Tag Archives: addict

Three Psycho Snowmen or How to Identify Which Drug Your Snowman is Taking

The Opiate Addict

The Opiate Addict

He has very tiny pupils. His snow is dirty yet he appears to be happy. He chooses to dress in overly bright decorative scarves that have been out of style for 15 years.

The Amphetamines Addict

The Amphetamines Addict

Notice how happy, bright and shiny this snowman is! Look closely at his dilated pupils and dryed out mouth. He even sports his own hand made wooden pipe.

…and The Alcoholic

The Alcaholic

This snowman is depressed. His snow is dirty, his eyes are dull and his nose has gin blossomed. His clothes are clean but faded and old.

Three Psycho Snowmen

I come from a family of crafters and labourers who have what some may call a peculiar sense of humor. When you are couped up inside month after month during winter you need to do something to bide your time.

After living on Vancouver’s Eastside for four years I couldn’t help but laugh at these snowmen my folks made. All three do resemble mentally impaired folk art style candle holding drug addicts.

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LUCIDITY – full feature

I have let go of the chapters.

lucidityeastvanesicafull.jpg

This film accurately portrays the daily non-trust of myself. Three months ago I wanted to release this movie. Self fear and loathing took over. A relapse of a different kind ensued, that of self denial and anxiety.

This movie was filmed and completed as of December 2004. When I opened it up three monthes ago to ad credits and thus break it into chapters for easy internet viewing, I could only do the first chapter. This is the way I want it to be viewed. Those 10 monthes of acute addiction (3rd relapse) beginning in 2005 are not portrayed in this movie. But maybe, the idea of how I got there, is.

I have been sober of GHB for 465 days. A hundred days have passed since the last count. A hundred more may come to be.

To everyone who reads my site: Sometimes the self is the leading voice against you.

After the jump, Lucidity – Continue reading

No measurements, no stats and the diet continues on after a brief hiatus

My last weigh in at the doctor was a whopping ???lbs. Woot to me eh? So who and what can I blame my 32 year old bodies shape on? Paxil, Pepsi and a creative mind’s favorite word, procastination. At this moment in time I want to say I would still like to be a part of the diet, however I am not going to set a goal. I am just going to live and let living be my guide.

Pepsi - thanks for trying

Doing things to fast causes me to backtrack into the recesses of my mind. I began this diet very fast and very furiously. I was in hyper mode. LOL. Anxiety was ruling my daily activities rather than doing I was thinking and re-thinking myself into oblivion. I took a break from posting to The Diet and would like to resume posting to it today and hopefully in the least, write bi-weekly updates.

I have been active but not as physically active as I was before. My mind has changed from that of an anxiety ridden mind to that of a I can’t keep up with my ideas now mind. The paxil has done a good job of controlling my anxiety. I miss though anxious moments of thought that would drive me to create with all those ideas I have. My brain works pretty good. Lot’s of ideas. Procastination has become a way of life over the last couple of monthes in the sense that it is very very difficult to organize my thoughts coherantly and get them out. Maybe the paxil has relaxed me to a point where nothing matters anymore physically. Without physically acting on my mentally engineered ideas, how the hell am I to lose weight, write, paint…
Continue reading

An x-ray and a brainscan could help

alchemysymbolpureSM.jpgI have been pondering the term addiction in how it relates to my pschy and life. It has been a while since I wrote of such. It has been many days, weeks even monthes since my last cap of GHB. The 26 of August will mark that one year has passed since I chose to live. This fact causes me to ponder am I better or worse off for that matter, could I be masking still what is inside that needs to be discussed or even just left in the dark to receed into the unknown human landscape we call forgotten memories?

It does not feel like it was yesterday to me. It does not feel like it was me, who experienced the disease of addiction. That holds true for Chron’s disease; was it me laying in a hospital bed talking to death everyday? Do people catch, get or develop a disease to communicate with the other side unknowingly, for that matter could we conciously choose to get sick? Do we choose to get better? Is better being alive and not ill? I am alive. I am not addicted to GHB anymore. But is it better? Is it better knowing that when you are sick you got attention or that when one is sick you know how to get attention? Or is illness and disease a symtom of life not death. Could it be that when we are sick we communicate life. Everything we do in life is to avoid death.

Think about that: Everything we do in life is to avoid death.

What if we accepted death to live. Continue reading