ast weekend I went to a concert of someone I’ve technically known since I was five, and despite the fact that she’s fairly popular, I was woefully unfamiliar with her music and had never seen her perform (unless you count living room karaoke.) It ended up being pretty incredible to watch, not just because the music was awesome (which it was) but because I was witnessing this person that I’d interacted with in a casual way perform as she does best, in her element, in front of her fans, in the spotlight. She displayed a great command of experience and talent in exactly the moment she needed to.
As artists, we’re familiar with this situation to varying degrees. Any time we’re at our own shows, or even doing something as simple as releasing a painting for public view, we summon all necessary skill and confidence into a fixed period of time in which we allow ourselves to be stars, to lead the room in a chorus of our own making. We understand the necessity of doing so, at least in short bursts, especially when we’re promoting something specific.
But what happens the rest of the time? Why do we tend to put our public selves into stasis when we’re not attached to the art? We still have a duty to be artists, which is doing more than making art. We have a purpose to live artistic lives, with intention and passion. Our lives should be as interesting and inspiring as our art. Being an artist is an action, not a title.
I have not been able to write lately. In actuality, the thoughts in my head are so hurried and are far outpacing my ability to even jot them down in a coherent manner for you to read most days. So, that leaves me with drawing, gardening and working on my top secret e-commerce site.
I’m having trouble following directions, understanding them and thus implementing them.
I’ve got about 25 (maybe 2,500) major projects on the go all at once and until they are done my finances slowly slip and slide and miraculously carry me through. I’m not in debt and refuse to go into debt or even to use credit cards. My bills are all paid. I don’t know how I do it sometimes, but I do.
Family and friends and people I don’t know are coming at me from all directions and truth be told I’m close to screaming. Add to that mix, a third break up since January and I’m really through with dating all together. I just can’t bring myself to continue dating someone when we are not physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually compatible and most importantly in love. And I’m fully aware that not everything will be perfect, but I do believe in love at first site and I do believe in getting my major needs met when in a relationship. And I know that if I’m not happy I’ll go looking elsewhere. And that, is hard to admit. Continue reading
I walked into the kitchen to wash my hands and met a ghastly hilarious sink filled with smelt. It took me by surprise. I stepped back, laughed and walked to the bathroom to wash there instead.
My uncle had been ice fishing for smelt and Mom was thawing out the frozen fish for cleaning, then cooking.
Later that night (last night) I attended a party at my brother‘s place. I was holding onto optimism that sales would increase this coming week and decided to leave my laptop, business and ideas at home so that I could relax, have a few drinks and hang out with great people, some of whom, I’ve known since early childhood.
A few hours into the party I secured a small design contract and a babysitting job.
So, how does self confidence relate to Smelt? Continue reading
The truth behind the struggle
You hear people speak of the struggling artist. It’s almost a romantic notion to have that said to you or about you if you are in fact an artist. I hate that notion. You never hear of a struggling physician or a struggling carpenter. Only artist’s seem worthy of such a negative, yes NEGATIVE, connotation attached to their trade of choice. And it is even their trade of choice? Continue reading