Tag Archives: love

Happy Kitty

Missy Two Shoes Died Today or why the decision to euthanize a pet is agonizing

I feel a little stunned and the back of my eyes and head hurt while my heart aches. Missy would have turned 17 years old this Summer which is 84 years old in human years.

She was a happy cat, a trooper, and travelled and lived from one coast of Canada to the other with me. She saw me through two major surgeries, marriage, divorce, addiction, and too many parties and both good and bad times to count. She always purred when you patted her and rolled onto her back for you to rub her belly. Missy loved when I whistled The Andy Grifith tune to her. She used to spend hours outside on decks and rooftops, catching moths at dusk or licking dew off of leaves in the garden. She was a great furry companion.

She is survived by Little Orange, her adoptive son, and Skulley, her stepsister and predeceased by Cat McGandy.

I miss her so much right now. It was agonizing taking her to the veterinary clinic this afternoon to euthanize. She lost the ability to walk this morning and would not eat or drink anymore. Her heart was failing and I couldn’t bear to watch her suffer any longer.

I love you Missy. You are truly missed and will never far from my thoughts.

Taken by surprise or how it ended

something and nothing - relationship breakup- sadness - illustration by jessica doyle

When you make assumptions about something, especially someone, it can become hyperbolic to an enth degree that perhaps you don’t realize until well after the climax. It’s so easy to generalize and compartmentalize people’s actions and words into man-made stereotypes that we forget that none of us fit into them, nor should we fit into them. We may carry or display a few of the stereotypical characteristics but ultimately we are all at least a little bit unique in how we adapt to situations that arise that took us by surprise.

You kind of get to a point where you know you have to snap out of it and move forward and stop sobbing, pacing and begin eating properly again and get back into the game even with the broken heart. I didn’t realize it was a broken heart until this morning when I woke again with that familiar pang in my central chest that I haven’t felt in a very long time… years maybe?

And I feel so foolish and just don’t understand even what happened over the last few weeks… a complete 360º spun wildly for sure.

I’m well aware that some of you who are reading this know both myself and the man involved but here’s the thing I don’t have anything bad to say and that is why this hurts so much. It really shouldn’t hurt this much right? It’s just the timing is off right? We were not meant for each other right? The stars were not aligned right, right? The age gap was too big? He’s just not that into me right?

And here I’m thinking and asking myself why I keep attracting the same man over and over again and expecting a different result when in actual fact this person is not the same as my two long-term ex’s at all. While there are similarities it was the emotions I was experiencing while spending time with him that made me think he was similar to my ex’s when in actual fact this man was quite different.

It was exhilarating to spend the holidays with him at each of our respective households. We both were not working (on holiday) and kind of jumped head long into a whirlwind romance. Maybe it was just what we both needed? We could talk about anything, cook and eat food together and both enjoyed walking immensely. We had things in common but really we had much that wasn’t in common and that is what I enjoyed so much. He told me stories and sang to me while playing guitar while I drew in my sketchbook. He introduced me to his family and friends and he likewise met some of my people too.

And while I can pin point a few things that made our relationship end I really don’t understand why it ended but have resolved that it has indeed ended.

I’ve dated some men over the last few years in search of a long-term relationship and have experienced break-ups either of my own doing or of the man’s doing and I was always able to pick myself right back up and move on with no regrets. For God sakes… I’ve been eating chocolate for the last three days. I DO NOT eat chocolate ever. Chocolate bars have been known to go stale in my fridge.

This time… it’s not so easy to go back to online dating.

So how can one learn from this experience?

Throw everything you know out the window and just let yourself feel and be vulnerable to whatever is happening.

When we base attraction only on physical it can lead to being attracted to the same people over and over again and expecting different results. I think this is where people’s “types” come into play. Like always buying apples and hoping one apple will become an orange. Well, I met Mr. Clementine in mid-December and he was tasty. And then, my dating patterns and beliefs were smashed to smithereens which is a very good thing.

Yet, this whole experience is beyond bittersweet.

I miss him.

The illustration above is from the children’s book Every Someday that I illustrated a couple of years back. I have a few soft cover copies here in the studio. If you are interested in purchasing a signed edition get in touch and let me know.

The timing is off and someday soon it will turn on

handpainted wooden beads by artist jessica doyle

In life we either get it right or we don’t as there really isn’t an in between nether world that we can climb into when things aren’t going the way we want them to. However, I tend to crawl into that purgatorial space when the creative bug hits and begin drawing the creatures that float around in it, in an attempt to make sense of what was, what is and what could be or write, right here, on the blog.

