Tag Archives: snow

A New Brunswick Diary

Dear Diary,

Aug 12 – Moved to our new home in New Brunswick. It is so beautiful here. The northern woods are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow. I love it here.

Oct 14 – New Brunswick is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned colors – shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the country and saw some deer. They are so graceful…certainly they are the most beautiful animal on earth. I really love it here.

Nov 11 – Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. What a beautiful place.

Dec 12 – Snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard! We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snow plow came by, we got to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place – I love New Brunswick.

Dec 14 – More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again. It’s so great here.

Dec19 – More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snow plow.

Dec 22 – More of that white shit fell last night. I have blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling the driveway. ASSHOLE!

Dec 25 – Merry Fucking Christmas! More friggen snow. If I ever get my hands on that son‐of‐a‐bitch who drives that snow plow, I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the road to melt the bloody ice?

Dec 27 – More white shit last night. Been inside for 3 days – except for shoveling the driveway after that snow plow goes through. Can’t go anywhere – the cars stuck in a mountain of the white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10” of this crap again tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow 10″ is?

Dec 28 – The fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 34” of that white shit this time. At this rate, it won’t melt before next summer. The snow plow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway. I broke my last shovel over his bloody head.

Jan 4 – Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of my car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed all of them last November.

May 3 – Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all the fucking salt they put all over the road?

May 10 – Moved to Georgia. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God‐forsaken province of NEW BRUNSWICK.

author unknown…

My Dad handed this joke to me last night, typed on three worn sheets of paper. After reading it I couldn’t help but publish it to the blog! Haha! I did find many other adaptations of this joke that take place in other northern US and Canadian locals but could not find the original author of this joke. The photo above is the front of my house… enough said…

The shoveling of Snow and housekeeping of home

On Sunday, Saint John received it’s first snowfall. And with that comes the task of clearing of said snow from walkways, stairs, driveways and decks. I was pooped after shoveling, only to have to clean up the house afterwords.

Each Sunday, I strip the tenants beds, wash linens and towels, vacuum, clean the bathrooms and basically restock toilet paper, hand towels and other common goods that are included with the rent. I’ve got it down to a science, after doing this for the last four months and it takes me about four hours from beginning to end to do the housekeeping chores. I look it at as my part-time job. I claim the income from the rentals and pay much extra for residential insurance as opposed to regular home insurance which will not cover you when you rent to more than one person within your own home. And I rent to up to three people at times. At the moment, I have two tenants; one long-term and one short-term and am hoping to have another tenant by mid-next week who is coming to Saint John from Montreal for a work contract.

By doing it by the book, I am able to claim a percentage of all cleaning supplies, toilet paper, heating, power, cable, internet, furniture, bedding etc that the tenants use. On top of that, because I run and operate a business within this home I needed additional business insurance and therefore can claim all related utilities, basically a 1/4 of the main floor of the house. I can claim about 4/5 of my home as business due to the rental and art business combined, and do pay dearly for the insurance of both. The paperwork of running two businesses is a another job unto itself!

I raised the rents from $125 per week to $150 per week as the expenses were a bit more than I initially calculated. However, when compared to other room rentals available within the city my rooms are on the higher end of renting but they are legal, clean, bright, spacious and well maintained.

And I guess, that is what matters.

Needless to say, come late Sunday night I was exhausted after shoveling snow for two and half hours and then cleaning house for four hours, as both are very labour intensive. I definitely do not need a gym membership.

Begin RANT – I was just today declined for life insurance. Don’t ever get Crohn’s disease and/or mental health or addiction issues as you will be declined if you are self-employed and single in Canada. This is frustrating. I can’t get health insurance and now life insurance to, unless I am employed by a company who offers group insurance or am married and under my partners plan. Thank god I live in Canada where at least health care is free. We do need to pay for dental, eye care and prescription drugs (which would be covered if you had insurance) but anything else is free. BUT STILL I’ve been in remission from Crohn’s for 12 freaking years and clean of addiction for four years! End RANT

Yes – we all have a bum

We sit on our derrieres
We shit from our derrieres

We, rather than go into a lengthy poo ballad, that only I could find funny because there are things out there people that only, each one, to herself will laugh out loud to. With the way my mind works it focuses from one to another thing as though it were outstretched spaghetti almost reaching the wall it supposedly was to land on as described once in an infomercial to me. These infomercials are just damned informative. It can fold this way. You can wash it this way and then dispose of it. Poof! It all disappears with the click of a button. A switch is more, an apt word, than button. We button clothing. We switch on and off or on again only to get sucked into a strobed illumination of one brothers creation in the family living room.

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On.

My brother always had a way of bugging me. I call it bugging because that may have been the word I most said next to Stephen or Mom or Dad. Then our dualling would begin. We would go underground not involving the parents in our war for supremacy over the house, inclusive but not exclusive to; the control of the TV remote control after supper, ice cream, fort building of all kinds including snow forts or pillow forts and lastly, control over the swings on the swing set nestled in the backyard.

Good times we had playing for hours in the snow piling it high only to dig it’s center out to create a snow fort. There was so much snow. So much.

Eric hurt his back at work yesterday. He’s home from work for a few days in the least. “A gable landed on me” he said. Took him to the doctor yesterday afternoon and his back is bruised with some muscle strain, slightly pink-purple with shades of blue appearing momentarily and this reads as though I’ve written a weather forecast about my boyfriend.

Moods are high with seldom whimpers while gusts of laughter roar up as he enjoys a showering of TV programming.

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’ll be 33.

Kick kick kick! soooo back to bums. I have been linked to from a place called Smart Ass Farm. A PaperBullet on flickr has added me to her contacts. She contributes on Mondays to FecalFace. Once I thought a flip meant fart in the comments, however discovered that a flip is a finger, the central one, and had nothing to do with farting after all.

Weeee fart from our derrieres.
We even report about our derrieres.. goings ons
. 😉

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Snow – Vancouver – March?

Having lived in Vancouver for three years now, there has, on rare occasion, been white fluffy stuff falling from the sky. Mainly in January though! But, being from New Brunswick and having endured/enjoyed almost 30 some years of six month long winters seeing snow today/tonight was/is beautiful.

The city is calmer. Noise is reduced as snow acts as an insulator. And, living one block off of a main thorough fare in east Van; getting a break from the incessant traffic noise is welcome. Having another form of precipitation other than rain, drizzle, fog, mist or showers during the winter here is a nice change. The snow brightens everything up. The clouds are orange and purple hued reflections of city lights rather than grey, dark grey or black. This forces most folks here to stay home (lack of snow tires and skill to drive in 5cm of snow – haha). Good day to take off of work or to stay home from school.

Snow in Vancouver in March

On the flip side my boyfriend Eric’s irises, tulips, hyacinth’s and croci had popped up a little over a month ago during a warm spell and are now rather confused as to what to do. Yesterday it was warmer in New Brunswick than here. It more than likely has to do with global warming. Hooray! Global warming takes the blame again. Maybe it was all the Atlantic hurricanes this past season that Hrhum… were caused by GLOBAL WARMING. The phrase “Global warming” does not sound threatening enough. Perhaps a more catastrophically inhumane phrase such as “GLOBAL DEATH” would get the idea across to all of us. “Global Warming” just sounds so warm and fuzzy to a Canadian.

Why wouldn’t we want warmer weather up here north of the equator?

Hence, the Canadian Migration to Vancouver.

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