Tag Archives: Humour

The intelligence of machines during a recession

On Boxing Day evening I headed uptown with Karen to share a drink at Happinez before going dancing at one of the local clubs where we were to meet up with Lisa and Jilian.

We began walking down King Street so that I could stop at my branch’s bank machine to avoid banking fees to withdraw cash for the evening’s festivities. I placed my bank card in the ATM like I’ve done thousands of times, punched in that I wanted $80 and promptly took my card and left the bank lobby closing the door behind me.

Standing outside the bank’s doors I realized I was only putting into my wallet a bank card and no cash or receipt. I stared in through the door’s windows and saw my $80 still sitting in the dispensing slot! I again dug out my bank card to swipe to get back into blasted banking machine lobby and ran to grab my money. My hands were but inches from that money and the machine sucked it back in! Karen laughed. I did not laugh.

I still do not have that $80 and the bank is closed today.

I’ve got the receipt and I’m sure the security camera caught the stupidity on tape!

The photo is of the Christmas lights I hung in the sun room with a reflection of living room in the door.

Bloody nose or why I was in a fight yesterday…

…with dust.

Upon waking my nose ran away and my eyes cried as I climbed out of bed at 8:30AM and trotted for the bathroom. I grabbed a tissue and began blowing blood. My poor sinuses went through hell yesterday while I was at Value Village; a local second hand chain perusing then trying on clothing.

In the midst of pulling a grey cardigan over my head my eyes swelled, nose began leaking water and my throat began to close. I began sneezing uncontrollably, unable to catch my breath. It was the worst allergy attack I suffered through in a long time. I climbed out of the sweater put my own clothing back on, left the fitting room and handed the culprit to Lisa. We walked to check-out and I paid for that damn sweater because it was the only that fit out of the 20 I tried on. The woman ringing me through told me they allow patrons to bring their pets in! Geebus! It’s not so much dogs and cats that freak me out but dust, chemical detergents, pollens and scents.

Add to that I started my period and was already cramping more than normal. I told Lisa I’ll see you outside as her and Gillian were still shopping and pushed the doors open and prayed I had more kleenex in my purse. The sneezing dissipated as did the whole body shaking while I breathed in fresh air. I knew a simple laundering of that grey sweater would clear up any allergen in it.

They dropped me off at home and I ingested a half of a pink tablet of diphenhydramine-hydrochloride. I felt a bit better but could not breath through my nose and my stomach was bloating something awful.

Over the last 6 weeks I have ingested more allergy meds than I care to count and they are simply not working.

I cooked supper for Lisa and Gillian who were making their way back into town for a birthday party we were attending. We ate, shared a coupe of glasses of wine and I stayed home and went to bed with a hot pack on my belly.

The three of us went for breakfast today then out to their place. They have four dogs. I went absolutely berzerk. I love animals. BUT after a reaction like I had yesterday have to be careful and didn’t have antihistamine with me. They had some and offered me one. A Reactine. I was always leary of taking non-drowsy allergy meds due to the fact that they make me bounce.

I took it on the way out the door when they were driving me home and I CAN BREATH through my nose for the first time in 6 weeks!

I feel like a human being right now. I took it at 2:00PM and it’s going on 9:00PM and I CAN BREATH. My sinuses are open and I almost cried hallelujah an hour ago because I have been feeling shitty for weeks.

Allergies make you feel anxious and scared to do things you would normally do. I think my gut, period, intestines etc have been feeling crappy due to the fact that I was a walking ticking time bomb waiting to explode and boy did it happen at Value Village yesterday.

My new best friend is Reactine.

Photo credit – my new grey sweater on my light grey duvet cover

Three Psycho Snowmen or How to Identify Which Drug Your Snowman is Taking

The Opiate Addict

The Opiate Addict

He has very tiny pupils. His snow is dirty yet he appears to be happy. He chooses to dress in overly bright decorative scarves that have been out of style for 15 years.

The Amphetamines Addict

The Amphetamines Addict

Notice how happy, bright and shiny this snowman is! Look closely at his dilated pupils and dryed out mouth. He even sports his own hand made wooden pipe.

…and The Alcoholic

The Alcaholic

This snowman is depressed. His snow is dirty, his eyes are dull and his nose has gin blossomed. His clothes are clean but faded and old.

Three Psycho Snowmen

I come from a family of crafters and labourers who have what some may call a peculiar sense of humor. When you are couped up inside month after month during winter you need to do something to bide your time.

After living on Vancouver’s Eastside for four years I couldn’t help but laugh at these snowmen my folks made. All three do resemble mentally impaired folk art style candle holding drug addicts.

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Brian and his drawing

Oddly enough this was the scheduled post for today. The last post Little Brian died today is purely coincidental or is it?

Brian, the boyfriend of my friend Dawn who is very much alive.

Brian

Brian’s drawing of CROW. I love giving my pen and journal to people who say they cannot draw. Funny thing is… they always draw or write something within those pages. I have many drawings from other people contained within dozens of journals from years gone by. I’ll create a book someday, entitled DrunkaRds DrawRings.

Brain's crow drawing