Tag Archives: dating

Taken by surprise or how it ended

something and nothing - relationship breakup- sadness - illustration by jessica doyle

When you make assumptions about something, especially someone, it can become hyperbolic to an enth degree that perhaps you don’t realize until well after the climax. It’s so easy to generalize and compartmentalize people’s actions and words into man-made stereotypes that we forget that none of us fit into them, nor should we fit into them. We may carry or display a few of the stereotypical characteristics but ultimately we are all at least a little bit unique in how we adapt to situations that arise that took us by surprise.

You kind of get to a point where you know you have to snap out of it and move forward and stop sobbing, pacing and begin eating properly again and get back into the game even with the broken heart. I didn’t realize it was a broken heart until this morning when I woke again with that familiar pang in my central chest that I haven’t felt in a very long time… years maybe?

And I feel so foolish and just don’t understand even what happened over the last few weeks… a complete 360º spun wildly for sure.

I’m well aware that some of you who are reading this know both myself and the man involved but here’s the thing I don’t have anything bad to say and that is why this hurts so much. It really shouldn’t hurt this much right? It’s just the timing is off right? We were not meant for each other right? The stars were not aligned right, right? The age gap was too big? He’s just not that into me right?

And here I’m thinking and asking myself why I keep attracting the same man over and over again and expecting a different result when in actual fact this person is not the same as my two long-term ex’s at all. While there are similarities it was the emotions I was experiencing while spending time with him that made me think he was similar to my ex’s when in actual fact this man was quite different.

It was exhilarating to spend the holidays with him at each of our respective households. We both were not working (on holiday) and kind of jumped head long into a whirlwind romance. Maybe it was just what we both needed? We could talk about anything, cook and eat food together and both enjoyed walking immensely. We had things in common but really we had much that wasn’t in common and that is what I enjoyed so much. He told me stories and sang to me while playing guitar while I drew in my sketchbook. He introduced me to his family and friends and he likewise met some of my people too.

And while I can pin point a few things that made our relationship end I really don’t understand why it ended but have resolved that it has indeed ended.

I’ve dated some men over the last few years in search of a long-term relationship and have experienced break-ups either of my own doing or of the man’s doing and I was always able to pick myself right back up and move on with no regrets. For God sakes… I’ve been eating chocolate for the last three days. I DO NOT eat chocolate ever. Chocolate bars have been known to go stale in my fridge.

This time… it’s not so easy to go back to online dating.

So how can one learn from this experience?

Throw everything you know out the window and just let yourself feel and be vulnerable to whatever is happening.

When we base attraction only on physical it can lead to being attracted to the same people over and over again and expecting different results. I think this is where people’s “types” come into play. Like always buying apples and hoping one apple will become an orange. Well, I met Mr. Clementine in mid-December and he was tasty. And then, my dating patterns and beliefs were smashed to smithereens which is a very good thing.

Yet, this whole experience is beyond bittersweet.

I miss him.

The illustration above is from the children’s book Every Someday that I illustrated a couple of years back. I have a few soft cover copies here in the studio. If you are interested in purchasing a signed edition get in touch and let me know.

At this time of year anything is possible

Three Wise Men, Christmas Owls, Hoot Hoot, turquoise, red, cute art, wall decor, jessicadoyle

And at this time of year anything can happen.

Over the last month or so I haven’t wanted to talk about me or what is going on in my life online save for the occasional tweet or Facebook update. I’ve been doing my best to pay attention and more than that just to be present with what is happening around me and within the circles of people that I spend time with in real life.

It was a needed break from online activity and this change of pace gave me a chance to attend and sell my art at five live art shows and sales during the months of November and December. These shows were amazing and I got to speak to many people and fans and it made me feel very humbled to be able to create for a living but more than that break out of a stagnant routine that was ultimately killing me.

I quit smoking five weeks ago. Passing that one month mark last weekend was almost more than I could stand. The moment was surreal as I was prepping for my fifth and final art show of 2011 in a neighboring city, planning a first date with a man (whom I’ve since been on two more dates with BTW) and fighting mental exhaustion from producing enough stock to bring to the shows to sell.

And shit has happened over the last five weeks and people have been mean and things have occurred that would have easily made me smoke in the past but for some damn reason I don’t care about any of you who want to see me fail or anything that wants to undermine my health or safety. I don’t wish any of you ill or harm or anything bad I just need the space from the negativity and harsh judgements that you seem to have.

