Tag Archives: Life

It isn’t about pushing

couple in love lego

It’s about walking and talking and sharing our experiences with one another. It’s about laughing as much as it is about crying or being angry and frustrated.

Maybe it’s more about trust than judgement. And maybe life is just that; life until it ends.

Pushing your way through life, really, is no fun. And being pulled through life isn’t really about living either. When one is pushed one ends up in the future anxious and unable to focus in the present and when one is pulled kicking and screaming away from the past it’s almost enough to make one want to end it.

I tend to go into the future a lot. Not so much lately, but in the recent past, most certainly.

And I’ve kind of decided that life isn’t fair and that life is not about equality and that equilibrium, while it may exist is most surely out of whack here in the 21st century as we transition into the unknown.

So many run-on ideas have been colliding in my head since late January…

Photo credit – Jessica Doyle

Happy Birthday to Me or On this day I became the 3,996,794,592nd person to be born on Earth

jessica doyle holding handmade 2012 desk calendars featuring the artworks of Creautires of Whimsy

Lately it’s been difficult to hit that Publish button within the dashboard of this blog… as I’m questioning what to share and what not to share… what to say and what not to say… who to talk to and trust and who not to talk to and most of all questioning what it all means.

The bigger you get the harder you fall is hitting REALLY hard lately as my life becomes more and more public. It hits home instantly when you walk outside and while waiting for the bus or are having a sip of wine with a friend or are grocery shopping and are stopped or pointed at and someone says I know you from somewhere and then they ask your name and it registers with them that you are a blogger or worse if it’s a man they recognize you from a dating site (which is somewhat creepy) especially when said man who recognizes you is someone you don’t want to be in touch with in the first place.

I attended a large arts and crafts show this past weekend at Brunswick Square in Saint John from November 3rd to 5th (an didn’t even share it here on the blog due to being overwhelmed with prepration) selling my art and paper goods. It was an amazing show. I talked to many wonderful people during those three days and many of those same people recognized my art immediately from Etsy or Facebook or Twitter or from here on my blog. That in itself, is, very humbling. Continue reading

The 20 Year Reunion Part 2 – and into the night we danced

While everyone in attendance likely has a different opinion of how the St. Malachy’s High School 1991 Graduating Class 20 Year Reunion went and of what they remember, made them laugh, made them uncomfortable or even made them think twice of another person, the following is from my point of view only.

A few days before the reunion an old acquaintance that I see once or twice per year facebooked asking if I’d like to get together with a few others for supper and a drink before hand. I immediately agreed as up until then I had many horrid day dreams of walking into and having to face the reunion alone.

I showered and dawned the special $3.00 second hand dress and 10 year old sandals and waited for Lisa to pick me up. We met up with Cynthia, whom I’ve been great acquaintances with since age four and Brian whom I don’t quite remember from high school, but was impressed that he is as geeky and nerdy as I am. We met at the Ale House, a popular local restaurant and enjoyed some great food and conversation together.

My stomach had been hurting and turning for days and as we left the restaurant and began walking to The White Room, a high end licensed venue a few short blocks away, it really picked up in the knot factor. Continue reading

Life is good. Don’t give up.

vintage coupon from the 1940's

What would a person succumb to if they lost their ability to create or it was forcefully taken away during times of joy, sadness, anger, anxiety, illness or struggle? Most people have developed coping routines, whether they are conscious of them or not, that they do automatically during emotional periods of their lives.

But we only celebrate the joyful and not the sad or desolate times. I’m not saying that we should celebrate the sad or angry times but perhaps by stepping back we’ll realize that those times will pass and they’ll in turn incubate a new time for you.

Over the last few months I slipped into a darkness. I tend to write more during darker times with much of the words being hidden away behind the scenes as WordPress post drafts. I stop drawing… completely stopped drawing. The last time I picked up a pen to draw or doodle with was six weeks ago which spelled a beginning or rather crunch time when decisions must be made in order to find the clarity and love one so desperately needs.

I shut myself in. I barely spoke to anyone. Yes, I did the daily tasks reading and answering emails to the best of my ability and yes, there were happy hours and moments of what felt like normalcy. And in the end those happy times turned sour for days again quite quickly. And yes, people got angry at me online and offline ’cause I didn’t respond quickly enough or with enough fervor. I am one person, not a multi-national corporation and while I do my best to be prompt, it won’t always happen.

I finished my taxes during the last six weeks. I began the task of applying for an art creation grant that I hope to finish and submit later this week. I rented one room in my home only to find out on Facebook that he moved out, without giving notice, and only after he read my last blog post, while I was away in Fredericton having my computer repaired for five days. No hard feelings on either of our parts part. That’s the beauty of choice. A personal blog for me is simply a form of creative expression… a diary… a way to work through life and share ideas and I have no control over what another person decides to do after reading.

I could barely cry during the last six weeks or laugh for that matter. I danced numb and around to music in the studio during the last six weeks. I paced. I watched movies. I talked a lot to anyone, namely my parents, the postal clerks, the cat and two close friends who would listen in real life and also to people online too. I repeated myself a lot while talking. I lost the feeling and sense of touch in my hands and all over my body and feet during the last six weeks and it only returned last Sunday while in Fredericton. My eyes grew puffy and I had to drop dead on the bed to nap even after 10 hours sleep. I never slept soundly and awoke with a start each morning grinding teeth. I applied for a job and went on an interview and was offered that job last week.

