The good in becoming vulnerable

How do you deal with unwanted attention or attention that perhaps you didn’t expect to get from something you wrote, said, posted, tweeted, shared or facebooked for the sheer fun of it; basically because you could, because it’s your personal space to share and create on.

Getting sick and feeling awful certainly puts one’s life into perspective. It has a way of making you take stock of where you are, where you were and most importantly where you want to be once you do begin to feel better.

Do you count your blessings? Do you make yourself vulnerable to new friendships, new business initiatives or even romantic relationships or do you avoid them out of fear? Do you take risks or do you always walk on the damn line like everyone else and fit into the mold that society markets to you?

Something snapped inside in March after travelling to Fredericton. I haven’t been quite the same since. And that could be due to the Synthroid beginning to work and stabilize the hypothyroidism. Or, it could be that in being honest with and surrounding myself with people who inspire, share, challenge and grow with me rather than work against or hold me back, I’m growing as a person again. And this doesn’t mean that we agree all of the time… in fact it’s quite the opposite… it just means that we like each other and like the dreams we talk of. That Waitress Story is more important than ever.

I applied for a creation grant in early April. It was rejected three weeks ago.

I signed with an artist representative a few months back. I ended that relationship quite abruptly a few weeks ago after learning that all was not what it seemed to be.

I also turned down a part-time College level teaching job earlier this year after realizing during the uber-complicated negotiation process that we were not a good fit after all.

I am dating and realizing more and more what it is that I’m looking for and it’s not so simple or black and white as what is written on this list as many men seem to think from the sheer amount of emails I’ve received from them about it. Look, I don’t date men that I meet online anymore, well maybe…

All it really takes in life is a genuine smile and an outreached arm to dance. Actions speak much louder than words and it’s those actions that make a person back away or grab on and enjoy the ride.

Really, life is that simple and if you are not experiencing that then you must do everything you can and get off of that straight line and enjoy the bumps along the way.

Today I’m grateful for family and friends who while being kind and gentle are challenging me to break out of the shell that I slid into sometime last year.

Photo Credits: Andrew of Park Imagery

  1. Me and my beautiful friend of 20 years, Vikki (Fredericton, NB, Canada)
  2. Me and Vikki again (Fredericton, NB, Canada)
  3. Me hoola hopping with 50lbs of homemade hoops (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  4. Doing my best to keep those hoops spinning (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  5. My good friend Anne hooping (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  6. My good friend and roommate Andrew, hooping! (Quispamsis, NB, Canada)
  7. Harrison’s Dad, me and Harrison (Cambridge Narrows, NB, Canada)
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6 thoughts on “The good in becoming vulnerable”

  1. Well maybe 40lbs! The hoops are made with household PVC piping and joiners then covered in fabric hockey tapes or electrical tape. They are heavy!

  2. Jessica, this is awesome!! You have a particularly clarity that so many people, if they would just listen to themselves, would be amazed to find within. You are very one of the lucky ones that seem to have decided to just listen, even if what you are telling yourself is not always what you want to hear. I love this post, it is hope….

  3. I’m so happy for you! Sounds like things are looking up with your health and with how you feel emotionally. I am tired of walking that line myself. It’s like a trap I can’t seem to get out of. So glad you’re spreading your wings, don’t stop! Wishin you the best always!

  4. dear jessica

    for a few years now i have been following your blog, and have been constantly inspired by your journey and your artwork…you strike me as someone who has enormous integrity, honesty and compassion in your humanness…i also love your ability to show your vulnerability, firstly i guess through your writing and those virtual connections, and now, it seems, through stepping out into the glare of the world again…good luck to you honey…know that you are always supported even if its just from hearing the whispers of the trees :-)
    love, hugs, and lil warrior steps xx heidi

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