And it isn’t that things are going bad right now, they are however at a stand still of sorts and testing the limits with the timing being off and locating the on switch seems to be out of reach and dangling in front of my fingertips. I have to laugh at that because what else am I to do when it comes to men?

I decided to put my online dating profile to rest a couple of weeks ago and haven’t logged in since. I’d much rather meet a man in real life and talk with them face to face as between both Facebook and Plenty of Fish the men I’ve met through those sites are not what they make themselves out to be.

There was the man who after five or six painful dates simply couldn’t say more than “Well, uh”, “What do you want to do?”, “I’ll have whatever you are having” or “Whatever you want to watch is good with me”. Conversation was extremely painful and the thumb rubbing and clenched jaw and darting eyes and feel sorry for me look on his face at all times made me want to silently scream. I’m sorry, but always agreeing with me on everything is a complete turn-off. He was not man enough for me. But this next guy was too much man… Continue reading

The lure of online dating…

Artist Jessica Doyle

People seem to forget that on the other end of the email, convo, comment, message or blog, that there is a REAL human being with feelings. I’ve never encountered more asshattery since opening an account on a dating site in search of that special man.

I’ve been harassed, threatened and chased by men who don’t know their a$$ from their mouth. At one point one man had sent 40 emails in two days demanding to know my real name and where I live all the while professing his love for me stating that we are meant to be together and are soul mates. After a week of this from numerous men I finally located and learned to use the block button.

While, I have met a few nice men on the site who seem to be genuinely looking for a long term relationship I have yet to meet up with one of them in real life and I’m beginning to ask myself why? Continue reading

What I’m looking for in a man list

Jessica Doyle artist

It’s been suggested a few times that I sit down and write out what I’m looking for in a man. I’ve done this with jobs, dreams and other life altering events and thus far the track record of the results has been very good. But I’ve never taken this approach to finding a partner. Perhaps you are the man I’m looking for?

  1. You are intelligent.
  2. You prefer Mac to PC.
  3. You are a geek.
  4. You are not a nerd, but a geek. And you are passionate about it.
  5. You believe in the future, live in the present and learn from your past.
  6. You are grounded with no current severe addictions, afflictions of the heart or mental instabilities that need prompt medical attention.
  7. You have no children but are open to the idea of having a child or maybe two.
  8. You love your job, career or calling and thrive on it.
  9. You are not in debt (save for your rent, mortgage and/or car payments) and pay your current bills on time.
  10. You love family and close friends.
  11. You are not a social butterfly that needs to be entertained hourly by other people.
  12. You can spell and love the intricacies of language.
  13. You enjoy silence and it doesn’t freak you out.
  14. You are good with your hands.
  15. You don’t mind getting them dirty.
  16. You listen well.
  17. You enjoy cooking.
  18. You are clean.
  19. You are not overweight.
  20. You are at or above 5’10”.
  21. You know what a blog is and perhaps have one yourself.
  22. You prefer slow cooking to fast food.
  23. You actually loathe fast food.
  24. You are a non smoker.
  25. You can read between the lines.
  26. You are a sexual creature and are well endowed.
  27. You are perhaps a Pisces, Cancer or Capricorn.
  28. You believe in Magic.
  29. You are creative and can think outside of the box while jumping up and down on it to smush those outdated beliefs.
  30. You like gardening.
  31. You believe your home is your sanctuary.
  32. Your home can be anywhere.
  33. You do not need to own the latest fashions or gadgets to feel good about yourself.
  34. You are honest with your emotions but don’t wear them on your sleeve.
  35. You believe in talking it out rather than walking away.
  36. You own up to your mistakes.
  37. You believe in mother earth.
  38. You treat people with kindness.
  39. You prefer ambient beats, house music or even the odd techno blip or live band to country, rap or top 40.
  40. You are between the age of 37 and 42.
  41. You know what HTML is.
  42. You know how to use a hammer.
  43. You look at the person you are talking to.
  44. You are more anxious than depressed.
  45. You can laugh.
  46. You can make me laugh.
  47. You know the difference between hugging and getting it on.
  48. You like pens that click and have awesome ink flow.
  49. You don’t snore.
  50. You flirt.
  51. You have faith in humanity.
  52. You have beautiful eyes and decent teeth.
  53. You believe there is a solution to any problem and work to resolve differences or in the least agree to disagree.
  54. You like walking outside.
  55. You aren’t ashamed of your past.
  56. You have been in love maybe more than once.
  57. You have had your heart broken.
  58. You understand math.
  59. You have healthy habits and even some quirky one’s that you are working on.
  60. You stand up for yourself.
  61. You encourage but do not enable.
  62. You are not afraid of colour.
  63. You love anomalies.
  64. You’ve consumed drugs in the past to enlighten yourself.
  65. You prefer wine or cider to beer and cooler.
  66. You believe in quantum physics and have jumped into the rabbit hole on occasion.
  67. You believe we will live on another planet within a 100 years.
  68. You eat your vegetables and love them.
  69. You know what you like and what you don’t like and don’t lie about it.
  70. You like Fringe.
  71. You dislike Glee.
  72. You dislike hockey.
  73. You have a hairy chest and can grow a full beard.
  74. You do not wear cologne, perfume or use scented products.
  75. You have larger hands than me.
  76. You don’t dart your tongue like a jackhammer while kissing or hold it there and do nothing.
  77. You have full lips.
  78. You talk about things that interest you.
  79. You share your life experience openly.
  80. You don’t hide when things get tuff.
  81. You know when to call it quits.
  82. You aren’t that fond of wearing stripes.
  83. You hate malls.
  84. You can keep up with me and perhaps slow me down when needed.
  85. You like to be followed.
  86. You like taking the lead and put your hand out to do so without even asking if it’s OK.
  87. You talk with your actions.
  88. You are a man!
  89. You like fruit.
  90. You like fish, chicken and other meats but do believe in vegetarianism to.
  91. You buy second hand.
  92. You buy new when needed.
  93. You believe in handmade.
  94. You understand the law.
  95. You understand politics.
  96. You are gentle but strong.
  97. You like your nipples touched.
  98. You like to touch nipples.
  99. You can take or leave floor play.
  100. You can keep it up.
  101. You are not married.
  102. You are not recently separated.
  103. You like gallery openings.
  104. You like dancing.
  105. You like trees.
  106. You like architecture.
  107. You love the ocean and swimming it.
  108. You like sand.
  109. You have a hobby.
  110. You can build things in real life.
  111. You can build things online too.
  112. You inspire me.
  113. You like Tetris.
  114. You aren’t so much into violence unless you’re being attacked by a bear.
  115. You like lady bugs.
  116. You dislike hornets.
  117. You are not afraid of spiders.
  118. You are not afraid of the dark.
  119. You are not afraid of rain or fog.
  120. You might have allergies.
  121. You might have minor current health issues.
  122. You know that Facebook is not the internet.
  123. You earn enough money to support a family.
  124. You are creative and can solve problems.
  125. You are wordly.
  126. You have traveled.
  127. You can tell wonderful stories.
  128. You don’t mind repeating yourself.
  129. You aren’t scared to make the first move.
  130. You are…

