4 pen, watercolour

Why is it that when you really like someone you get all crazy and can’t contain yourself and blurt out the wrong things and repeat yourself, asking the same questions over and over from sheer excitement because you do indeed like the man. These last few months have been nothing but extraordinary for me and I’m desperately trying to plant my feet on the ground again which over the last week has happened in a most intense and disastrous way.

I need downtime and traditionally January through to April have been the months when I steel the time to be alone or in one on one calm atmospheres to create, paint, write and choose to be home more often than not.

I’ve lost the ability to write openly and freely here on my blog because everyone knows about it now, especially here in my hometown, and I’m doing my best to come to terms with this and kicking myself for allowing said outside sources to dictate what I could and could not legitimately write about last year.

chart, fish, drawing, illustration, jessica doyle, whismical, skatchebook, fabriano quadrato journal, pilot Gtec C4 pen, watercolour

Have you ever found the honesty, respect, integrity and intimacy you’ve been searching for in a man only to have it hit you in the soul so blatantly hard that it makes you step back and go is this f#$%ing real? Then your wall falls down and you are so vulnerable and cold and shaking and needing warmth yet terrified to let someone else take control. And then they take control and you hurt and shake like nothing you have ever felt before because they choose to leave and do the opposite of what you hoped for?

I’m just over seven weeks smoke free #Quitsmoking um… yeah and ohhhhhhhhh so grateful that I stopped smoking for myself and for no one else or I’d likely be smoking again given the life circumstances that have arisen and that I seem to have found myself in and facing over the last seven weeks.

I haven’t been a man’s girlfriend in a very long time and I’d like to know what that feels like again for real. This isn’t really a finished blog post or even one that makes complete sense… but…

You should never trust so blindly or simply give up. Plain and simple… really?

Jessica Doyle sexy artist

I give up. And yes, giving up is a choice and this doesn’t mean that it’s a negative choice. It’s just a choice to change direction and reevaluate why doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results is an exercise in futility.

Art Frenemies

Perspective is everything.

Lately I’ve been pondering the relationships artists have with other artists.

I think in some ways, there’s this mistaken dream that artists all gather collectively the way we imagine it was done in 1920′s Paris; a utopia of sorts for artists to mingle, support, and commiserate with each other.

A scene from the movie Midnight in Paris:

Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion.
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it.
Gil: You haven’t even read it yet.
Ernest Hemingway: If it’s bad, I’ll hate it. If it’s good, then I’ll be envious and hate it even more. You don’t want the opinion of another writer.

Well put.

Online, I’ve been fortunate to connect with many artists, mostly visual artists, but artists of other genres as well. Perhaps it’s the distance between us, the safe barrier of computer screens shielding us from the snickering, eye-rolling, and snide comments we’ve experienced in real life. Maybe it’s the sense that we share a common bond, not only of marketing ourselves as a business online, but also a common lack of artist-to-artist relationships in the real world.

Or, maybe we just have a wider audience in which to find people we truly click with.

In real life, at least for me personally, I find an odd, awkward distance in communication between myself and other artists. For whatever reason, conveniently, my real-life artist friends are the least likely to comment on my Facebook updates, acknowledge anything about my life, or ask how I’m doing when they see me. Continue reading

The lure of online dating…

Artist Jessica Doyle

People seem to forget that on the other end of the email, convo, comment, message or blog, that there is a REAL human being with feelings. I’ve never encountered more asshattery since opening an account on a dating site in search of that special man.

I’ve been harassed, threatened and chased by men who don’t know their a$$ from their mouth. At one point one man had sent 40 emails in two days demanding to know my real name and where I live all the while professing his love for me stating that we are meant to be together and are soul mates. After a week of this from numerous men I finally located and learned to use the block button.

While, I have met a few nice men on the site who seem to be genuinely looking for a long term relationship I have yet to meet up with one of them in real life and I’m beginning to ask myself why? Continue reading

Wild ride and come down

Everyone gets days and sometimes weeks where everything is thrown around and life literally becomes a never ending roller coaster ride… This is one of those times unedited and without links…

The roller-coaster began last week with an Etsy convo that I sent to MaryMary about a video and then a phone call that my boyfriend’s father was in the hospital. I’ve never met his family. We’ve only been together for one month but it feels like four months. Continue reading

Dear Apple Computer

I purchased a new 24″ iMac 2.93Ghz, 600GB Hard Drive from you on September 4th, 2009 for $2,149.00 CAD plus an additional $199 CAD for extended insurance coverage. I love my new computer and have loved using apple computers since 1993, when I first used a Quadra in art college.

