Tag Archives: ideas

The 2009 Christmas Wishlist

  • Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, five each of super fine nib, brush nib & medium nib and two Fine nib all in black and one package of four sanguine and sepia colours
  • Pilot G-tec C4 Pens – two Black ones please
  • Moleskine Colour a Month Daily Planner
  • Medium Length Winter Coat (maybe a red semi formal but casual coat) in size Sm/Med or 5,6,7,8 it depends as women’s clothing is weird that way
  • Warm Winter Gloves (not mittens) in dark grey or black
  • Fabriano paper
  • Canson Paper (various colours please)
  • Arches cold press watercolour paper (at least 140lb in sheet form not a roll)
  • Selection of crazy funky artist papers as there is no paper in Saint John
  • #6 round long handled paintbrush
  • #1 round long handled and long haired paintbrush
  • Books to read that inspire me or take me away to another land for a little while (no mystery, no romance and certainly no horror)
  • #11 X-acto knife blades and a spare holder for the blades
  • A pretty shoulder bag in charcoal grey from my Etsy favorites and other pretty things from there to
  • Two Pilot CHOOSE 0.7 nib (opaque white ink gel pen)
  • Five pairs of black socks that come half way up to the knee (not to thick and size 7)
  • Clothing from Ureshi
  • iPhone (with video) and plan
  • $1,000,000 😉
  • A boyfriend – you know who you are! Come visit me already…
  • Handmade sketchbook that is square in shape or at least a little larger (minimum size 7×7 inches and not spiral bound – must lay flat when opened too any page)
  • A much greener option other than heating my home with an oil furnace, electricity from the local oil burning electric plant, burning wood or natural gas :(

I’m willing to barter with you if you are the maker of these items. In exchange for your product I’ll write a blog post review for you and/or you can pick what you like form my online art shop.

Merry Christmas! xo

The original pretty mandala art shown above I created with white gouache and black india ink on red Canson paper. It measures 5×5 inches (12,7cm by 12,7cm) and is listed in the art shop.

An entry in which only train-of-thaught could endure.

logo.gifeyesandfeet.gifOne could peer through the memories of her life. Only she necessarily could become not withstanding of her own sanity. Going from pen in hand to digital key tapping has been, but a transition of assembly to a more resounding thump on the back of my head. Thump thump. t.h.u.m.p.

There are times I want to go crazy.
Writing words without restraint and logic.

This discovery of a beast long laid to rest a thousand years ago. Beyond memory, beyond physical destiny there is perhaps a conciousness building.

Is paper like pixel? Is a keyboard fingers?

Does our mind see it as the same or different…

…or both?

I type. I type. I type to you into the unknown.
This is all unknown.
I can only guess who reads what it is, that is written here.

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Fascinated through sensual observation

Recent picture of me ;)For a few days now, I have been observing life rather than a creating it. I am living. I am happy just taking time to observe, listen, smell, touch and feel all that is around me and within me.

This week is a transitional week for me from that of patient to participant. My time at Daytox and Dual Diagnosis has come to an end. It has been two weeks since finishing my Diazapam taper. I went to see my councillor one last time for an hour. I attended the Benzodiazapine support group for the last time. I’ve shed a skin of sorts. Do I consider myself cured? Saying cured seems so harsh; it is an ultimatum of sorts. Let’s say Jessica Doyle is in remission of addiction to sedatives as she is in remission to Crohn’s Disease. To say something is forever or that it will never happen again is setting the stage for it too, occur again. Some of you may disagree with this saying the only was to cure addiction is to abstain from all drugs and alchahol. I disagree. Am I going to run out and begin popping pills and dosing myself up to function… Hell no! Just like I didn’t eat popcorn after my surgery in ’98 for Crohn’s. LOL!

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One divided

What is our habitat as human beings on this earth? We seem to flourish even in the harshest climates buiding anthills to thrive around. While visiting New York City in 1995 my jaw dropped as I looked out, then down, at the multitudes of people, cars and rooftops, from atop the Empire States Building. Everything was orderly. People walked on sidewalks and crossed the street when walk signs blinked they could. Cars, buses and trucks beeped their way through the gridded landscape following eachother staying to the left or right of the streets. Grey, tarred and dirty roofing material reached as far as it could to the sky.

Collectively this panorama began to appear indistinguishable from itself save for a few buildings that had treed rooftops or nominal architectural characteristics. A lone red firetruck honking chaotically pushing through traffic broke the sound and patterned landscape every now and then. The people though, remained invariable, appearing as ants adhering to the paths set afore them. The odd one would lurch into traffic disobeying the common law, unique amongst the others, he divided himself from the nest.

Eric left today, sleeping bag in hand, going camping up to Harrison Lake with Ian, Tomoko and a few others. I had been invited. I chose not to go last night and told him so today. He said he was disapointed and I did too. I’m not upset at Eric nor anyone else. This is my own choosing. Fuck. I am one divided within myself. I want to be sober but be fucked up. I want to draw and work on the web. I want to dance, feel freedom in my head. But, by choosing to be alone have I lost out instead?

Everywhere I look there are drugs and alchahol. In recovery, people and instructors both, talk of them. They laugh about the good ‘ole days. What the fuck is that! I’ve been going less and less to Daytox and Dual Diagnosis. I sometimes feel it keeps me sick. So where exactly do I fit in? This is the functioning addicts manifesto not an addict on the street nor a fully functioning human being.

I’m not for nor against the use of drugs. I believe people should have the right to choose what they put into their own body. While in treatment, a client is to abstain from any drug use unless it is prescribed medication. But what about the addicts who could have only an addiction to one particular drug? In my case GHB excluding the pepsi and cigarettes. Every now and then I would like to have a glass of wine or a toke of pot. Not all addicts are addicted to all substances! They say in treatment “Why take the chance?” To me being sober is no different than functioning as an addict. My symtoms are the same. My reactions are too. My likes and dislikes are pretty equivalent too. As summer encroahes the northern hemisphere I wonder where I’ll be. I’m transitioning right now. I transitioned from addict to sober… what will it be next? Sober to question mark?

New York City was an idea in my head. After 9/11 the idea was dead.

I want to execute my ideas not kill them.