Category Archives: work

The good things – Immediate needs and financial priorities list

  1. I was commissioned back in January to paint four paintings (by a person who wishes to remain anonymous) or as one large painting that depicts the four seasons in my own style of painting. There was no time period set as a completion date for delivery. I will set one now. Friday, April 20/2007.
  2. I was commissioned to complete a design and logo for Scott Wallick and his wife Binita. I have begun the project and have already sent the initial proofs and they have since come back to me for alterations. Things got out of hand this week Scott. I am making the necessary changes in my life to complete this project. Date for completion – April 08/2007.
  3. I need toothpaste.
  4. Rodrigo Pradel’s MailArt arrived in the post today. Made my day dude! I have yet to open the package and peer inside. I am excited about this. I hope my packaged MailArt arrives to you soon. I sent it regular mail as I could not afford express mail.
  5. Discontinue use of Pepsi tomorrow. I began drinking an awful lot of it during the past week and especially last night.
  6. Return all bottles/cans for money tomorrow. Buy toothpaste and cigarettes with money.
  7. I have enough food. My hydro and internet are paid up to date.
  8. I will need to cover another $500 in rent if my ex-roommate stops payment on her check for this month. I DO need to cover the other half of the damage deposit she did not pay. I have until the end of the month to cover that.
  9. I will be signing a new lease with my landlord in my own name. No roommate, no ex-boyfriend. And the hard feelings I have for them are fading. I am as much a part of this mess as they were.
  10. Breathing. Breath deeply in and out for 10 breaths.
  11. I got myself into this mess and I will get myself out of this mess. Messes can be organized. I will do my best.
  12. Try not to think about the past. If it comes into mind accept it and it will pass. The future is not now. The present is peace of mind.
  13. Do NOT go into more debt. I have not gone into more debt since my ex-boyfriend left. It has been hard but I am doing it. Continue working. Working is good. Working pays off debt.
  14. I can not begin selling my artwork online through Etsy because I cannot and choose not to use my Visa. I have four more payments to make and Visa will be happy. I had already negotiated with them back in January to make 6 equal payments and not use the card while making them. I have made two payments thus far. I am proud of myself for doing that and am sticking to it. These negotiations have kept me out of collection. I had excellent credit through my twenties and early thirties. I hope to have that back again as I enter my mid-thirties.
  15. Go see my doctor and speak with her about a prescription. I went and purchased Diphenhydramine Hydrochloride (Benedryl) to combat an extreme anxiety attack where I broke out in hives and something leaked in my right ear. Talk to the doctor about this. Show her the pages I wrote out after the attack. Ask about getting my hearing and vision checked.
  16. Pray to whatever is out there.
  17. If you are interested in sponsoring this Blog please get in touch with me. You can contact me easily now. I created a contact page thanks to an article on Lorelle’s Blog that pointed me to a great contact plugin by Mike Cherim. Note to self – Donate to the plugin creator via paypal today. Done.
  18. Contact Astronutrition for any immediate design work they need done, today.
  19. I contacted Gallery Gachet located here in the city of Vancouver two evenings ago. They specifically work with mentally retarded people. Strike that. 😉 They work with Artists who are facing mental health issues and who use their feelings to create their art with. They have many links to organizations who work with artist’s to overcome personal fears and in so doing, help them make a living through their art. I hope they respond to my inquiry.
  20. Respect all those around me including myself. Remain calm and focus on on the above numbered tasks.

Angry Banking Brain Blog Snowball! Poof!

I seem to go through periods of time that involve me, asking more questions than I can answer. Before finishing or beginning to answer a question, one needs to be able to calm down to look at the possible answers. It is a strange but illuminating experience to actually jump to the other side. All one can do is laugh or get angry. I think that’s why I like Mr. Angry. His humour, yes I say humour because it is. He doesn’t pretty it up except with a visual facial costume.

