Tag Archives: women

Personal Empowerment (and Kicking Ass)

A Confident Stride

A couple of years ago, as I approached a new decade, I decided that I was no longer going to be bashful in my 30s. To me this meant developing the strength I knew was there, and blossoming into the perpetual self-confidence I felt I deserved but never embraced. Why shouldn’t I? I was young, healthy, smart. I had good ideas, and with a little hard work, a great future.

Suffice it to say, now in my 30s, this is still an ongoing struggle.

So what’s the problem? What I didn’t know in my 20s is that being confident is a verb, an action. It’s not a feeling that floats around inside you. Doing the things of a confident person is what makes you confident. You have to do first, feel later. You cannot sit around waiting for confidence to find you, or blame the lack of it on your inability to accomplish tasks. The years continue on around us regardless of whether or not we feel confident enough to participate. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Continue reading

The timing is off and someday soon it will turn on

handpainted wooden beads by artist jessica doyle

In life we either get it right or we don’t as there really isn’t an in between nether world that we can climb into when things aren’t going the way we want them to. However, I tend to crawl into that purgatorial space when the creative bug hits and begin drawing the creatures that float around in it, in an attempt to make sense of what was, what is and what could be or write, right here, on the blog.

And it isn’t that things are going bad right now, they are however at a stand still of sorts and testing the limits with the timing being off and locating the on switch seems to be out of reach and dangling in front of my fingertips. I have to laugh at that because what else am I to do when it comes to men?

I decided to put my online dating profile to rest a couple of weeks ago and haven’t logged in since. I’d much rather meet a man in real life and talk with them face to face as between both Facebook and Plenty of Fish the men I’ve met through those sites are not what they make themselves out to be.

There was the man who after five or six painful dates simply couldn’t say more than “Well, uh”, “What do you want to do?”, “I’ll have whatever you are having” or “Whatever you want to watch is good with me”. Conversation was extremely painful and the thumb rubbing and clenched jaw and darting eyes and feel sorry for me look on his face at all times made me want to silently scream. I’m sorry, but always agreeing with me on everything is a complete turn-off. He was not man enough for me. But this next guy was too much man… Continue reading

Four vintage Smurfs and one vintage Carebear

Papa smurf, smurfette, carebear

A few weeks ago I held a small reunion of sorts in the backyard for close friends and family. Three of my long-time friends were in attendance. We all grew up on the same street thirty odd years ago and remain friends to this day. Continue reading

May I recommend some lovely ladies for your custom illustrative needs…

…as I am no longer accepting custom illustrative or design work. Below are three women you’ll love to work with.

Lovely Lady #1

illustration illusio creative

Name: Lorrie Whittington
Country of Residence: United Kingdom
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/IllusioCreative
Etsy Shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/illusio
Blog: http://www.illusiocreative.co.uk/blog/
Specialities: flora, fauna, letters, website design, logos, typography, photography

Lovely Lady #2

woman illustration

Name: Stephanie Corfee
Country of Residence: United States
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/stephaniecorfeeartist
Etsy Shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/stephaniecorfee
Blog: http://stephaniecorfee.com
Specialities: whimsical girls, ladies, abstracts, logos, dreamscapes, typography

Lovely Lady #3

cat illustration taraflyphotos

Name: Tara Fly
Country of Residence: United States
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/tarafly
Etsy Shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/TaraFlyPhotos
Blog: http://taraflyart.com/
Specialties: characterized cats and beautiful surrealistic period felines

You are all likely wondering why I’m not accepting custom work any longer. I’ll expand upon that in my next post. In the meantime do visit these ladies sites. They are great at what they do. I can personally vouch for both their work and illustrative integrity.

