Category Archives: film

With Child featured on Fahrenheit Twins new single


About a month ago Sander Blom (pictured above) of Fahrenheit Twins contacted me asking if I’d be interested in letting them use With Child on their new track, Mother’s Day. We traded.

It’s quite a lovely track if you ask me!

You can download the track for free from here.

Fahrenheit Twins are from the Netherlands.

LUCIDITY – full feature

I have let go of the chapters.


This film accurately portrays the daily non-trust of myself. Three months ago I wanted to release this movie. Self fear and loathing took over. A relapse of a different kind ensued, that of self denial and anxiety.

This movie was filmed and completed as of December 2004. When I opened it up three monthes ago to ad credits and thus break it into chapters for easy internet viewing, I could only do the first chapter. This is the way I want it to be viewed. Those 10 monthes of acute addiction (3rd relapse) beginning in 2005 are not portrayed in this movie. But maybe, the idea of how I got there, is.

I have been sober of GHB for 465 days. A hundred days have passed since the last count. A hundred more may come to be.

To everyone who reads my site: Sometimes the self is the leading voice against you.

After the jump, Lucidity – Continue reading

And a Final Cut here…

lucidity_workflow02.jpg…and a Final Cut there
here a cut
there a cut
Everywhere a Final cut
Old Vanesica has a film
e i
e i

And in this film there is some text… Ok yes there is text and yes, it’s being integrated as I write this. If any of you have ever worked in Final Cut – Whoah there are many options one can use to make things pretty. The Long weekend slowed Lucidity production down for me.

Lucidity synopsis and 365 days sober today!

Today it has been 365 days since my last cap of GHB. There is a documentary I have been working on for the last two years. It has been edited both soberly and amidst full blown addiction. Today marks the day that I will finish this project by integrating words I wrote beginning with The loss of control of my…
luciditytextSMaller.gifWhat began as a college project has evolved into something much more. This documentary portrays the initial ensuing battle that began three years ago when I first ingested GHB. I attempted three times to sober up. The first and second time respectively, I stayed sober for three weeks each time, only to succumb to FULL BLOWN addiction upon relapsing after the second attempt at sobriety. This third time of sobriety has been one full year in the making. It has tested my strength, stamina and own personal beliefs, morals and ideas.

Below is the synopsis of the timeline behind the scenes of Lucidity, the given name of the film.

lucidityEYE.jpgIn May of 2004 I began filming myself. I was not using GHB 24/7 at this time. I did recognize that something was not right though. I went to my family doctor explaining how I thought I was builing a dependancy on GHB in order to focus, relax and hence sleep at night. I was studying in college after having returned to studying after an eight year hiatus from college working as a graphic artist / illustrator, both as a freelancer and employee of various business’. By the end of the week I gave up GHB upon my doctors advice and suffered no major withdrawal as a consequence. I had only been ingesting two to four caps in the evenings and on weekends at that point. I also began on Celexa. The Celexa had a strange effect on me. My pupils dilated.
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