Tag Archives: sadness

Melancholy – portrait

Back in January when the hyporthyroidism was at it’s worst I was painting these little acrylic paintings on 6 by 6 inch pieces of board. This was a few weeks before I stopped drawing and painting all together. Last night, I dug a few of them out and began reworking, exploring and adding in some finer detail with ink and coloured pencils. Basically… just playing to see what the effects of layering different media one on top of the other would end up looking like.

I think this is the first time that I’ve ever used coloured pencil over top of acrylic. I like the result but despise the inked in eyelashes on this sad man and am tempted to blacken them in forever!

Medium – Kroma Artist Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens and Prismacolor on Masonite board

And a wave of sadness washed over me

Between life becoming busy and life seeming mundane, grey and somewhat frustrating I can’t say that I haven’t been feeling sad lately because I have.

Sadness Rant

I’m tired of being single and feeling lonely
I’m tired of people writing and blatantly saying they are going to copy me but as they don’t sell on Etsy; it’s ok.
I’m tired of idiots that are disguised as gentlemen who won’t return a journal that rightfully belongs to me.
I’m tired of this city
I’m tired of not earning enough to own my own place
I’m tired of being so close I can taste it
I’m tired of not understanding Google Analytics

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I’m just very tired lately and everything seems to be bothering me.

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…and I’m working hard and I’ll be damned if I’ll be down for that long because there are goals to meet this year…

And a wave of sadness washed over me

Size – 8×8 inches / 20,3cm by 20,3cm
Artist Quality Materials used – Faber Castell India Ink, Pilot Silver Gel Ink, Pilot hi tec C pens and Pilot Gtec, C4 pens, Strathmore Flower Petal Paper
And the wave of sadness, well it’s listed for sale

You know what’s hard list

1 – Earning about a dollar more than minimum wage per hour when the Canadian dollar is worth a quizillion dollars on world markets today

2 – Tapering off Paxil without proper medical care due to inequalities in the Canadian Medicare system

3 – Having your friend / sex buddy move away to Northern Manitoba to work building ice bridges facing the danger of sour gas until late January

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Little Brian died today

The phone just rang. I answered. It was an acquaintance of my Dad’s. He says to me “Little Brian died.” I said I’d let my Dad know. Then I asked who Little Brian was. “Is he the Brian with the beard who worked with my Dad sometimes at the building? The man replied “yes”. I said I know Brian. He and my Dad are great friends. My chest heaved.

He went on explaining how he had been found in his room, that he had been dead for four or five days before they found him.

Brian didn’t have many people in his life. He had his drinking buddies. He had my Dad. Last month Brian had lost so much weight. The doctors hadn’t given him his prescription for Ensure. He had been starving. My Dad fed him. Ah my Dad is going to be so sad. He drove Brian a couple of weeks ago to the doctor to get that damn prescription and then drove him to the druggist to fill the prescription written for six cases of Ensure. Brian had trouble eating and only had one lung. He was an alcoholic.

I know what it feels like to be hungry and not be able to eat normal foods from having Chron’s disease 10 years ago and from recovering from addiction 2 years ago. And the only damn thing that you can keep down is Ensure.

I miss Brian now. My Dad is going to be heartbroken… They got together once or twice a week to work or go yardsalin’.

Wherever you are Brian you will remembered for your laughter, smile and frank eccentric way of living. The Doyle’s love you.

xo