Mr. Angry News.When I first watched Mr. Angry’s videos I couldn’t actually get thru them. OMG how aw-ful; not the videos, but me. Really this just made me mad, because I couldn’t watch nor listen to anger. This emotion eludes me more than any other. Anger tends to be seen as abnormal or psychotic in society; generally speaking. Anger can be those things, but it can resemble other emotions such as humour, love or boredom. We need to recognize our anger as much as our happiness or we risk the full tide of emotion, we as humans are privelidge to experience.

When the questions start, they gently start accumulating in grandeur; not unlike a snowball one is rolling in the snow. This white ball can be too much to continue rolling; for size and/or weight may overcome physical strength or one could let it fly down a mountain side. Either way this big ball of human creation will meet it’s final destination. It’s going to melt regardless of whether it be at the bottom or atop the hill. Melt I say! I go through question period nearly everyday. I actively need to alleviate, release or calm these questions. In the past as it is present I more than likely create with these questions in search of an answer, except when I’m feeling anger.

These past few weeks whether by fate or sub-concious choice I am flip-flopping about. It got worse when I went for four days with no paxil. But the funny thing is this, after the initial shock withdrawal wore off, my head cleared as my drive returned. I could answer questions creatively with ease. I got a burst of emotion that had felt locked up for over two years now. On the fifth day I took the three pretty pink pills. Ahhh I don’t know about this. But I kind of feel like paxil has quieted my right brain too much. I have tonnes of drive and ideas, albeit the spark to continue, to see them through wains more often than not lately. I want to. I would like to. Tomorrow. These tomorrow’s are becoming repetative. I want to own MY brain again. The continuous dialogue is old now.

This anger within needs reckoning. Silent rage was my answer to anger for many years. You know the silent female who secretly freaks out when no one is looking.

I woke up late today. I had to go to the bank today. Both Eric and I are resentful of having chosen this bank. Some things are good and then there are the rotten apples. Fuck, even now I am angered, I want to withdraw and go lay down or cry but best of all, become numb. Dealing doesn’t seem to be an option in my brain. I want the anger to go away. To die. Poof! There will be no more problems of not being able to deposit cheques, work cheques, and recieve the money immediately without the ole “We’ll have to hold this for seven days crap”. We became quite inventive to get the money, we rightfully deserve and earned. I began depositing everything into my account through the bank machine. Ha! Biggest issue with this bank is this; they refuse to cash Eric’s pay-checques. Rarely a tickled teller, teases and stamps the paycheque just so. Eric has been working for the same company for TWO years now. It is high time this institution accept that fact also. He wouldn’t continue working for this company if the cheques were falsified. Thank you fearmongering hats-full-of-money-big-mouthed money-mongerers for making the post 9/11 everyday world a little harder to cope with.

You can call this creative process, inspiration. Many do. Most artists get off on this stuff, at least some of my friends do. I can only look on and wonder why my process is a melting pod rather than a launch pad. Once I’m launched I’m ok. It is that pod-pad transition aloofness causing delay. The liquid starter I was hooked on once, eliminated or reduced greatly this transition disorder. It was recreational. It turned the ignition. There was say, seven of so wonderful months of pure genious. I miss my GHB. Fuck that is hard to write. If there is anything I hate hate more, the struggle taking place in my brain between right and wrong, good or bad and so on and so forth. Does everyone have this battle going on? To some extent I’m assuming yes. I also believe none of us react the same way to a dilemma or arrive at an answer in the same way. It’s really hard to know you found an answer that worked very well for some time and KNOW you can’t risk answering the question that way anymore. I don’t miss addiction. I am a female addict. That is hard to write as well. What is harder even still, is that this post will be read.
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So, in the beginning there was a bang and it blasted all into existance. This bang made it’s way through time and landed in the Waves Café on Main St. Bang boom went I and thus this bang boomeranged and hasn’t quite landed again.

I landed a gig today. I met the programmer guy and he has work for me to start today. I’m off to Accupunture and then to see Doctor B, both at Location one.

This new reality has not set in for me who until just before noon today only had 2 weeks worth of E.I. left and no job.