I began the year 2011 talking about not being afraid and I must say this year caused me more angst and fear than any other in recent memory. But what a beautiful year it has been and what a wonderful time it is to be alive and to be not afraid.

I am fortunate to have not have lost my house this year.
I am fortunate to have regained my health.
I am fortunate to have conquered the last addiction that I had.
I am smart enough to know the difference between a good a guy and a bad guy.
And I am so lucky to have family and friends who love me.

I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season. I’ll be transitioning into blogging and working online more over the coming weeks. I miss talking with you all.

Merry Christmas from Missy two the cat, Little Orange the cat and myself!

xo

The Three Wise Men are available matted in the shop!

The timing is off and someday soon it will turn on

handpainted wooden beads by artist jessica doyle

In life we either get it right or we don’t as there really isn’t an in between nether world that we can climb into when things aren’t going the way we want them to. However, I tend to crawl into that purgatorial space when the creative bug hits and begin drawing the creatures that float around in it, in an attempt to make sense of what was, what is and what could be or write, right here, on the blog.

And it isn’t that things are going bad right now, they are however at a stand still of sorts and testing the limits with the timing being off and locating the on switch seems to be out of reach and dangling in front of my fingertips. I have to laugh at that because what else am I to do when it comes to men?

I decided to put my online dating profile to rest a couple of weeks ago and haven’t logged in since. I’d much rather meet a man in real life and talk with them face to face as between both Facebook and Plenty of Fish the men I’ve met through those sites are not what they make themselves out to be.

There was the man who after five or six painful dates simply couldn’t say more than “Well, uh”, “What do you want to do?”, “I’ll have whatever you are having” or “Whatever you want to watch is good with me”. Conversation was extremely painful and the thumb rubbing and clenched jaw and darting eyes and feel sorry for me look on his face at all times made me want to silently scream. I’m sorry, but always agreeing with me on everything is a complete turn-off. He was not man enough for me. But this next guy was too much man… Continue reading

The lure of online dating…

Artist Jessica Doyle

People seem to forget that on the other end of the email, convo, comment, message or blog, that there is a REAL human being with feelings. I’ve never encountered more asshattery since opening an account on a dating site in search of that special man.

I’ve been harassed, threatened and chased by men who don’t know their a$$ from their mouth. At one point one man had sent 40 emails in two days demanding to know my real name and where I live all the while professing his love for me stating that we are meant to be together and are soul mates. After a week of this from numerous men I finally located and learned to use the block button.

While, I have met a few nice men on the site who seem to be genuinely looking for a long term relationship I have yet to meet up with one of them in real life and I’m beginning to ask myself why? Continue reading

The good in becoming vulnerable

How do you deal with unwanted attention or attention that perhaps you didn’t expect to get from something you wrote, said, posted, tweeted, shared or facebooked for the sheer fun of it; basically because you could, because it’s your personal space to share and create on.

Getting sick and feeling awful certainly puts one’s life into perspective. It has a way of making you take stock of where you are, where you were and most importantly where you want to be once you do begin to feel better.

Do you count your blessings? Do you make yourself vulnerable to new friendships, new business initiatives or even romantic relationships or do you avoid them out of fear? Do you take risks or do you always walk on the damn line like everyone else and fit into the mold that society markets to you?

Something snapped inside in March after travelling to Fredericton. I haven’t been quite the same since. And that could be due to the Synthroid beginning to work and stabilize the hypothyroidism. Or, it could be that in being honest with and surrounding myself with people who inspire, share, challenge and grow with me rather than work against or hold me back, I’m growing as a person again. And this doesn’t mean that we agree all of the time… in fact it’s quite the opposite… it just means that we like each other and like the dreams we talk of. That Waitress Story is more important than ever.

I applied for a creation grant in early April. It was rejected three weeks ago.

I signed with an artist representative a few months back. I ended that relationship quite abruptly a few weeks ago after learning that all was not what it seemed to be.

I also turned down a part-time College level teaching job earlier this year after realizing during the uber-complicated negotiation process that we were not a good fit after all.

I am dating and realizing more and more what it is that I’m looking for and it’s not so simple or black and white as what is written on this list as many men seem to think from the sheer amount of emails I’ve received from them about it. Look, I don’t date men that I meet online anymore, well maybe…

All it really takes in life is a genuine smile and an outreached arm to dance. Actions speak much louder than words and it’s those actions that make a person back away or grab on and enjoy the ride.

