Why is it that when you really like someone you get all crazy and can’t contain yourself and blurt out the wrong things and repeat yourself, asking the same questions over and over from sheer excitement because you do indeed like the man. These last few months have been nothing but extraordinary for me and I’m desperately trying to plant my feet on the ground again which over the last week has happened in a most intense and disastrous way.
I need downtime and traditionally January through to April have been the months when I steel the time to be alone or in one on one calm atmospheres to create, paint, write and choose to be home more often than not.
I’ve lost the ability to write openly and freely here on my blog because everyone knows about it now, especially here in my hometown, and I’m doing my best to come to terms with this and kicking myself for allowing said outside sources to dictate what I could and could not legitimately write about last year.
Have you ever found the honesty, respect, integrity and intimacy you’ve been searching for in a man only to have it hit you in the soul so blatantly hard that it makes you step back and go is this f#$%ing real? Then your wall falls down and you are so vulnerable and cold and shaking and needing warmth yet terrified to let someone else take control. And then they take control and you hurt and shake like nothing you have ever felt before because they choose to leave and do the opposite of what you hoped for?
I’m just over seven weeks smoke free #Quitsmoking um… yeah and ohhhhhhhhh so grateful that I stopped smoking for myself and for no one else or I’d likely be smoking again given the life circumstances that have arisen and that I seem to have found myself in and facing over the last seven weeks.
I haven’t been a man’s girlfriend in a very long time and I’d like to know what that feels like again for real. This isn’t really a finished blog post or even one that makes complete sense… but…
You should never trust so blindly or simply give up. Plain and simple… really?
I give up. And yes, giving up is a choice and this doesn’t mean that it’s a negative choice. It’s just a choice to change direction and reevaluate why doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results is an exercise in futility.
I don’t know the exact date that I drew this on but it was sometime during mid to late 2009 while sitting on the couch in the living room and likely it was late at night as it is right now when all is quiet with the moon shining and snow melting and everyone is asleep and there is no phone ringing and no cars whizzing by and all I hear is but Missy Two Shoes the cat snoring in her basket.
I love the night more than any other time. I naturally gravitate towards it regardless of what timezone I live in. My brain seems to turn on at 3AM when I’m able to process copious amounts of information and the ideas just seem to flow onto paper more freely. Continue reading
I drew this abstract with a Pilot G-tec C4 pen inside a 5 1/4 by 5 1/4 inch Hand•Book cream coloured paper sketchbook while sitting on the bus in July no June 2009. Continue reading
- Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, five each of super fine nib, brush nib & medium nib and two Fine nib all in black and one package of four sanguine and sepia colours
- Pilot G-tec C4 Pens – two Black ones please
- Moleskine Colour a Month Daily Planner
- Medium Length Winter Coat (maybe a red semi formal but casual coat) in size Sm/Med or 5,6,7,8 it depends as women’s clothing is weird that way
- Warm Winter Gloves (not mittens) in dark grey or black
- Fabriano paper
- Canson Paper (various colours please)
- Arches cold press watercolour paper (at least 140lb in sheet form not a roll)
- Selection of crazy funky artist papers as there is no paper in Saint John
- #6 round long handled paintbrush
- #1 round long handled and long haired paintbrush
- Books to read that inspire me or take me away to another land for a little while (no mystery, no romance and certainly no horror)
- #11 X-acto knife blades and a spare holder for the blades
- A pretty shoulder bag in charcoal grey from my Etsy favorites and other pretty things from there to
- Two Pilot CHOOSE 0.7 nib (opaque white ink gel pen)
- Five pairs of black socks that come half way up to the knee (not to thick and size 7)
- Clothing from Ureshi
- iPhone (with video) and plan
- A boyfriend – you know who you are! Come visit me already…
- Handmade sketchbook that is square in shape or at least a little larger (minimum size 7×7 inches and not spiral bound – must lay flat when opened too any page)
- A much greener option other than heating my home with an oil furnace, electricity from the local oil burning electric plant, burning wood or natural gas
I’m willing to barter with you if you are the maker of these items. In exchange for your product I’ll write a blog post review for you and/or you can pick what you like form my online art shop.
Merry Christmas! xo
The original pretty mandala art shown above I created with white gouache and black india ink on red Canson paper. It measures 5×5 inches (12,7cm by 12,7cm) and is listed in the art shop.