Here is where the love stops.

I see today that you announce a new-better-faster 27″ iMac 3.06Ghz 1 TERABYTE hard drive priced at $1799.00 CAD that includes a standard wireless keyboard and mouse.

I began crying this evening because this is the third time that I have purchased a new computer from you and this is the third time in 10 years that within 2 months of my purchase you release a new version at a cheaper price point with much more bling and I am not compensated for being ripped off.

The first time I bought a Graphite iMac DV Special Edition 13GB hard drive in the summer of 1999 which was quickly outdated with a new iMac.

The second time I bought a 15″ Titanium Powerbook 60 GB hard drive 1GHZ G4 OS10.3.9 that didn’t come pre-installed with an airport card which I had to buy in January of 2004. The version you released immediately after that had OS10.4, more power and had the airport card pre-installed.

And now you’ve gone and done it again by releasing a new iMac. Seriously Apple, I’m upset and not feeling the love right now. I could use that extra $350 to heat my home this winter and the extra screen space and power and extra hard drive space to create and store pretty illustrations and graphics on. To top it all off, I can’t even use my Firewire 400 external hard drive or my Adobe Creative Suite with my new iMac because it only accepts a Firewire 800 cord and CS1 is incompatible with Snow Leopard.

I’m not impressed, and wish I could stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. You could have told me to wait another month and half before making my purchase. That would have been the honest thing to do.

Three time’s a charm eh?

Life beyond Death after Indignity and before Google

Indignity can stem from not doing the things you want to do. You begin taking on someone else’s creation when you are not whom you are. Really, don’t you think that when you are feeling out of sorts and not choosing to be who you are then don’t you think it’s rather unbecoming of your personage you portray to the world. Why lie about who you are?

From time to time we all wonder why; that is, why we are the way we are. I have. I combat this thinking by doing.

I’m battling just that by creating art digitally rather than by traditional means by way of paper, paint and ink. I’ve been delving into photoshop breaking new ground, mixing up what I was taught long long ago in college. It feels very good to do what they said not to do.

Have you ever done that? Felt giddiness overtake you when you… fuck I just added giddYness to Google dictionary while trying to spell check it. Now, every time I spell check giddiness with a Y it will be spelled correctly. For that matter I won’t even know that I spelled it wrong for the little red dotted line that shows up underneath a word that needs to be spell checked won’t exist on giddyness anymore.

The thought of writing anonymously crosses my mind more than once every day. There is a an energetic side to me that needs to purge by way of words things often left better unsaid. Although, over the last couple of years I have had people write saying thank you for being so open and saying the things I could not say.

And I think… I haven’t said everything, all those things I want to say. Time will tell when they will be said.

I picked up the book 2012 on Friday and have begun reading.

I felt a kinship immediately Daniel Pinchbeck. However, my taught feminine psyche holds back and does not release this other side of me that I had found. Perhaps when need be, we do realize our authentic selves only through death. Up to that point we practice life. Beyond that point is after life. They call it death.

When my grandmother died she had said to my mom in the hospital that she was ready to go to heaven. I don’t believe in heaven. I believe in an after life. She was also talking her long dead husband and son saying she was on her way.

Words I’ve been pondering:

sex, love, family, success, money, life, death, orgasm, paint, fabricating, production, penis, indignity, trust, relationship, single, one, two, three, ignorance, bliss and lust

There is a ……………… part of me that still questions the validity my own digital art. I don’t know why or where I picked up the notion that manipulating a drawing of one’s own on a future date by means of computer from it’s original traditional creation on paper is wrong.

I.really.need.to.let.that.go.

Poof!

It tasted like chewing on pennies and soap

…prior to five days ago.

I suffered unknowingly for close to four weeks
with this awful metallic soapy taste
in my mouth.
No amount of salt could dilute
this abstergent awful pungent state.

I was not ingesting antibiotics
nor was I crunching copper crumbs at breakfast.
As quickly as the onset of this malady hit, it’s remedy
quickly brushed
it
away

Cleeeeeeeean.

Sadly, four weeks ago I had purchased a tube of toothpaste

as the one before it
had run out.
Being non brand loyal
I switched and had chose another.

This Tuesday
I bought another brand of toothepaste.
That night my mouth turned saline!
NORMALCY ensued.

Beware people of new and improved
for it may be bad and caustic.
Conglomerates are inventing concoctions;
new whitening sensations
to feed our consuming nation.

White is not all that great
if it comes at the price of homemade chicken stew
tasting akin to poultry conditioning shampoo.

Hmmm?

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank