Tag Archives: humor

Artists Tip #3 – How to hide that unsightly pen line

Artists Tip #3 – How to hide that unsightly pen line

When you’ve drawn a line and it’s bad because you smudged it, drew the line too long, too short, gave aunt Wilma an extra eyeball or twitched from being startled from your rhythm by said aunt Wilma simply give her another eyeball. In other words draw another line or two. Give Aunt Wilma’s third or fourth eye wrinkles if need be. In as worst case scenario tear the eyeball (line) out and paste something in it’s place. Instant multi-media collage.

Next Weeks Tip – How to make aunt Wilma happy now that you’ve made her mad

Last Weeks Tip

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Artists Tip #2 – What to do when your pencil lead breaks

Artists Tip #2 – What to do when your pencil lead breaks

When your pencil lead breaks because you pressed too hard and you do not have a pencil sharpener or pocket knife handy, simply light the end of your pencil on fire using a match or lighter, let it burn for 10 seconds and blow it out. You now have charcoal which is an excellent substitute for lead. Repeat as needed.

Next Weeks Tip – How to hide that unsightly pen line

Last Week’s Tip

Artists Tip #1 – What to do when you have no water

Artists TIP #1 – What to do when you have no water

If there is no water nearby and you NEED to paint, place paintbrush or whatever creative instrument you prefer into your mouth, think of your favorite food and wait for the gushes of saliva to appear and wet your brush.

Next week’s tip: What to do when your pencil lead breaks

This post would not have been possible without the inspiration of mankamundo and the conversation that followed after posting this image from this post to flickr.

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Jesus knows…

Jesus knows

…how to get the demons out.

How to get the Demons Out

There is a tropical Storm Named Noel traversing the Maritimes right now. I hijacked a camera and began clicking a few images of myself and seeing as I have not published ANY NEW photos to this blog of myself (in a year perhaps) I thought I would. The two above stood out from the rest. If you were looking for a nice smile the one below is best. :)

Smile you are standing in front of the bathroom mirror

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How to Have an Eargasm

1 + 2 + 3 = 6ex

How to have an EARGASM

The above instructional How to Have an Eargasm illustration inspired this post:
He popped his cherry.

*Please proceed with caution as I will NOT be held accountable for any inner ear damage due to the onslaught of multiple eargasms attained by following the above illustrated directions.

Do you have herpes?

I do. Herpes Simplex 1 to be exact. The kind that form on one’s lips. The lips on your face, not the genital ones.

I was blessed at an early age to catch the herpes virus. Sure enough every school year during class photographs a monstrous sore appeared just off center to the right on my bottom lip. Over the years it appeared namely in the same spot for 7 to 10 days.

During stressful times I could be found sporting two cold sores; one of which located itself conveniently in the corner of my mouth and the other off-center on the bottom lip. Smiling or laughing became impossible without blood letting from either sore.

Crack. Drip. Blood.

Self portrait

Since moving back to Saint John, I have had a grand total of 20-25 odd cold sores arriving in all shapes, sizes, visiting for one, two and even three weeks! This is annoying. Last week I looked in the mirror after showering and smiled upon seeing the most recent virus attacks had healed leaving no visible scars. Later that evening I felt that all familiar tingle. I grimaced. I’ve had enough already. GO AWAY! I currently count four cold sores today, all dry and itchy. Over the years I’ve used prescription drugs, peroxide, ozanol, corticosteroid creme, blistex and now burt’s bees with no real speed up on the duration of their pesky visitation.

7-10 days.

loonie

There was one time four years ago when I erupted in sores this badly. It was upon arriving in Vancouver. I had a humongous loonie sized sore located left on my bottom lip. I painted the painting accompanying this post during that time. Six months it took for them to heal completely. Since then I’ve had minor outbreaks no different than during my school years until the beginning of this June 2007.

I am practicing super duper self cleaning regiments as my fingers and hands are broken out in eczema to prevent self-reinfection.

So, I write this post
saying good bye to Herpes
in hopes that letting out
my anger
will.banish.them.into.oblivion!