Really, life is that simple and if you are not experiencing that then you must do everything you can and get off of that straight line and enjoy the bumps along the way.

Today I’m grateful for family and friends who while being kind and gentle are challenging me to break out of the shell that I slid into sometime last year.

Photo Credits: Andrew of Park Imagery

  1. Me and my beautiful friend of 20 years, Vikki (Fredericton, NB, Canada)
  2. Me and Vikki again (Fredericton, NB, Canada)
  3. Me hoola hopping with 50lbs of homemade hoops (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  4. Doing my best to keep those hoops spinning (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  5. My good friend Anne hooping (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  6. My good friend and roommate Andrew, hooping! (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  7. Harrison’s Dad, me and Harrison (Cambridge Narrows, NB, Canada)

About me – a list of 130 things

Jessica Doyle

To compliment the 130 things about the man I want in my life,

  1. I am creatively particular.
  2. I prefer Mac to PC.
  3. I am more anxious than depressed.
  4. I am hopeful.
  5. I am lead by emotion.
  6. I can see the other side.
  7. I am allergic to scented products and some pollens.
  8. I am severely allergic to dust.
  9. I take antihistamine a lot from April to May and again from August to October.
  10. I beleive in natural remedies but do not discount modern Western style medicine.
  11. I am small breasted.
  12. I have strong shapely legs.
  13. I don’t mind getting messy.
  14. I like doing dishes.
  15. I love growing food.
  16. I may have hypothryroidism (waiting on the second round of blood tests).
  17. I weigh 128lbs to 135lbs.
  18. I am 5’5″.
  19. I spend more on art supplies than I do on clothing in a year’s time.
  20. I use those art supplies daily.
  21. I prefer cats to dogs.
  22. I can not eat fast food.
  23. I will try anything twice.
  24. I had Chron’s disease in my mid-twenties.
  25. I have a long 9″ scar on my stomach from Chron’s surgery.
  26. I have been in remission ever since the surgery, 13 years and counting.
  27. I believe in mind over matter.
  28. I believe in love.
  29. I have had my heart broken more than once.
  30. I have blue-green eyes that turn grey when I’m sad.
  31. I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type at age 33.
  32. I do not take anything for it.
  33. I changed my lifestyle drastically at age 32.
  34. I do not work at a regular 9 to 5 job.
  35. I divorced at age 29.
  36. I do not have children but am open to the idea of having one or two.
  37. I have lived in three different cities.
  38. I pay attention to detail.
  39. I get hung up on the detail.
  40. I bounce from one thing to another.
  41. I have trouble grounding myself.
  42. I turned 37 today.
  43. I am a smoker who wants to quit and is finding it difficult.
  44. I do not smoke inside.
  45. I struggle at times to earn enough money and at other times earn more than enough.
  46. I own my own home.
  47. I own a 2000 Toyota Corola LE that only has 94,000 clicks on it.
  48. I walk on my tip toes sometimes, especially in bare feet.
  49. I love the ocean.
  50. I like trees.
  51. I love walking anywhere.
  52. I have mild trichotilomania.
  53. I take a size 4 to 8 or XS to M depending on the clothing manufacturer.
  54. I hate malls.
  55. I like to touch nipples and hairy chests on men.
  56. I love my family and close friends.
  57. I am secretive.
  58. I know how to mow the lawn and shovel snow.
  59. I am not afraid of hard physical work.
  60. I am good at solving problems.
  61. I can hammer a nail and own a few tool boxes.
  62. I can build things online.
  63. I can build things offline.
  64. I know what WordPress is.
  65. I often feel misunderstood.
  66. I am an introvert.
  67. I enjoy working at home.
  68. I am a landlord and rent rooms in this home to workers and students.
  69. I take aciddophus and bifidus daily.
  70. I take calcium and vitamin D daily.
  71. I am honest and most sincere with that honesty.
  72. I will not lie to you.
  73. I like flirting.
  74. I enjoy sex.
  75. I day dream.
  76. I eat many small meals per day.
  77. I like the idea of home schooling.
  78. I have never owned a cell phone, smart phone or other miniature mobile device.
  79. I would like to own an iPhone.
  80. I love Science Fiction.
  81. I have trouble learning spread sheets.
  82. I love colours.
  83. I don’t like striped clothing.
  84. I have trouble sticking to a routine.
  85. I am happy.
  86. I am deviant.
  87. I have taken substances in the past to enlighten my mind.
  88. I beleive in God or that higher power that connects us all.
  89. I get angry at politics.
  90. I get angry at outdated laws.
  91. I am not my blog.
  92. I try to see both sides.
  93. I can catch people in lies and do call them out on it.
  94. I dislike ignorance.
  95. I sleep 7 to 10 hours per day.
  96. I sleep with ear plugs.
  97. I have acute hearing and excellent eye sight.
  98. I am sensitive and take things to heart.
  99. I love when someone can keep my attention for longer than 10 minutes.
  100. I dream of traveling.
  101. I do not have a passport.
  102. I am afraid of crossing international borders especially into the United States.
  103. I love snow storms.
  104. I get excited.
  105. I like electronic and beautiful inspiring music but have trouble choosing it and prefer suggestions.
  106. I get busy.
  107. I get overwhelmed.
  108. I will try to repair first before buying something new.
  109. I love being lead sometimes.
  110. I have long fingers.
  111. I have hundreds of freckles than join together in the summertime.
  112. I beleive in taking ownership of one’s life and actions.
  113. I love blankets, puffs and quilts.
  114. I love paper.
  115. I love pens, watercolour, coloured pencils and acrylic.
  116. I go through an average one pen per week.
  117. I recycle.
  118. I choose organic when I can afford to.
  119. I love one on one.
  120. I like small get togethers and pot lucks.
  121. I love being amazed by grandiose things.
  122. I am secure with who I am.
  123. I do not like head games.
  124. I have trouble with spelling and grammar ever since studying French as a second language in Middle and High School and am thankful for spell check.
  125. I am not your mother.
  126. I do not like Yoga.
  127. I remember visually.
  128. I am not in debt and pay my bills on time.
  129. I am a scorpio.
  130. I am…
  131. Well there you have it folks. I may add this to my about page and link each item to a relevant post.

