Tag Archives: crying

Dear Apple Computer

I purchased a new 24″ iMac 2.93Ghz, 600GB Hard Drive from you on September 4th, 2009 for $2,149.00 CAD plus an additional $199 CAD for extended insurance coverage. I love my new computer and have loved using apple computers since 1993, when I first used a Quadra in art college.

Here is where the love stops.

I see today that you announce a new-better-faster 27″ iMac 3.06Ghz 1 TERABYTE hard drive priced at $1799.00 CAD that includes a standard wireless keyboard and mouse.

I began crying this evening because this is the third time that I have purchased a new computer from you and this is the third time in 10 years that within 2 months of my purchase you release a new version at a cheaper price point with much more bling and I am not compensated for being ripped off.

The first time I bought a Graphite iMac DV Special Edition 13GB hard drive in the summer of 1999 which was quickly outdated with a new iMac.

The second time I bought a 15″ Titanium Powerbook 60 GB hard drive 1GHZ G4 OS10.3.9 that didn’t come pre-installed with an airport card which I had to buy in January of 2004. The version you released immediately after that had OS10.4, more power and had the airport card pre-installed.

And now you’ve gone and done it again by releasing a new iMac. Seriously Apple, I’m upset and not feeling the love right now. I could use that extra $350 to heat my home this winter and the extra screen space and power and extra hard drive space to create and store pretty illustrations and graphics on. To top it all off, I can’t even use my Firewire 400 external hard drive or my Adobe Creative Suite with my new iMac because it only accepts a Firewire 800 cord and CS1 is incompatible with Snow Leopard.

I’m not impressed, and wish I could stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. You could have told me to wait another month and half before making my purchase. That would have been the honest thing to do.

Three time’s a charm eh?

You just made my day

Have so many things ever been going on in your life that you have not a chance to breath it in and simply exhale it out. It is tantamount to life to breath in and out. It is also necessary to experience, to do, to act upon and create when one is an artist.

That last one gets me in the gut.

I don’t know why some things bring tears to my eyes easily. A word, an act of kindness and even a thank you can bring ’em on unbidden. Maybe it was this past week or two. Or maybe this past year or two. All I know is this; is that the tears are flowing not of sadness but of happiness. And it’s not about money and it’s not about being popular and it’s not about being something I not.

It could be that I feel connected. That I feel worthy? or needed? or loved? It’s an old feeling, one I felt long ago when I was a kid that seemed to ebb away for a while. I am part of something much larger than myself right now. Knowing that out there – in that vastness, that there are other entities not unlike myself who call me friend, or lover or family, sister or daughter and simply artist or emotion creator and writer brings the tears on.

All the wrongs melt away. All the hurt heals. All the abuse disappears. And it’s just me and you. For whatever reason we know each other is ok. I am so lucky to have met you and even more lucky to know you think of me when I am not there as I think of you when you are not here.

If you don’t understand, it is ok. I just want to say thank you and that I love you.

So yes, you just made my day.

About 11 Days Ago I Celebrated

I celebrated quietly. It felt surreal. It felt awkward and good.

Eleven days ago on August 26th, 2007 I celebrated 24 months *sobriety.
I drew a picture; a representation of feelings felt in the midst of quietly laying alone, late that night in bed.

11 days ago I celebrated

Some people know this as I did tell them that day. A handful really, had not much to say.
“Be proud” they reply.

I sigh inwards
outwards
and rather deny… the right to be so.

Lightning didn’t strike and the World remains intact, save
for the few orgasmic attacks.

I wonder why I didn’t cry. I wonder why.

*sobriety from GHB which had been my lovely drug of choice