That about sums it up folks. I pulled both the good and the bad from all my relationships and the above list is what I came up with for what I’m looking for in a man. If this is you, you can get in touch with me by emailing eastvanesica (AT) gmail DOT com.

Update – Many of the comments below are being imported from my Google Buzz feed. If you want to respond them go to Google Buzz.

Wild ride and come down

Everyone gets days and sometimes weeks where everything is thrown around and life literally becomes a never ending roller coaster ride… This is one of those times unedited and without links…

The roller-coaster began last week with an Etsy convo that I sent to MaryMary about a video and then a phone call that my boyfriend’s father was in the hospital. I’ve never met his family. We’ve only been together for one month but it feels like four months. Continue reading

New Valentine Greeting Cards and a mini giveaway

Update – comments are now closed. I will announce the winner of the four pack of Valentine’s on Tuesday! xoxo

Over the last week I have been working on a couple of new designs for Valentine’s Cards. And they are completed and listed in the shop now. The first is called Hearts on Strings and the latter is entitled The Flamboyant Heart.

Each set contains six matching greeting cards and six envelopes. Each card measures 4.25 by 5.5 inches (10,5cm by 14cm). They are blank inside so that you can write your own special greeting.

Mini Giveaway

Leave a comment on this post and you’ll be entered to win a set of four greeting cards. The set contains two Flamboyant Heart’s and two Hearts on Strings cards. This set of four greeting cards were my test prints until I got the colours corrected. Rest assured they are still cute as ever! I’ll draw the winner on Monday night.

And if you really want to make a big statement with the one you love, don’t forget that I create Tickled Pink Hearts in miniature greeting card sets of eight as posted earlier. These little sets although tiny take me longer to produce than their larger cousins.

Each set of Valentine’s themed cards are listed in the Valentines 2010 Section of my shop along with some other items I feel would make beautiful gifts for Valentine’s Day to the ones you love. Order early as my supplies of each item is limited and then there is that shipping part to! I want them to arrive on time for gift giving.