    If i sound like someone you are interested in do get in touch by emailing eastvanesica (AT) gmail DOT com.

What I’m looking for in a man list

Jessica Doyle artist

It’s been suggested a few times that I sit down and write out what I’m looking for in a man. I’ve done this with jobs, dreams and other life altering events and thus far the track record of the results has been very good. But I’ve never taken this approach to finding a partner. Perhaps you are the man I’m looking for?

  1. You are intelligent.
  2. You prefer Mac to PC.
  3. You are a geek.
  4. You are not a nerd, but a geek. And you are passionate about it.
  5. You believe in the future, live in the present and learn from your past.
  6. You are grounded with no current severe addictions, afflictions of the heart or mental instabilities that need prompt medical attention.
  7. You have no children but are open to the idea of having a child or maybe two.
  8. You love your job, career or calling and thrive on it.
  9. You are not in debt (save for your rent, mortgage and/or car payments) and pay your current bills on time.
  10. You love family and close friends.
  11. You are not a social butterfly that needs to be entertained hourly by other people.
  12. You can spell and love the intricacies of language.
  13. You enjoy silence and it doesn’t freak you out.
  14. You are good with your hands.
  15. You don’t mind getting them dirty.
  16. You listen well.
  17. You enjoy cooking.
  18. You are clean.
  19. You are not overweight.
  20. You are at or above 5’10”.
  21. You know what a blog is and perhaps have one yourself.
  22. You prefer slow cooking to fast food.
  23. You actually loathe fast food.
  24. You are a non smoker.
  25. You can read between the lines.
  26. You are a sexual creature and are well endowed.
  27. You are perhaps a Pisces, Cancer or Capricorn.
  28. You believe in Magic.
  29. You are creative and can think outside of the box while jumping up and down on it to smush those outdated beliefs.
  30. You like gardening.
  31. You believe your home is your sanctuary.
  32. Your home can be anywhere.
  33. You do not need to own the latest fashions or gadgets to feel good about yourself.
  34. You are honest with your emotions but don’t wear them on your sleeve.
  35. You believe in talking it out rather than walking away.
  36. You own up to your mistakes.
  37. You believe in mother earth.
  38. You treat people with kindness.
  39. You prefer ambient beats, house music or even the odd techno blip or live band to country, rap or top 40.
  40. You are between the age of 37 and 42.
  41. You know what HTML is.
  42. You know how to use a hammer.
  43. You look at the person you are talking to.
  44. You are more anxious than depressed.
  45. You can laugh.
  46. You can make me laugh.
  47. You know the difference between hugging and getting it on.
  48. You like pens that click and have awesome ink flow.
  49. You don’t snore.
  50. You flirt.
  51. You have faith in humanity.
  52. You have beautiful eyes and decent teeth.
  53. You believe there is a solution to any problem and work to resolve differences or in the least agree to disagree.
  54. You like walking outside.
  55. You aren’t ashamed of your past.
  56. You have been in love maybe more than once.
  57. You have had your heart broken.
  58. You understand math.
  59. You have healthy habits and even some quirky one’s that you are working on.
  60. You stand up for yourself.
  61. You encourage but do not enable.
  62. You are not afraid of colour.
  63. You love anomalies.
  64. You’ve consumed drugs in the past to enlighten yourself.
  65. You prefer wine or cider to beer and cooler.
  66. You believe in quantum physics and have jumped into the rabbit hole on occasion.
  67. You believe we will live on another planet within a 100 years.
  68. You eat your vegetables and love them.
  69. You know what you like and what you don’t like and don’t lie about it.