I went into hiding for six weeks. I came out of hiding one night and attended the gallery hop only to become more confused after talking to two awesome but drunk doctors that night and being told it was wrong of my docs out West to withhold treatment for ADHD. I didn’t get a chance to say that I moved back east two weeks after getting that diagnosis. And I talked in the backroom with the wife of a gallery owner who has hypothryoidism away from the incessant noise of the gallery and it was the most memorable peaceful time of the whole night. We understood each other and it was good.

And I realized over the last six weeks that there isn’t too many people in real life who “get” me or maybe I just don’t “get” them. And that’s OK. No hard feelings.

I pondered selling my car and have made the decision to sell it after the brakes are fixed. And I couldn’t be more happy to begin walking and taking the bus when needed again for socializing is good when you work and live alone. And while having a car is convenient I can’t justify the cost or alienation from society that I feel when driving.

Over the last six weeks I’ve lost hope in modern politics, farming and energy and long for peaceful, organic and renewable ways of living. I loathe fast paced life and am slowing things down and surrounding myself in joy, simple and exciting things.

We all deserve joy and pleasure after darkness. We all deserve a decent living wage for a weeks work. We all deserve the freedom to speak our mind without fear of what others will say or do when what you speak of, is not threatening, hateful or harmful to a specific person. We all deserve to live with open minded people if we choose too. We all deserve choice and that is where it’s OK to agree to disagree. We all deserve to make our homes what we want them to be. We all deserve friends and family. We all have a right to all of these things and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose my ability to feel at peace in my own home or place of work because people think I shouldn’t be so damned open and shut online. If people were really so black and white we’d all be from the 1950′s and starring with Beaver Cleaver.

Really, we are just human beings attempting to live in a world that’s becoming more crowded, more fast-paced, more race to the bottom, more segregated, more polluted, more poor, more wasteful and for what? Only to die in 50 to 100 years? Really if you can’t see beyond your own lifespan into a brighter future and work to create a loving memorable environment for yourself in your community then what do you have, but nothing.

Life is good. Don’t give up!

And thank you all for reading, for the thoughtful emails and comments. They brighten my day, everyday.

The Perfect Baking Powder three colour printed coupon form the early 1900′s was put out by the Canada Spice and Specialty Mills which were located in Saint John, NB, Canada and listed for sale in my vintage shop. I’m also loving the change of pace with working on my hobby! Life is perfect!

On being a landlord

orchid, chinese lanterns, sunroom, saint john, NB, geranium, windows, sunnny

One meets all kinds of people when renting rooms in their home; pipefitters, programmers, boilermakers, university students, ESL students, vacationers, web designers, carpenters, mothers, fathers, safety inspectors, labourers, painters etc…

For the most part (99%), people are kind, pay the rent on time and do offer a smile and conversation when you meet them in the common areas of the household such as the kitchen, living room or hallways. But, occasionally, things go awry and people aren’t so kind and you begin catching them in lies and then you are left being owed $600.00.

More than anything, renting rooms in one’s home teaches you tolerance. It forces you to respect other people’s privacy and beliefs.

And every so often your spirit is tested and you are placed precariously close to losing everything you worked so hard for, to achieve. Continue reading

I don’t know how it happened…

…and I don’t know if I like it…

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where what you knew for over 20 years; two decades folks have rapidly evolved into another routine… one that wakes and puts you to sleep at different hours than that which you were accustomed to both physically and mentally?

Creatively, is it zapping, draining and most nauseating.

Productively, it is good, yet subliminally I feel as though there is something missing.

This is what a change of season feels like to someone with ADHD. It is foreign, intriguing and almost unbearable to a most exciting degree, albeit most familiar and strange yet illuminating.

I mourn the loss of my late night routines. 2010 marked a year of major inner change and that change for me was adjusting to a daytime schedule that I didn’t ask for. It just happened. It. really. did.

I deliberately don’t tell many people that I’m on a day schedule so that I have my mornings, uninterrupted and all to myself.

…so don’t tell anyone…

PS – January, February and March of 2011 are looking to be most sublime by the current forecasts. And to help keep track of the days of week and months of the year in 2011, calendars are listed in my Etsy Shop and soon to be listed on my own domain.

Summer slowing and getting ready for an exciting Fall

artist jessica doyle's hands

Stepping back and really looking at one’s life to find what makes you happy is one thing while stepping forward in search of solace and discovering what really makes you tick tock is quite, another.

Digging in the dirt makes me happy as does renting rooms to people in my home. Spending time with family and friends is another happy thing in my life.

2010 is certainly shaping up to be a year of changes for me and I don’t see them ending but I do see them turning into more fruitful endeavors; the results of which are somewhat unknown yet shaping themselves more and more everyday.

on handmadecloud.com

I’ve been working on the e-commerce site and have people testing it out as we speak to make sure the little bugs are squashed and that checkout is seamless. It’s coming along and here’s a sneak peak of what the homepage looks like.

sneak peak of jessica doyle's new e-commerce shop

You’ll happily be able to shop by colour, collection, material, occasion, price and size. I’m adding products daily to the shop and it’ll be launching later this week.

Oh… how long have I been working on this thing and to actually see it coming together simply, feels good. There were sooooooooooooo many days when I just wanted to give up and throw in the towel. But, thanks to a few key people (Andrew, Mom, Dad, Donovan, Gus and a slew of other friends, family and acquaintances who listened to my programming and logistical nightmares and inability to cope or learn certain things) in my life, I trudged onwards.

Thank you all for the kind words too.

Also, I just listed the 2011 Sea Life inspired Wall Calendars on Etsy. They will be listed in my own shop in Canadian Dollars too if you want to wait to buy it in CAD and not USD.