About me – a list of 130 things

Jessica Doyle

To compliment the 130 things about the man I want in my life,

  1. I am creatively particular.
  2. I prefer Mac to PC.
  3. I am more anxious than depressed.
  4. I am hopeful.
  5. I am lead by emotion.
  6. I can see the other side.
  7. I am allergic to scented products and some pollens.
  8. I am severely allergic to dust.
  9. I take antihistamine a lot from April to May and again from August to October.
  10. I beleive in natural remedies but do not discount modern Western style medicine.
  11. I am small breasted.
  12. I have strong shapely legs.
  13. I don’t mind getting messy.
  14. I like doing dishes.
  15. I love growing food.
  16. I may have hypothryroidism (waiting on the second round of blood tests).
  17. I weigh 128lbs to 135lbs.
  18. I am 5’5″.
  19. I spend more on art supplies than I do on clothing in a year’s time.
  20. I use those art supplies daily.
  21. I prefer cats to dogs.
  22. I can not eat fast food.
  23. I will try anything twice.
  24. I had Chron’s disease in my mid-twenties.
  25. I have a long 9″ scar on my stomach from Chron’s surgery.
  26. I have been in remission ever since the surgery, 13 years and counting.
  27. I believe in mind over matter.
  28. I believe in love.
  29. I have had my heart broken more than once.
  30. I have blue-green eyes that turn grey when I’m sad.
  31. I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type at age 33.
  32. I do not take anything for it.
  33. I changed my lifestyle drastically at age 32.
  34. I do not work at a regular 9 to 5 job.
  35. I divorced at age 29.
  36. I do not have children but am open to the idea of having one or two.
  37. I have lived in three different cities.
  38. I pay attention to detail.
  39. I get hung up on the detail.
  40. I bounce from one thing to another.
  41. I have trouble grounding myself.
  42. I turned 37 today.
  43. I am a smoker who wants to quit and is finding it difficult.
  44. I do not smoke inside.
  45. I struggle at times to earn enough money and at other times earn more than enough.
  46. I own my own home.
  47. I own a 2000 Toyota Corola LE that only has 94,000 clicks on it.
  48. I walk on my tip toes sometimes, especially in bare feet.
  49. I love the ocean.
  50. I like trees.
  51. I love walking anywhere.
  52. I have mild trichotilomania.
  53. I take a size 4 to 8 or XS to M depending on the clothing manufacturer.
  54. I hate malls.
  55. I like to touch nipples and hairy chests on men.
  56. I love my family and close friends.
  57. I am secretive.
  58. I know how to mow the lawn and shovel snow.
  59. I am not afraid of hard physical work.
  60. I am good at solving problems.
  61. I can hammer a nail and own a few tool boxes.
  62. I can build things online.
  63. I can build things offline.
  64. I know what WordPress is.
  65. I often feel misunderstood.
  66. I am an introvert.
  67. I enjoy working at home.
  68. I am a landlord and rent rooms in this home to workers and students.
  69. I take aciddophus and bifidus daily.
  70. I take calcium and vitamin D daily.
  71. I am honest and most sincere with that honesty.
  72. I will not lie to you.
  73. I like flirting.
  74. I enjoy sex.
  75. I day dream.
  76. I eat many small meals per day.
  77. I like the idea of home schooling.
  78. I have never owned a cell phone, smart phone or other miniature mobile device.
  79. I would like to own an iPhone.
  80. I love Science Fiction.
  81. I have trouble learning spread sheets.
  82. I love colours.
  83. I don’t like striped clothing.
  84. I have trouble sticking to a routine.
  85. I am happy.
  86. I am deviant.
  87. I have taken substances in the past to enlighten my mind.
  88. I beleive in God or that higher power that connects us all.
  89. I get angry at politics.
  90. I get angry at outdated laws.
  91. I am not my blog.
  92. I try to see both sides.
  93. I can catch people in lies and do call them out on it.
  94. I dislike ignorance.
  95. I sleep 7 to 10 hours per day.
  96. I sleep with ear plugs.
  97. I have acute hearing and excellent eye sight.
  98. I am sensitive and take things to heart.
  99. I love when someone can keep my attention for longer than 10 minutes.
  100. I dream of traveling.
  101. I do not have a passport.
  102. I am afraid of crossing international borders especially into the United States.
  103. I love snow storms.
  104. I get excited.
  105. I like electronic and beautiful inspiring music but have trouble choosing it and prefer suggestions.
  106. I get busy.
  107. I get overwhelmed.
  108. I will try to repair first before buying something new.
  109. I love being lead sometimes.
  110. I have long fingers.
  111. I have hundreds of freckles than join together in the summertime.
  112. I beleive in taking ownership of one’s life and actions.
  113. I love blankets, puffs and quilts.
  114. I love paper.
  115. I love pens, watercolour, coloured pencils and acrylic.
  116. I go through an average one pen per week.
  117. I recycle.
  118. I choose organic when I can afford to.
  119. I love one on one.
  120. I like small get togethers and pot lucks.
  121. I love being amazed by grandiose things.
  122. I am secure with who I am.
  123. I do not like head games.
  124. I have trouble with spelling and grammar ever since studying French as a second language in Middle and High School and am thankful for spell check.
  125. I am not your mother.
  126. I do not like Yoga.
  127. I remember visually.
  128. I am not in debt and pay my bills on time.
  129. I am a scorpio.
  130. I am…
  131. Well there you have it folks. I may add this to my about page and link each item to a relevant post.

    If i sound like someone you are interested in do get in touch by emailing eastvanesica (AT) gmail DOT com.