  70. You like Fringe.
  71. You dislike Glee.
  72. You dislike hockey.
  73. You have a hairy chest and can grow a full beard.
  74. You do not wear cologne, perfume or use scented products.
  75. You have larger hands than me.
  76. You don’t dart your tongue like a jackhammer while kissing or hold it there and do nothing.
  77. You have full lips.
  78. You talk about things that interest you.
  79. You share your life experience openly.
  80. You don’t hide when things get tuff.
  81. You know when to call it quits.
  82. You aren’t that fond of wearing stripes.
  83. You hate malls.
  84. You can keep up with me and perhaps slow me down when needed.
  85. You like to be followed.
  86. You like taking the lead and put your hand out to do so without even asking if it’s OK.
  87. You talk with your actions.
  88. You are a man!
  89. You like fruit.
  90. You like fish, chicken and other meats but do believe in vegetarianism to.
  91. You buy second hand.
  92. You buy new when needed.
  93. You believe in handmade.
  94. You understand the law.
  95. You understand politics.
  96. You are gentle but strong.
  97. You like your nipples touched.
  98. You like to touch nipples.
  99. You can take or leave floor play.
  100. You can keep it up.
  101. You are not married.
  102. You are not recently separated.
  103. You like gallery openings.
  104. You like dancing.
  105. You like trees.
  106. You like architecture.
  107. You love the ocean and swimming it.
  108. You like sand.
  109. You have a hobby.
  110. You can build things in real life.
  111. You can build things online too.
  112. You inspire me.
  113. You like Tetris.
  114. You aren’t so much into violence unless you’re being attacked by a bear.
  115. You like lady bugs.
  116. You dislike hornets.
  117. You are not afraid of spiders.
  118. You are not afraid of the dark.
  119. You are not afraid of rain or fog.
  120. You might have allergies.
  121. You might have minor current health issues.
  122. You know that Facebook is not the internet.
  123. You earn enough money to support a family.
  124. You are creative and can solve problems.
  125. You are wordly.
  126. You have traveled.
  127. You can tell wonderful stories.
  128. You don’t mind repeating yourself.
  129. You aren’t scared to make the first move.
  130. You are…

That about sums it up folks. I pulled both the good and the bad from all my relationships and the above list is what I came up with for what I’m looking for in a man. If this is you, you can get in touch with me by emailing eastvanesica (AT) gmail DOT com.

Update – Many of the comments below are being imported from my Google Buzz feed. If you want to respond them go to Google Buzz.

ACEO drawings for the upcoming Saint John Gallery Hop Show and yes, I’m dating someone special

The Saint John Gallery Hop is fast approaching and I have been busy working on new pieces for the miniature ACEO group show being held at the Klausen Art Gallery. I thought I’d share with you some progress shots to illustrate how many of the illustrations I create begin.

assortment of ACEO drawings from artist Jessica Doyle

All of these drawings are created with Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens on archival mat board that Mr. Klausen pre-cut and gave to me the last time I was in to visit. I keep most of my pens inside a chocolate tin that my Mom gave me. I have four of these tins. They’re great for art supply storage!

I wanted to draw something other than florals so I began drawing wine bottles using sepia, sanguine and black inks while I was out enjoying a glass of wine at Happinez two weeks ago. Happinez is a little wine bar located on Princess St. in Uptown Saint John, NB. They serve wine from all over the world. It has a wonderful ambient atmosphere and the clientele tends to be aged 25 and up.
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