The thoughts in my head are culminating into a divergent rant about ADHD, relationships and e-commerce

lilac tree sunset saint john nb canada

I have not been able to write lately. In actuality, the thoughts in my head are so hurried and are far outpacing my ability to even jot them down in a coherent manner for you to read most days. So, that leaves me with drawing, gardening and working on my top secret e-commerce site.

I’m having trouble following directions, understanding them and thus implementing them.

I’ve got about 25 (maybe 2,500) major projects on the go all at once and until they are done my finances slowly slip and slide and miraculously carry me through. I’m not in debt and refuse to go into debt or even to use credit cards. My bills are all paid. I don’t know how I do it sometimes, but I do.

Family and friends and people I don’t know are coming at me from all directions and truth be told I’m close to screaming. Add to that mix, a third break up since January and I’m really through with dating all together. I just can’t bring myself to continue dating someone when we are not physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually compatible and most importantly in love. And I’m fully aware that not everything will be perfect, but I do believe in love at first site and I do believe in getting my major needs met when in a relationship. And I know that if I’m not happy I’ll go looking elsewhere. And that, is hard to admit. Continue reading

Secret #5 – Stop Smoking

Twenty years have come and gone since I picked up my first cigarette and smoked it. I like it you know.
the taste the feel, the way it filled my lungs and how it circled upwards twirling into the air once exhaled. It has always visually entranced me…

About three years ago I stopped smoking indoors. Yes, the amount I smoked decreased somewhat but that’s not the fucking point. And yes,
I’m somewhat grumpy
somewhat heaving
somewhat lazy and mourning
and saying good bye to a companion whose been by my side
for two
decades

The fallacy of smoking is that it’s wonderful for a person like me who moves from one extreme to another… the harder it is to do something the more I’ll find a way to continue doing it
braving sub-zero temperatures…

72 hours ago I put out my last cigarette.

And for all you Etsy sellers and yes this is on my mind you demonizing little forum writers… not all smokers, smoke inside and not all smokers touch their artwork with smokey hands. I am/was diligent with washing my hands and keeping myself clean.

And maybe I’m lashing out right now. It’s been so quiet. All I want to do is cry but all that does is make me sad and want to curl up into a little ball and sleep. My focus sucks. My creative energy has all but gone into the fog that’s rolling in from the bay outside. My chest feels heavy and I know it’s only because for once I’m getting adequate amounts of oxygen into my lungs. But you know what I want that vile cigarette.

I bought a house this week! Happy! but here I am crying like a baby about a cigarette. Why today is it bugging me so much!

I quit in 1997 for 13 months after my appendix ruptured and was literally rotting inside me. I had morphine to cope with withdrawal so smoking didn’t really matter when I could pump drugs directly into my blood stream.

I quit in 2003 for 19 months using Zyban. Mmm what to say about that except Zyban mentally can mess with your psyche pretty bad. Be for-warned.

I quit for 2 days in 2006. On the third day the DEA raided my office in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Yeah, so I relapsed and began smoking again. Fuck that I said. I want my crutch and I want it now. Those men have rifles pointed at me and there arresting my friends.

so here we are in 2009.
72 hours into quitting and I’m honestly fine.
Are you reading between those lines?
I read a book called “Allen Carr’s EASY way to quit smoking”.
I think it slightly hypnotized me. Needless to say I’m damn lonely right now.
NOT one of my closest girlfriends is a non-smoker.
THEY ALL SMOKE! 90% of the females aged 25 to 45 where I live, smoke.
And guess what!
The men don’t unless they are aged 45 to 65.
WTF?

I’ll tell you though… physical withdrawal from nicotine is NOTHING! It’s a wee little blip in time. It can’t even kill you.

It’s nothing compared to the wee seizures, bone chilling shaking extremities, skin eruptions, low blood pressure, hallucinations and psychosis from GHB withdrawal that can actually kill you dead.

lou says – 02.08.52

lou says: (02:08:52)

good morning

lou says: (02:08:59)

are you there??

EastVanEsica says: (02:14:42)

Hi I’m here now

EastVanEsica says: (02:14:54)

was in the washroom

lou says: (02:15:09)

ah i was just sending you an email its not finished but i’ll send it anyway

EastVanEsica says: (02:15:16)

sold the apple tree and concord grapevine

EastVanEsica says: (02:15:18)

:)

lou says: (02:15:21)

good

EastVanEsica says: (02:15:23)

ok

EastVanEsica says: (02:15:35)

made 200 today

EastVanEsica says: (02:15:41)

205 actually

lou says: (02:15:47)

did you convince them to buy something else

Continue reading